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Being Rude

Left out mama's picture

My SD8 goes to her Grammys every Friday night and comes home Sunday afternoon. ((BioHo lives on the otherside of the country is is not really involved other than the occassional phone call. There was a summer visit this past summer.. the first visit in 2 years but thats a whole other can of worms) 

Grammy adores her, so she gets upset if she does not get her on the weekends, and frankly it gives my SO and I  a kid free weekend... so it makes for a win win cause SD likes this arraingment to.

But I need advice... We have been dealing with some behavior issues lately, like ignoring, talking back, and eyerolling. Her Father has has told her that for each offense she has to go to bed 15 minutes early. So if she has one  offense its 15 minutes, if its 2 than 30 minutes etc. He and I have both agreed that it is not a good idea for me to be the disciplienary one, that he needs to take that role. I support this. He has told her that he askes me to let him know if she had a good morning or if she misbehaved and that I am not telling him just to tattle on her. He also lets her know when I tell him that she did really well and recognizes her for that...so its not just me saying when she does something wrong.. she knows I tell him the good stuff too.

He has to work very early in the AM which leaves me to get her ready for school. Im okay with this, we are a family and we work together. My issue is that she tends to misbehave more with me on friday than any other day, because she knows she will not be home that night to deal with any consequences. (grammy unfortuntaly wont back us up... she'll say she will but will forget, or just not do it). But I am hoping that if my SO and both ask her to back us up she will. Not bragging, but my SO family respects me and will listen to me.

But, if she does not face a consequence at the time of the misbehavior (or at least same day) than I worry that its not sinking in what the offense actually was. But I dont want to keep her home on friday night just for her to face her consequences because than I lose my kid free night!  Is it worth having her deal with it sunday night when she comes home, or does anyone have any other suggestions?

If we can get grammy to back us up and not cave to her, than great! But if not, Im stuck.

Any advice and feedback would be great 

Comments

BethAnne's picture

When we had trouble with my sd we did a comination of incrimentally earlier bed times and rewards for good behavior. So you could try using a carrot raher than a stick, if she does well on friday morning she gets something small - to watch a cartoon as soon as she gets in from school or a special treat on her way to granny's house. If she does well every morning that week she gets to choose a prize from a special prize box. Fill it with cheap things from the dollar store or the cheap bits at the front of target, stationary, little toys, hair things etc.

susanm's picture

You said that Grammy adores her.  I am guessing she will be upset if she can not have her on Friday.  I would have a heart to heart with her and let her know that the SD is playing on this "get out of jail free card" in order to misbehave.  If she keeps it up then Fridays will have to be cancelled unless Grammy is willing to back you up and demonstrate her disapproval for this behavior.  She may not want to cooperate but it is worth a shot. 

Or can you insititue a penalty right then and there on Friday morning?  Some unpleasant chore that must be completed before she goes to school?  And if she is late then she faces that penalty with the school as well.  Sure, it will be a scene the first few times but once she knows you are serious and she is not going anywhere until she complies, maybe she will decide that it is not worth shooting her mouth off.

ndc's picture

It might be worth trying out not letting her go to Grammy for one night after she acts up on a Friday morning.  If going there is something she enjoys, and she realizes that's the consequence for misbehavior on Friday, you might nip it in the bud and improve her behavior while still maintaining your skid-free weekend (except for the first one or two times).  It sounds like she responds to consequences and alters her behavior based on perceived consequences, so it's worth a try.  I'm sure Grammy can go a night or two without having her, especially if she's previously had the option to enforce your punishments and didn't.  You might train Grammy with this consequence as well - bonus!

ESMOD's picture

it may be a bit of "fridayitis"...she is just more keyed up. it's friday... long week and starting fun soon.  just give the consequence on next night you have her... i doubt she really thinks that she is getting over on you if she still faces it at a later date.