Am I being selfish
My boyfriend and his bm have a best friend sort of relationship. It makes me very uncomfortable but everyone tells me I’m being selfish and I should be happy that everyone is getting along. I saw them together for the first time this weekend and from my point of view they were flirting. It’s hard enough they have this bond since they have a child together. I’m not sure where I fit into all of this. He assured me he doesn’t look st her romantically and they’re just good friends for the child. Am I being selfish ?
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Selfish? Not sure... jealous.
Selfish? Not sure... jealous...yes probably...justified? Not sure. You may be reading into things... but more details about their history... time since split..your relationship... to know for sure
We’ve only been dating a
We’ve only been dating a couple of months. Their “relationship” was a casual encounter and an accidental pregnancy. I’m glad they’re friends. It’s the overly friendliness that I question
When you are there.. is there
When you are there.. is there any attempt to exclude you from things? I would expect to be brought into the "friendship".. fully to some extent.
I mean, it's tough.. if they are amicable.. and can get along.. it makes other things easier. If you think that either of them have an underlying desire to be WITH the other person?.. or the flirting is OVERT and noticeable.. then that is another thing.. and maybe he isn't ready to be IN a relationship with anyone right now.
No body wants there SO flirting
With someone else. Some people don’t want the EX is there life, some people are ok with that. You don’t want a friendly relationship , or your SO have a friendly relationship with BM. That you, That ok, you have to live your life, no one can tell you how to feel or how to live your life.
You may unfortunately see that this SO may not be for you. You should have. A heart to heart talk with your SO and tell him this has to stop with BM. See what his views on this is !??
What do you mean by over
What do you mean by over friendliness?
Flirting is not ok. Ask your
Flirting is not ok. Ask your boyfriend how he'd feel if he saw you act the same way he acted with an ex boyfriend. I hate how having a kid together automatically makes it so that the new girlfriend has to over look things like that. The "for the kid" thing is crap. If they still want to be close, they should still be together. Draw a boundary now, or it will only get worse.
I made it pretty clear to my now DH what my boundaries were in the beginning. I wasn't ok with him going to his ex's house to fix things or hang out. And although he was doing those things before we started dating, he stopped immediately when we got together. I'm all for ex's being friendly, it is better for the kids when there's less animosity for sure, but he doesn't need to be super chummy; you did not sign up to be a sister wife. No dinners with the ex (with or without you), no joint birthday parties, no keys to each others' houses, no inside jokes, no late night texts, no conversations unrelated to the kid. If your boyfriend respects you as a partner, he'll respect your boundaries. None of these are too much to ask.
My 7-year-old stepdaughter
My 7-year-old stepdaughter commented the other day about how bm and I are "best friends" and I had to laugh because we don't know each other nearly well enough to be anything more than acquaintances. But we do get along for the sake of SD. If there's an event, we'll attend as a group (her, my husband, and I) or if she's driving to pick up her daughter, I'll invite her in for coffee and we'll chat. We're friendly. And this is more than enough for SD to see us as "best friends" so I don't see why anything more is necessary.
We have pretty good boundaries. We don't do joint birthday parties, we don't enter each other's homes without knocking, we don't call/text each other, we don't go out for dinner - nothing weird. My husband barely talks to her but will do what he can to keep the peace. But there's never been any confusion. SD is well aware that she has two separate families - her family with us and her family with BM. She knows dad and mom aren't together and it's as simple as that.
There is absolutely NO need for anything beyond civil behavior with the ex. Keep it casual and friendly when you need to be in the same room as one another. Kids will pick up on that and appreciate it more than you'd think.