Yes I understand the body reacting to the stress. BF & I are famous for de-compress with a good comedy. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Although today, I told BF, I wished the weater was cooler, so we can go into the hot tub.

Hang in there. Jo

"May the forces of evil get confused on the way to your house." George Carlin

Where the thought of BM just consumes every ounce of our being... Try to relax, have a margarita (or two or more) and don't let her ruin your day. I know the feeling. Your blood actually boils under your skin... I have been there so many times. But then I have to remember that she is just a sad and miserable person, and misery loves company... I refuse to be her companion in that one. Chin up, you have to redirect your energy somewhere worth spending your energy on!

Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

I am interested in this too. I've never been an obsessive compulsive person but my anger runs like a tape through my head over and over and over. Last night I couldn't sleep until 4 am and was supposed to get up at 5:45 for a board meeting and had to cancel because I was so sick, nauseated and headachey from lack of sleep, I was shaking and couldn't possibly drive to my meeting and act as legal counsel to a public agency. I've written before about the toll that the stress is taking on my body. How do you turn off the tape? Sheer mind power isn't working, which is difficult to accept b/c I am pretty strong willed. What do you do? I can't seem to distract myself enough. All I've ever wanted is a secure family and now I have a loving husband and two beautiful stepkids and so these issues are so important to me, I can't even focus on my job lately, I'm so stressed about this (and the constant dr. appointments for stress-related illness, plus fertility appointments--gee wonder why I'm still not getting pgnant?). I am going to end up killing myself with anger, hostility and stress, have a heart attack or aneurysm and how does that help anyone, me DH or kids? I am not kidding about this, it's getting serious. What do people do, besides distraction with other activities and mind power, which is not working for me? I recall Biomom talking about a ritual she goes through. Anything else? Isn't there a magic approach guaranteed to work?

Okay well there's isle after isle for weight loss but not one spray or pill for miserable human be gone and when I finally realized that no matter how much she tried my SD still loves me, (lord knows she TRIED) I do take solace in the fact that DH and I can face anything After ten years of dealing with her psycho antics. for me time was the only help- i took one day to be upset and the next day to figure out what if anything we could do about it.Alot of reading the serenity prayer too even though i am not very religous.A belief in karma and honestly seeing it come around when we finally got custody and the next week after 6 years of trying we found out we were pregnant-I am convinced it was stress related for the 6 years.

It is extremely hard to deal with. I was constantly trying to pyschoanalyze her every move. Even though she is in prison, she still is a major player in our lives. What helped me was doing a lot of reading ("A Career Girl's Guide to being A Stepmom" by Jaqueline Fletcher and "No More Drama" by Ayesha Gallion helped the most)doing alot of soul searching, and keeping a journal about my stepmom experiences. Also, I just got TIRED of expending so much energy on her!!! And I'm sure my husband was sick of hearing about her because if he wasn't he would still be married to her. I had to learn that I was basically inviting her to my home with constant thoughts of her. Another true blessing has been the book that I am writing, a fictionalized account. I have 70 pages so far. I am really going to pursue publishing it, too. Every book that I read regarding the subject was written because of the issues that a BM brought to their lives. So I figured I might as well make some money off of all of the turmoil that she has caused us! Good luck!

Time, ladies. Your best friend and worst enemy.

At least, this is how it was for me. While we did just separate, for the first 2 years or so BB was in my head all of the time. It seemed that everything I did was somehow connected to my anger or frustration or even curiosity about her early on. I too would wake up at night and start worrying about court, or trying to figure out her next move...I'd practice speeches in my head all the time--things I'd say in court as a witness, or things I'd say to her the next time she bitched out at (then)DH. I'd sit at work and write her emails...document things...research for our case...I was all-consumed. It turned my heart ugly. And it wreaked havoc on my body. (I wrote about how in less than 11 months my pap results went from normal to severe dysplasia, one stage prior to cancer, which led to a surgical procedure which could negotiate my ability to have another child...and the dr. strongly suggested that my severe stress and anxiety was the trigger.)

Unlike you guys, I do have a sort of obsessive personality so maybe my experience was that much worse. But for me, it really was just time...getting used to things, and realizing that it was not in my control to change them, and just focusing on what I COULD control. I stepped back from the situation...I left the documenting, the emailing, the worrying to EX. I stopped giving BB free real estate in my head. I stopped fighting all the time...I was so rabidly fighting for MY territory, becoming enraged when BB was stomp on it. I stopped seeing it that way. I started to realize that BB was just a sad, bitter woman with a troubled soul and I began to be thankful that I was not. I realized that it bothered me so much to be angry and stress because I am NOT that type of person--it's against my nature. Evil people don't realize that they are being evil or disturbed. But people like us do. And that made me feel really good. In that way, I won the imaginary battle before it even began.

Heads up, ladies. It'll get better...also, seeking someone objective to talk to will help tremendously. Therapy might be a great outlet!

Krissy

I understand oh so well how you are feeling. Journaling is one way I get rid of that anger and rage, and the other one is seeing how much my SS loves me. There are more traditional ways of dealing with your anger too: exercise … running, kick boxing, softball, golf … I play softball and run. When I’m playing softball I try my best to see BB head as the ball … it really is quite therapeutic.

The other thing that has helped me … is knowing how much I am benefiting SS by being a positive “mother figure” in his life since he doesn’t have one at home. AND … when I really need to back off … I ask myself, if she knew how much I was obsessing over her she would feel like she “won” and that would feed her control and possession issues. In her mind, she would win, and I don’t want her to think that.

I have to agree with Krissy too … although I’ve only been a SP for 1.5 years, I still think that in time we will all figure out how to communicate with each other and work together, or at least accept that which we cannot change.

I have the “No More Baby Mama Drama,” but haven’t read it yet. Several people have said it is an awesome book. As you all know I’m reading “Co-Parenting Survival Guide” and it has been excellent. I think the biggest help it has been to me is learning, at least a little bit, why she does the things she does, and understanding that even some of the things DH and I do are not always the best way to handle things.

As dopy as this sounds … I am reminded of the Serenity Prayer from AA (my dad was a drug addict) … “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change …” I think the biggest hurdle for us is to accept the fact that no matter how hard we try BB has to learn on her own what affect her actions have on SK … we cannot change them, and we may never know what makes them tick … so, we just have to learn to give our Skids the best of ourselves, and the best life can offer while they are with us, and hope that what they end up learning for life, is what they have learned from us.

~ Katrina

When I am filled with rage, I usually talk to myself while I am driving and work the conflict out as best I can. Which I just revealed that I talk to myself. I do it all the time. My mom does, my niece does, its a family affair.. LOL
Well I used to go and smoke a cig, but I quit that, then I let everything build up until I finally thought I was having a heart attack and got diagnosed with ANXIETY. OMG- so now when I feel a little attack or something I just go in my purse pull out my little pill that the Dr. gave me and pretty soon I am calm. I am a pretty hyper active person. (no ADHD or anything) but I get to worked up about things and it usually always has to do with my step kids. I have to tell you that its because I feel so used by them all the time. And telling the husbands that they think we are crazy.
Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

Is it time for happy hour?

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius