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I deleted my post

libbie's picture

Thank you to everyone who was helpful and whoever pointed out sd wasn't sick is a godsend. Thank you so much! I'm going to look into that. I deleted my post because I have enough stress and superjew and troll spamming me about laying pipe and meat sandwiches was to disgusting and inappropriate. I hope you guys understand.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

SD needs a full-range allergy test. I don't know if they still do the *grid*, which is a panel of multiple allergens with a 'Test' patch in one corner.

Warning: this test can be inconclusive if SD has a reaction to the PRESSURE from the grid being pressed into her back. That happened to me.

ESMOD's picture

Ahhh the "death of a thousand cuts" test:)

I had it after I had an unexplained bout with hives in my late 30's. The test was not conclusive on anything really. I was mildly sensitive to tea and avocado (hate tea, love avocado..still eat it.)

I had eaten some shrimp that evening then gone down to my barn to brush my dirty horse. Barn was at the bottom of a hill and was musty too. I have a feeling that it was the overload of all the irritants that caused it. My allergist said stress can cause hives too, though while I was with the abusive EX at the time, I was under general stress.. I didn't recall anything specific that night.

I keep benadryl with me though.. just in case now.

Tuff Noogies's picture

sounds like someone needs a spanking today.... your dh is not going to know what hit, when he gets home!

WalkOnBy's picture

I wasn't making fun of her, and don't ever lump me in with you.

Regular? there is nothing regular about you, dear.

WalkOnBy's picture

speak for yourself, psycho.

Superjew already commented that she wasn't making fun, she was complimenting.

See my tag line, please.

Tuff Noogies's picture

you have a twisted and vulgar sense of humor - some get it, while others are offended. people joke in different ways that are not always going to be compatible.

HOWEVER... i do believe the issue should be dropped when the OP (in any blog) has expressed offense instead of going off track even further.

WalkOnBy's picture

you are being vvveeeerrrry kind and generous, tuff.

Most of us don't find her the least bit amusing. Or human.

Tuff Noogies's picture

lol i'm just neutral. it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers, so i do feel that everyone here has a right to be here and post or comment. i don't give a rat's @$$ about a lot of the bull$#!t and drama that's been happening recently - you know me, i take each poster/username as they are. h3ll, this is the interwebs. but i also think that any blog belongs to the OP, and if the OP expresses offense, that should be respected. a LOT of the problems lately will be remedied when STalk 2.0 is rolled out and members can choose whether to limit their contacts or not.

WalkOnBy's picture

but troll is just rude and there is no pussying footing around that.

There is nothing wrong with calling a mean spade a mean spade, tuff.

I do wish that OP would either use the delete button liberally or not post a blog about how she deleted her prior blog. How about just delete it and be done??

WalkOnBy's picture

I feel the exact same way about her - she used to be perfectly acceptable and then she launched herself waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out in to the deep end.

As tRump would tweet "SAD!"

WalkOnBy's picture

Back when DH and Medusa were married, they took BabyVoice to an allergist because they wanted to get a dog. Tests were run, and it came back that she was allergic to cats, cockroaches and a few other things. They get a dog. BabyVoice was 5.

Years go by and DH leaves Medusa. We get married. I had two cats at the time. Medusa found out that BabyVoice was around a cat and bitched that BabyVoice was deathly allergic to cats. She never reacted around either of my cats. She filed a motion. One day when DH was picking up the skids, he saw BabyVoice holding a cat and walking out to the car. Turns out Medusa had cats, but as we all know, allergies are only a problem in the NCP's house. DH whipped out his phone and started filming BabyVice with said kitten as well as three other cats. Apparently, Medusa had a garage full of cats. Okay then.

We get to the hearing and everyone has their say. What Medusa, her attorney and the Judge did NOT know was that we had recently closed on a condo in SkidTown, so they would no longer be around my cat. Before announcing his decision, Medusa told him that she would give up her cats if I would give up mine. DH's attorney said "sure, that's no problem, sir. No cats around BabyVoice. Got it."

Medusa went home and "found new homes" for her cats. We later learned that she gave them to a friend who would come pick them up just before DH would come for the skids. We didn't care, so we never did anything about it. She was FURIOUS when she found out that I didn't have to get rid of my cats, thanks to the SkidTown condo Smile

Two years after this, she loses custody. I will be damned if she didn't bitch about the damn cat allergy to the Parenting Coordinator. PC told us to get an updated allergy test, which we had already done. BabyVoice was so mildly allergic at that time that the allergist wrote on the report "no need to have a cat-free home."

Long story short, kids' allergies change over time. I was deathly allergic to cats when I was little, but wasn't by the time I was a teenager.

If the kid isn't reacting to Bear, get an updated test and chances are she isn't allergic to the dog.

If your husband won't agree to this plan, I sure hope you remember my comments from the blog you deleted.

Willow2010's picture

Dang...And I am keeping up with this OP.

OP, don’t let those people make you delete a post. Let the whole community see what trash other poster can be. I am amazed that admin has allowed someone to actually register with the user name Troll, and they act like a troll, but they have not kicked her/him/it, off yet.

ESMOD's picture

TBH, I think the compromise to have the dog at home and build a clubhouse type setup for the dog and your son would be reasonable. And I mean, even at night the dog stays outside. I'm sorry that you feel it is horrible to make the dog sleep outside the home, but if your husband's daughter has life threatening issues, I see this as a reasonable compromise. Dog and boy get to spend daily time together. Shoot, you could even have a sleep sofa out there or daybed so your son could camp out on the odd evening.

It's not like you are banishing the dog to a 12x12 chain link pen 24/7 or chaining him up.

The dog will adjust to the situation and your son's therapist already said it would be a good idea if your son became less dependent on the dog. This would accomplish that goal.

Now, for your DH who is having a mantrum. I find it unacceptable that you are trying to figure out a solution and he won't even try to do something like build a shed. Fine, honey, we won't make you build it..but we WILL buy one instead.

It is patently unfair that he expects you and your son to make all the compromises while he refuses to do anything at all. I'm not saying your marriage is necessarily over, but I would have a hard time wanting to be with someone who is so dismissive of my (and my son's) needs.

ESMOD's picture

"No, the dog likely would not adjust well to being kept outside even if there is doghouse or clubhouse for him to go into."

If the dog can't adjust to living in a different type of housing..(note I'm not talking about a chain kennel.. but an actual house type solution).. then dogs wouldn't be able to adapt to new homes, when a owner moves from an house to an apt. When a stray dog is rehomed etc... This dog will adapt and be just fine and better off than if he was rehomed to another family situation! Daily contact with his child who certainly must go to school.. so already be gone at times will not melt this doggy snowflake down.

As far as the OP's home.. they can reduce the allergens by keeping the dog out of the home. They already removed carpeting I believe and with ongoing cleaning it WILL reduce the allergens in the home and possibly to a level that will be ok for the girl.

I understand that the DH and his daughter are creating this issue because he wants his child to live with him. I imagine that most bio parents want to have their children.. it's not just an insignificant whim on his part but he is being completely unreasonable to not try to help her find a good solution that doesn't involve 100% getting rid of the dog.

I think the OP needs to insist that the husband step up and figure out a solution or how he can help with her suggestions.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

TRUE that they are never going to be able to get rid of all the pet dander and hair.

My mostly white kitty has been gone for almost 7 YEARS. I don't care how many times I've washed, lint-rollered, dusted, and vacuumed; I still find a white kitty hair every now and again.

It's like glitter. 6 years ago, I gave DH a gift wrapped in red paper with red glitter. The bedroom has been vacuumed HUNDREDS of times since then AND we cleaned the carpet. Guess what I found last night when I pulled DH's slippers out from under the bed?? Red facking glitter.

ESMOD's picture

I'm kind of suggesting they make an extention of home in the backyard for the dog (and the boy). It may not be 100% of the contact they are used to.. but the kid goes to school etc.. the dog survives without 24/7 contact with the child now.

TBH, the dog may even enjoy more outdoor time and we are talking about making a place that clearly mimics an homey space.. not just a dog kennel. I'm thinking like a clubhouse situation.

Yeah.. I know it's hard to eliminate all traces of the animal.. but she likely can handle a limited amount of allergens. Obviously, there are traces of allergens like dogs in virtually every public place.

There is a difference between living with an active/alive animal and living in a space that has no active animal presence.

I do 100% agree that dad needs to step up his involvement. It doesn't even sound like he is that involved in the whole allergist search etc...

ESMOD's picture

Allergies can be a mild annoyance.. or they can be deadly life threatening. People fall along that spectrum. Apparently, this girl's allergies are serious enough for her to be put in the hospital.

That doesn't mean that one or two hairs will put her there.. but having a live animal in the same home that she is living apparently is too much for her system. This is the reality that these people seem to be living.

That is why although not preferred by OP nor perfect, at least the backyard clubhouse allows both kids to stay with their parents. Sure a little bit of work on their part to keep allergens out of the home, but surely people would make these accommodations if their BIO child were to suffer from allergies like these.

Obviously kicking her DH out is not an option for her.. her DH should have the right to have his daughter with HIM.. just like she has her son with HER. It's his home too (even though it was originally her home, it is where he calls home as her husband).

She asked for advice and solutions and this seems the one that would be most beneficial to everyone. Dog doesn't get displaced/put down and isn't that better than that alternative.

OP needs to have a meeting of the minds with DH.. otherwise she is likely to come home and find the dog gone.. and maybe really gone. Some people here in our area recently surrendered their dog to the local pound then had a change of heart and went back the next day to get the dog back. It had already been euthanized. The pound is not required to keep owner surrenders for any time. The dog snapped at a worker, the dog got immediately PTS. THAT is the alternative she may face is that her DH makes this decision FOR her. That dog is in danger without a solution.

libbie's picture

I've answered it. She is allergic to pet dander and some other things. I don't have the list with me.

ESMOD's picture

Living with a dog actively in the home vs not actively in the home can make a difference in the allergen load. (so she could be faking but maybe not)

Plus, OP also mentioned in another blog that her BS's therapist advised that it would be GOOD for the son to rely LESS on the dog. (so a solution where the dog lives in a separate place on their property like a club house setup seems a good 1/2 way step).

And... kids can carry guilt through. I know a woman who was at the DR with her younger sister and she was supposed to get a shot. Told the doctor that her sister was the one getting the shot. (guess the mother had stepped out.. not 100% sure why that could have even happened... but she had no reason to lie). Apparently, her sister almost died as a result.

There is some amount of relation to her telling the doctor that and BS insisting that he keep his dog in the house even though he is aware his older sister (sd) can't tolerate it. She DID end up in the hospital.. that wasn't just a faking it from my understanding.

Op doesn't know if she fakes it or not. Her resentment towards the child and her wanting there NOT to be a problem with the dog can certainly color her opinions. Only a doctor can truly diagnose this.. and it seems that a doctor has confirmed some allergy to dogs as they were putting her on a shot regime.. Not saying the girl hasn't exaggerated things but I do think there could be a difference in the amount of dander present with a live animal vs absent animal.

ESMOD's picture

I don't think the dog has to go "poof".. but the dog can be transitioned to not being an "in the home" dog.. and have a nice cushy clubhouse setup which is a cool thing for a boy to have anyway.

I remember when I was 9, our house in Japan on base had a "maids" house that was basically a separate efficiency completely separated from the main home. My mom and dad set that up as our playroom. We had our sleeping room in the house, but the playroom had all our toys and a couch for sleepovers etc... It was so cool to have that place that was really ours to play in.

Instead of thinking of it as such a negative "putting the dog outside".. this place could be set up where the boy could hang out, do homework, host friends etc.. all with his beloved dog and only go inside to sleep at night.. shoot, he could overnight there on the weekends.

I understand the girl's mom was where she was before, but I think Dad should also be allowed to be an option.

What I find crappy is DAD's mantrum attitude that he won't lift a finger or do anything to help find a solution. That is HIS fault and not his daughter's.

ESMOD's picture

It's my observation that OP doesn't want to rid herself of her husband.. so not so easy peasy.

If she wanted to get rid of her husband, then there would be no issue at all.

Should she get rid of him...???? maybe some of us would in this shitsuation.

ESMOD's picture

It doesn't seem she wants him to LIVE elsewhere either.

I do agree that she should not necessarily "get rid of the dog". I don't consider keeping him out of the house proper as getting rid of him.

In the end, her husband needs to step up and help with her suggestions or offer solutions himself as his only solution to date isn't an acceptable option to her.

Realistically, a lot of married couples couldn't financially support operating two separate households. So that is why making her DH move out is not an easy peasy option.

princessmofo's picture

***Mofo breaks out in her rendition of Neil Diamond's 'Love on the Rocks'***

(cue piano)

Love on the rocks, ain't no surprise
Pour me a drink and I'll tell you some lies

***takes another shot***

WalkOnBy's picture

In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost you can see

Acratopotes's picture

dammit.... I was looking for that libbie - cause I wanted to know what you are going to do about SD's manipulation about the dog...

did you tell DH, eff you and SD, either she stops fainting and take the shots, or go and live with BM or the both of you are out....