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DH's laziness is at a 10 right now...

lieutenant_dad's picture

I know my DH can be lazy. I can be, too. However, this isn't laziness that usually impacts anything serious. It's mostly procrastination and doing things on his own time.

Fine. Whatever. However, this weekend has driven me NUTS!

First, DH got home and was cleaning up the house as I was finishing up errands on Friday. He goes to sit down. We need to pick the kids up from BM by 7 so we can feed them. It is about 6:15 and BM is a 35 minute drive away. I say we need to go. He gets grouchy because he hasn't had a chance to sit since he got home and says it's okay if we're a little late.

Nope. I'm getting hungry, this is already a 1+ hour expedition, and if we sit, we'll be way late because DH is chronologically challenged. So, begrudgingly, we leave and eat. It's after 9:30 before we get home. Why? Because DH yells at the boys at BM's to clean up their crap before he will take them. Thanks for adding 20 minutes to our night, DH.

Second came on Saturday. DH needed to take OSS to the bank to exchange money/set up an account for his out of country trip. Bank closes as 1:30 and is 30 minutes away. At 11:15, DH FINALLY tells OSS to shower, then YSS. They don't leave until nearly 12:30, and DH STILL has to call me asking for OSS' SSN for the account. Glad I was home, otherwise he'd have been really SOL with ZERO time to correct the issue. Mind you, he talked to the bank earlier this week about what he needed, and didn't bother to even grab it all.

Third happened Saturday evening. I told DH to take both boys with him and do something fun for the afternoon so I could get some alone time and they could see the sun. At nearly 5:00, I call DH to find out when they will be back because I want to start dinner.

Oh, he is paying for their food. They hadn't eaten lunch yet, and so they were eating. Mind you, YSS took so long in the shower that he didn't get breakfast, so the last time he had eaten was about 7:30 the night before. And where DH took them to eat was a place that YSS doesn't much care for, so he ate half of what he bought.

Oh, and the real kicker? DH didn't bother to ask if I wanted anything. He just assumed I would have already eaten or would get something for myself. I let him know how I felt about that one because I had managed to remember to buy his wiper blades, favorite cereal, and two of his favorite drinks at the store, but he couldn't bother to ask me if I wanted dinner? "But you don't like the place we went to." NOT THE EFFING POINT!

Finally, it is now 1:15 Sunday afternoon. I went to the gym and planned on making brunch when I got back. DH said he would do it.

I got back at 11:00. I have managed to bathe, get dressed, and minorly help him out, and he is STILL cooking eggs, bacon, and fried potatoes. FFS, DH! It's a 45 minute task at most! So, now, YSS nor OSS has eaten since 5:00 last night, and DH STILL has another 15-20 minutes left to cook.

I am going to assume SSs' laundry won't be done until 6 tonight, and it will be 8:30 or so before he gets home after dropping them off (as right now I want to spend zero time with him). I'm just effing flabbergasted that he is THIS lazy and slow. He CONSTANTLY talks about doing things the efficient way, but every effing task takes him 75 years to complete!

I am hangry. I am PMSing. And I am seriously wondering if having a kid with him is wise. He would be a good dad on some stuff, but the bulk of the hard work will be on me. I'm not interested in doing the single mom thing while married.

UGH!

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

Sounds like a , uh, lovely weekend. 

Aggressive

My Dh , longtime ago now, tried that line about 'just sat down'. I heard it once and once only. He was promptly reminded he had a nice 45minute drive home. On his buns, nice cool/warm car, nothing to do for 80% of it but watch for dashing gophers and barn cats (maybe a fox or rapid stunk) while he peacefully sailed across the back country roads where he might pass one car maybe three cars in a week's time, and sing-along with the country oldies (yes, I know he did cause the radio would blare me out the next time I got in vehicle). 

I'm not going to ask why YSS could not have eaten breakfast before 11:15am prior to boys showering, nor why lunch could not have been directly after the bank visit (what was that? 1:00pm?) 

Start making Saturday evenings be Dad's night to do dinner. If he isn't going to be home and/or cook to let you know by noon Saturday so you can plan your own rest of day and dinner in a manner you find enjoyable and relaxing (I'm thinking dinner out minus them or ordered in just for me and shut up in my bedroom reading or watching a movie).

He' s full of excuses. You don't like that restaurant? I don't suppose it occurred to him there are more restaurants between the one is at and home. Men, they can be such PITAs at times. 

MoominMama's picture

I'm sorry L dad that sounds lika a pita. 

In my house it's usually my dh chivvying me along to be faster these days. He annoys me though as he always leaves too early for appointments and we have to sit there for ages. 

strugglingSM's picture

In my case, BM gets all in a snit if he's one minute early or one minute late for either pick-up or drop off (SSs are rarely ready for their dad to pick them up, mind you, so he has to sit outside the house, but who's counting). I have to start bugging him 15 minutes in advance of when he has to leave (both for pick up and drop off) to make sure he's out the door in time. 

Also, when we lived farther from SSs, he would always leave me waiting because he just had to stop because "my kids were starving". He would never get me anything and I would invariably not eat on Fridays, because I had been waiting for them to make or get anything and then by the time they arrived, I was too annoyed to make anything. Now that I usually get home from work after them, I've come home twice and they have eaten everything we had for dinner, without leaving anything for me. Soooo annoying!

lieutenant_dad's picture

Thanks everyone. My DH is usually really not that bad. Honestly, I wonder how he puts up with me most of the time. This werkend was just a bad combo of his worst habits mixed with my lack of patience for any of it. It doesn't happen very often that we are on such opposite wavelengths.

It has Been a bit worse lately because he is stressed from work and we have been busy, so he hasn't had much downtime. He also gets a recharge from me being around, but again, busy or have other plans so I think he is just operating near empty.

Let's add that BM is unemployed and XHBF is now just XH. This may all work itself out without any issue, or it may cause BM to lose her mind. It's a roll of the dice, really. Plus, the contract for my job is up at the end of the month, and while there is a high likelihood it will be renewed, it is a federal contract that has been on shaky ground with the current administration. And DH is supposed to have his vas reversal surgery the end of next month, so I am getting preemptively nervous about that.

Really, it will all be fine. It has just been a bit of an emotional and financial suck recently.

ESMOD's picture

My DH can also take a bit of time to get to and finish tasks.. and in many situations is also playing games with the clock so to speak.

I know it probably won't help but there are some ladies on this site that would probably be IN LOVE with your DH and his problems..lol.

1.  He was cleaning the house

2.  While it was annoying that he delayed your coming home... the fact that he got on his sons about cleaning up at their mom's means he is actually parenting.. and not taking the lazy way out.  I am sure that this will be sure to have their lessons stick because he is consistent.

3.  He makes his kids shower.

4.  He did take his kid to the bank to do the money exchange and account errand.. not make you pick up his slack

5. Happily takes the kids out of your hair

6.  Does laundry

7.  Cooks breakfast

Yes.. I know a lot of it is done last minute and over due.. but at least he is trying... lots of guys we hear about on here don't do a dang thing.

 

 

lieutenant_dad's picture

I know. I'm really trying to take the approach that just because it isn't the way I would do it doesn't mean his way is wrong. And that my anxiety about it not getting done in a timeframe I would is my issue to deal with.

He is a good husband and a good father in some respects. Really, if he and BM could have made their relationship work (i.e. she weren't crazy), they would make a great parenting team because their strengths and weaknesses compliment each other. DH and I will probably make a good parenting team for the same reason...but I don't have the same authority with the boys as I would my own kid, so things slide that I would (in theory) never allow with my own kids.

I just needed to vent my frustration. I know it is cliche to blame PMS, but the moodiness is hitting HARD this month. I seem to cycle through different symptoms (one month it's acne, the next is super sore boobs, the next is spotting), and I'm on the super struggle bus right now with my emotions. My typical calming measures aren't working, and I am just having to remind myself to breathe for 10 seconds before I react to anything. I feel crazy!