DH had a chat with OSS about money...
Well, I might have actually scared the bejesus out of DH because he actually is holding OSS (somewhat) accountable for his tux jacket.
Last night, DH sat OSS down and had a very frank conversation with him about finances. Now, not everyone will agree with how he handled this (I'm not 100% in agreement, either), but DH decided to lay down some facts:
- DH told OSS that he's frustrated with BM currently because he pays her $1000/mo in CS that should cover their basic expenses, including replacing the tux jacket that was ruined at her place.
- DH is not a walking ATM, and while we are financially better than we let on, that doesn't mean we can replace things on a whim, and can't replace them multiple times.
- DH said that he is replacing the tux jacket since BM doesn't have the funds, but the jacket stays at our house and OSS will have to make BM come to our house to get it before concerts and give it back to us after concerts.
- DH is fine with OSS not working his senior year because he's in several ECs that will help him in college (OSS is going into music composition and is auditioning for his college next week) and is taking college classes, but he'll have to work in college because DH cannot support him.
- DH and I have already set up a financial plan to ensure that OSS has what he needs for school and for us to take a family vacation this summer, but that means that there can't be any more stupid emergencies brought on by bad decisions on OSS's part. (Side note: this plan was in place *before* DH did his stupid, idiot move of paying for BM's stuff, and the only reason it's still on the table is because I want to help OSS and want to take a trip as well; my issue has never been helping the boys, but helping BM when she won't help herself.)
- DH told OSS that he doesn't want to see him bail out his mother. He can help her move her couch but not give her $20 for gas.
DH did explain why he did what he did to help out BM, and how he felt it helped the boys. But, now he can't keep doing it and won't keep bailing her out. He wanted OSS to understand that he will help HIM, but there is a limit to what can be done. He also wanted OSS to understand that saying "no" to BM was not saying "no" to him and YSS. He told OSS (and I didn't agree with this part) that BM isn't doing anything to help her own situation and he won't bail her out of her bad decisions any further.
I think DH may have shared a little too much of his own feelings about BM, but he wanted to be honest with OSS about the situation and why money discussions are going to somewhat involve him going forward, since bailing out BM isn't in the financial plan if he wants to help OSS launch. I was actually pretty shocked that DH was pretty unfiltered about it all, and it gives me hope that he might be waking up from his dumbassitis-induced coma.
It doesn't fix that DH lied to me. It doesn't fix replacing the tux jacket. But, given that BM is stating that she and her new DH can barely afford rent, AND she can't find her taxes to fill out FAFSA for OSS, I'm pleased with this SO LONG AS DH sticks to it AND informs BM. It's a step in the right direction that gives me (hopefully not false) hope.