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DH left me last night

libbie's picture

Sd accused bs of going into her room Tuesday night and touching her inappropriately. Dh believes her and after a huge fight they left. I don't believe sd. Bs swears he didn't do it and I believe him. Dh and sd can stay gone, she is NEVER allowed near me or ds again! DH also called the police and I have to get a lawyer for bs. I can't believe this is happening to us.


MoominMama's picture

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, there's not much else can be said Sad

ESMOD's picture

Libbie, that is horrible...

I really hope your son can get into some therapy to help him deal with this as well as the fallout from the fact that he was molested himself by his own father. I know you want to believe your son.. but victims of abuse are more likely to become perpetrators of abuse. This may be your SD crying wolf, but your son may have done something.. even not quite intentionally as a result of his own experiences.

Please don't allow your dislike of your SD to cloud your vision from the fact that it may have in fact been the truth. Your son is old enough to be prosecuted and it is important to find out exactly WHAT did happen so that you are prepared in case your STBEX decides to file charges.

libbie's picture

He already called the police and wants to file charges. I've talked to his therapist and he is seeing her this morning but she said it would be out of character for him and not something she would see him doing.

ESMOD's picture

Please make sure that you do get to the bottom of this. Did your son go in her room at all for any reason? Could something have been misunderstood?

Is your son on any kind of medication that might have sleepwalking as a side effect? Is there any new situation that would be a prompt for this girl to try to get your son in trouble... or could this be a way for her to get her dad to let her move with her mother?

Also, noone talk to any investigator until and when a lawyer you HIRE is present.

libbie's picture

Bs said he went to bed at 9 which I saw and he said he fell asleep watching tv. He said he didn't leave his room yesterday morning to shower and get ready for school. He said she was fine yesterday morning and was running scenarios by him to see what I would do for this weekend. She was trying to get around my no parent no go rule for homecoming parties this weekend.

moving_on_again's picture

It's not up to STBEX to file charges, in my county the PA will file charges if the accusations seem to be legit and there is evidence. However, there may be no evidence except the accusation which is basically impossible to prove unless there is some history. Which in this case, there is ,if the perpetrator was abused, but usually that's not admissible and not used as evidence.

libbie's picture

There is no evidence. Bs hasn't spoken with anyone and I've told him not to until we talk to a lawyer. She is accusing him of going into her room Tuesday and touching her breast while she slept and when she woke up she said he put his hand over her mouth and tried to put his hand down her pants. She has ZERO marks on her and bs looked bewildered, he couldn't believe it.

ESMOD's picture

Just remember.. your BS has been playing a little fast and loose with truth and rules recently. He does have a history of being abused which ups the risk that this could be a possibility.

I know you love your son and want to believe him... but he has already shown you that he is not as trustworthy as you would I'm not 100% sure that his "word" should be unquestioned.

This is too serious. Knowing the truth now can make the consequences and solutions a lot more palatable... vs.. the problem that will result if the truth comes out later where you can't manage it. He may very well be innocent... but there are enough things going on with him that he may not be as innocent as you think.

Sweet T's picture

What did she say he did and why do you think she would do something like this. I thought they had a good relationship.

libbie's picture

My best friend thinks it's because dh and I, well me, came up with a rule that they aren't allowed out without an adult. If they want to go to the movies and adult needs to be there, friends house, party, mall ect they need an adult. She has been really mad and sulking since saying she was going to go live with her mom. My best friend thinks this is her way of getting dh to leave me and then she can do whatever she wants. I think she is right. Dh and his parents fawn over her and give her everything she wants.

twoviewpoints's picture

I was posting and didn't see this. I just commented below something along this line. I am not comfortable with your SD.

DaizyDuke's picture

But has she been acting out (smoking pot, underage drinking, sneaking out etc)? or is it just BS and SD is getting punished along with him? I can see why she would be upset about this. Of course making up a story about BS touching her is over the top, if her end goal was to get her own way, but I guess crazier things have happened.

I guess I thought it was just your BS that was having "teen" issues and not SD

libbie's picture

Thank you. He meets with his therapist today and I have a meeting with a lawyer. She has good online reviews but i can't get an appointment till tomorrow. Bs is only 14 and he has been through so much I am really worried about him.

twoviewpoints's picture

IDK, so much so sudden. Your DH makes your SD come home from BM, no band for her and suddenly your son goes to h*ll in a blink of an eye.

Yes, I realize as mentioned by another member that molested child can turn molesters themselves...but this kid was a well behaved kid, like a minute ago. Now he's supposedly drinking, doing pot, hiding pot in his bedroom and trying to inappropriately touch his stepsister.

I'm feeling suspicious that more may be in motion here.

I'm glad he's going to his therapist. She has been in his life as a trusted person for a long time. Does she feel your son will be honest and open with her?

I am so sorry all this is happening for you, Libbie.

libbie's picture

My eyes are open now and I can see this for what it is. These are sds friends and they had the pot and the beer and convinced him to go out. Yes, he made those decisions to but these are people sd hangs with and brought my son around. He didn't lie about the other stuff and I believe him that he isn't lying about this.

thinkthrice's picture

I feel so BAD for you and your son!!! I thank the lord every day that my kids are WAY OLDER than Chef's brats--I can easily see SD aka Dominatrix stb 19 doing the same thing!

still learning's picture

Libble, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Like others have said, be proactive and assume nothing. Your sole focus right now is getting your son the help and protection he needs. One of my sons was abused by an older neighbor child. The police were called but nothing came of it on their side. My son stated acting out so was put into specialized therapy for sex abuse. He was in the program for almost a year. As a parent I had to sign all sorts of contracts such as DS was not allowed to have sleepovers or EVER be in charge of younger children, had to be in line of sight at all times when playing w/others. The list goes on but the precautions were to protect my son, keep him and others around him safe.

With your sons history and this recent accusation you're going to have to have crystal clear communication w/him, and set boundaries around his and others behavior that keep him safe. I would advise not entering any other step relationship or live in companion relationship until your son is grown and out of the home.

mommadukes2015's picture

A little background:

BM1 has 3 kids with 3 different Dads-SO is SS12's father, Big Daddy is SS's younger brother YB5's father and Unknown is SS & YB's younger sister LS3's father.

A couple of years ago, Big Daddy and his girlfriend called CPS because YB5 had told them that SS12 was "sticking crayons in his butt". Now Big Daddy and BM had been going at it over YB & Big Daddy's GF for a year or so at that point, in and out of court, CPS calls back and fourth-just some childish nonsense and Big Daddy & GF were willing to do ANYTHING to get full custody of YB5 and cut BM right out of the picture.

I found out about the accusations from BM. SO had left to take SS home to BM, at that point we had him every weekend, and she called me in hysterics. I was worried that SO &SS had been in an accident. After she did her best banshee impersonation I learned about the accusations leveled at SS12.

Now, SS12 spent the first 3 years of his life believing Big Daddy was his father, as did Big Daddy. Since SO's paternity had been established, SO has been sure to make sure that SS12 has been able to see Big Daddy despite him and BM's relationship ending her using the kids against him.

I got off the phone and called Big Daddy's GF. She texted me back a really vague text that didn't explain anything at all.

The next day we all ended up at OCFS where the kids were interviewed by their psychologist/forensics/police. All the charges were dropped because there was no physical evidence of YB5 being molested and his story was inconsistent.

That was the end of that. And it's been almost 2 years and while we have seen Big Daddy and his family our relationship is not what it had been. These kinds of accusations are not to be played with-however, the system seems to be pretty efficient at weeding out the truth for once-or at least in my case it has been. Cooperate with the requests from CPS, OCFS, let BS's psychologist know, the truth will shake itself out and then stay the hell away from Ex and do what you need to do for your son.

StepUltimate's picture

No words... just prayers for your whole family and agencies that get involved that the truth will be revealed. I am very specially praying for your son in all this. (((hugs)))

libbie's picture

Bs just went in to talk to the therapist. We had a private conversation before hand and she let me know she had to report the accusation to child welfare by law. She said to make sure whoever is assigned to our case to contact her. She also told me we would get through this and she recommend a therapist for me to see. This is so unreal right now.

motherof_2plus1's picture

Wowww I am so incredibly sorry for your situation! I cant imagine living through this

ctnmom's picture

OK I've been going over this in my mind and it's one of two things. 1. Your BS is struggling and did something he shouldn't have. So DH and SD need to stay gone. 2. SD (possibly in cahoots with your DH, why this would be I don't know) is setting up your BS. So DH and SD need to stay gone. If I were you I'd just concentrate on getting BS the help he needs and keeping him safe.

mommadukes2015's picture

Yeah and then asking her dad to keep it a secret? Something is fishy. Why don't you let BS in on the fact that SD was telling you what he was doing?

I wouldn't lead him into it, but if he knows she was throwing him under the bus, he may have been covering for her in those instances and may be more inclined to share what she was doing with her pot smoking friends and at a party with alcohol.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Protect your son. Divorce your husband. After court is done....move. Your son needs a fresh start hundreds of miles away from SD.

Acratopotes's picture

oh Libbi - be there for DS, this kid had to go through so much with this SD....

First the allergies, and refusing to take meds, BS almost lost Bear.... the older they got the more SD pulled him into her crowed cause she knew since then... she can hang the spot light above BS' head at parties etc, you will punish him and she will get away with it all.
Personally I think this little girl is talking crap, she tried for years for Daddy to leave you and nothing worked, I always knew something like this would happen, false accusations. (that's why I moved out to live on my own even before Aergia could pull a stunt like this, and believe me if I did not take Deigma and moved she would've done this same thing)

But remember - she is DH's daughter and he's doing the right thing to protect her, he's not seeing her for what she is, he will have a rude awakening the day it comes out she lied to him... she will break him, I hope he's man enough then to apologize to you and BS.

But in your shoes, I will never take him back, I will go ahead with divorce.