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Left out mama's picture

My SD8 has a bad habbit of treating people they they are there to serve her.

This is not an all the time thing. There are times when she is geniuenly sweet and loving. But other times her narcissim seems extreme for an 8 year old. I get all children can be selfish, so please dont' think that everytime she seems to be only concrened with herself Im freaking out that she is showing signs of narcissitic personality disorder (but sometimes I do actually worry)

This moring she started doing the "its not my fault" crap with me over something small and stupid. I told her that wont work for me. I said "when you say its not my fault, you are saying it is really sombeody elses fault. You are responsible for what you say and do, you cannot blame others for your behavior or words."

The bigger issue was that she tried to walk through a doorway of a room that her grammie was mopping. Instead of saying "excuse me" or "may I get through" she tried to just push her way through by pushing grammie off to the side without saying a word.

Her grammie and I both told her that was rude. I told her "You cant treat people like that, you dont own the world"

A few minutes later I went to leave for work and went to give her a hug goodbye. She was in a corner pouting. I asked her why she was upset and she started crying about how she wished her grammie was not so busy and would hire a new person (grammie runs a day care) becuase she "never gets to see my grammy anymore" (she goes to grammies every morning to catch the bus, and everyday after school). I feel like the crying and pity party was more because she did not like the scolding she got and was looking for sympathy.

Her father is very supportibve when I call her on her behavior and is not one to make excusses for her behavior. We have been pretty much on the same page as far as recognizing what we feel is unacceptable behavior. (he has primary cuustody for the last 4 years)

I want her to devlop into a respectful, caring, productive person, but sometimes her behavior and attitude make me think she is turning into a true narcissist. I dont want that life for her.

Her mother is like that and because her mother has refused to take accountability (everything including her criminal history is other peoples fault) cant hold down a job, or a stable place to live becaus she puts her desires before her responsbilities. I DO NOT want SD to live like that. SD is smarter than her mother and is better able to see the reality of the world better than her mother who lives in a fantasy land, so I pray there is hope that SD will figure things out.

But I do worry. Contact with BM is limited so at least there is that but I worry she is truely her mothers daughter

Any advice is welcome


ESMOD's picture

It sounds like she is upset because her grammie isn't paying her the attention like she used to.  The "shoving" past was likely an attempt to get some attention from grammie.. not that she was being self centered about going through a doorway.

The pouting/crying actually probably was more to the point of she feels she is getting pushed aside by her grammie for the other kids.  Even when she is there in the AM.. grammie is likely working and involved with the other kids and Sd is jealous.

Left out mama's picture

she was the first kid there this morning. she had grammies undivided attention.  It was not an issue of not getting grammies attention. And this is not the first time she has been spoken to about just pushing someone out of her way. she has actually physically stepped on peopels feet if they are standing in a spot she decicieds she wants to stand in. She will push aside, or step on someone like they are nothing if they are in her way. She has actually stepped on people to make them move so she can stand where they were standing. When called on it her response was "but i wanted to stand there, they were in my way"

Left out mama's picture

I hope teaching is enough. She sees the life her BM has.... jobless, no drivers lisc  or car,  in and out of jail, transient lifestyle etc, has to go to food bank becuas she cant afford groceries, can only afford to buy clothes at good will....(I am not judging her for being poor, I am pointing out that she lives the life she does becaus of her choices. She feels like she should not have to work for what she wants, people should just give it to her. When she loses a job, it is cuase her boss is a bully, if she loses her housing its cause her roommates "steal" from her by asking her to pay rent) and the life her fahter and I have... steady jobs, own a home with a yard for her to play in. Because we hold down jobs, follow the rules, pay our bills, and respect other people and dont expect that people will just give us things and do things for us because we want it.

shamds's picture

By shoving her out of the way while she was mopping. How about helping her mop??

heck at age 7 if mum said she would think about it when i wanted a certain toy meaning i needed to prove i deserved it, i was helping with doing the laundry and other housework without being asked- i took the initiative.

i feel at times the kids born in mid 90’s onwards have slowed down a decade or 2 in their maturity levels. Its sad to see

Jcksjj's picture

Idk about narcissistic necessarily but she sounds immature for her age. That behavior makes me think of a 4 or 5 year old. Does she have any delays socially or otherwise?

Left out mama's picture


She was primarily with her mother the fist 2 years of her life and then 50/ 50 from 2-4. DH has had primary since she was about 4 1/2.

she just spent the summer with BM and there is always social , academic, and behavioral regression after seeing BM.