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Always knew ET lied but...

lieutenant_dad's picture

DH and I told the boys that ET's DH left. Not out of spite, but out of pity and concern. She has been trying to spend time with OSS, so DH and I were trying to say, "hey, if she asks to see you, perhaps consider it because she's going through a hard time." And we wanted YSS to have some compassion when he saw her during his visit.

Anyway, YSS texted ET on the way to drop off and she mentioned her DH was going to be home late. At drop off, she disclosed to DH while YSS was out of earshot that the reason her DH left was because she wanted an open relationship, he "agreed", and then got cold feet and left. Now he's back.

Okay, fine. No issues with that. That's a personal relationship issue they need to work through. Could be far worse.

Folks, ET made it worse.

She had dinner earlier this week with YSS and OSS. She asked if my DH told them why her DH had left. My DH had not, so the boys truthfully told her no.

ET then tells them that her DH accused her of cheating, left her, came back part-time, and made a "joke" that he's likely cheating on her instead.

I can feel the headache forming already.

SWEET LORD, WOMAN - WHY TELL YOUR KIDS THIS?!?! Why not just say "oh, we had a spat, but we're working on it, thank you for being concerned but I'll be okay"?!?! Why tell them that you think you're being cheated on when YOU ACTUALLY JUST WANTED TO OPEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?!

Let's not forget that ET cheated on DH and XH#2, the boys' first stepdad that they called "Daddy" back when ET tried to PAS. Hell, WE met one of the dudes she was cheating with because she was so certain they were getting married while she was still living with XH#2!

It's not that I ever trusted her, but this is one of the first times there has been proof of her lying. And it's SUCH a dumb thing to lie about. The boys don't care about her DH. They don't care about anyone she dates. She's not getting brownie points with her kids. They don't feel sorry for her or like she's a victim. So what's the play here? Not knowing what crazy she may unleash is always the unnerving part.


JRI's picture

I'm stunned that she would discuss this with them at all beyond bare details.  It's embarrassing to her and Im sure it makes the boys squirm.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

I feel for the boys.  At their age most kids what to believe that their parents are sexless beings.

BethAnne's picture

Soo my reading of this is...ET cheated on her husband... got caught...suggested they have an open relationship "to save the marriage"....her husband left then for some reason he's now back....??

So if this is what happened she isn't "lying" just painting herself as the victim, neglecting to tell them that she cheated and avoiding telling the kids about the open relationship thing. Not sure why she'd tell you about it though?

lieutenant_dad's picture

She has ALWAYS told DH about her exploits. Even when YSS started therapy, she didn't ask how it was going but made sure to share about her relationship with DH.

My assessment is that DH is her "one that got away". Or, at least now that he's stable and happy, he's more appealing as a mate. I think that's why she has hated me as much as she has - I get in the way. Truth is that I don't. If DH really wanted to get back with her, he could pack his stuff and go. But he doesn't, and that's not because I've got him chained up.

I also think that she sees DH as the person who understands her, which is true. He does understand her. But understanding her doesn't mean he wants anything from or with her. He understands her because they were married and he has had to learn to cope with crazy. That's where it ends.

grannyd's picture

LD, I've always been curious about women like ET, who succeed in enticing good men whom they proceed to abuse and betray. The chumped husbands are often the ones served with divorce papers while the ET types frequently have another dupe waiting in the wings. 

Is ET a good-looking woman? Is she charming, fun-loving, sexy? What’s the allurement? I’d truly love to know! Unknw


Rumplestiltskin's picture

Who knows which one of her stories is the actual truth? She could be telling everyone lies or half-truths. I don't feel like she should be sharing any of her relationship dramas with any of you. The less you guys hear out of her mouth, the better IMO. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

That's true. Going back to what BethAnne said, it's entirely possible she cheated and then asked for the open relationship. I think the more likely truth is that she found someone (or had an idea about someone) and then asked for it. My guess now is that he's not cheating, but trying to have an open relationship like she wants. Unfortunately, she doesn't practice ethical nonmonogamy and he's a pretty monogamous person, so this is likely not going to end well.

Mamabearof3's picture

This is sad that her kids are enduring that drama. My MIL told my SD that her ex SD called GPA and everything was cheating on her with his new gf but never told me or DH this. And told us it was a whole different reason even. I don't get people. 

CLove's picture

In knitting, when your ball of yarn gets tangled, the best advice given has been, to get another ball - dont bother trying to untangle that one.

I have found myself trying to untangle the webs of Toxic Trolls lies, to try to understand her agenda(s) to see where things might go, to protect myself and Husband, and previously Skiddo.

Its a narcissists way to "weave the story-web" so that they look their best, in the best light, or as the victim of everyone else's being toxic. Does she want to save face with kids, is she laying groundwork for being left in the future, who is going to be her next "bad guy"...whats in her head...all that is a dark cesspool of toxic (at least for me in my situation).

Toxic Troll wanted an open relationship when married with Husband, and he didnt want to share, and wasnt told this until she was "caught".

Toxic Troll's ex bf Tweedle Dum, was told and was in on things, but couldnt handle it and got violent.

Toxic Troll shares ALL her relationship woes and details with skiddos. Since they were 11-12 yo. Enmeshment like that is just gross. Why involve kids. Because they get something out of it - sympathy or validation. Kibbles for the narc.

Throw away that ball of yarn, its too tangled. You cant protect kidlings from all that. At least that was my experience.