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I guess I'm not the only one with this issue

Learning to Stepparent's picture

I'm a member of another message board, not blended family related at all, and I saw a thread this morning where a mom was asking how to get her 6 year old to bundle up in the winter time. I gather she lives in an area that gets a real winter. It seems the child did not want to wear their winter coat and hat and such when going to school. I laughed because I posted a thread here awhile back commenting on the same issue I have with SD5.

So many people on that thread were telling her "oh, it's no big deal, let natural consequences take over, if she is cold because she went to school without a coat she will learn to put her coat on." Only a few people said she is 6, parent your kid and make her put it on. I pointed out that if your kid won't listen to you about wearing her winter coat in January at 6 years old what makes you think she will listen to you at 16 when you don't want her to wear bootie shorts and a tube top out. Some one actually said they didn't see the connection between allowing a 6 year old to dress herself for winter and a allowing a 16 year old dress herself for a date.

I laughed so hard I nearly cried at that one.


Learning to Stepparent's picture

Hey, you know if your teenager wants to be all cool and go out with no winter coat or boots in January they can knock themselves out. At 6? Hell no. Your butt is putting on your coat whether you like it or not.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Sure, if you're not used to it, there can be an adjustment period. I get the impression from this mom that they have always lived in a cold weather area and she said she fights with her 6 year old every morning to put her coat and hat and all that on.

I pointed out to all the people saying it wasn't a big deal and let it go that if the kid won't listen to her mother at 6 years old to put her winter coat on in January what does this mom think will happen when the kid is 16 and wants to wear booty shorts and a tube top out? I mean the kid wouldn't listen to her at 6 why would she listen to her at 16? I was quickly taken to task and informed that there is absolutely no peer reviewed study that supports the claim that not wanting to wear a winter coat at 6 leads to dressing like a trollop at 16.

Hello missing the point.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

I said that too!!!! I said I'm in northern Michigan where we get REAL winters and I'm pretty sure if you sent your 6 year old do school with no winter coat in January you could be reported to CPS.

I was told that the person taking me to task for being such a mean old meanie head to my child which would only lead to rebellion lives in Canada, and not the warm part of Canada either, and if the 6 year old showed up to school without a winter coat they would be kept in from recess and a note would be sent home about and if it kept happening they would call the parent to make sure they had the resources to provide warm clothes for the child because often people who need help don't know about the proper resources.

I really hit a nerve over there lol.

WalkOnBy's picture

Meh - when my kids were little, I put their damn coats on them and told them to STFU and go!

when they were tweens and teens? Darwinism, baby. If they were too stupid, cool, idiotic, whatever to not wear a coat when it was 10 below? You get what you get and NO, you don't get to miss school when you come down with a cold Smile

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Word. People were saying "kids need to be able to make their own choices, blah, blah, blah."

Sure, I don't disagree with that but you need to have taught them a good foundation to make decisions first and the decisions needs to be age appropriate. You know, at 6 if you want to wear striped pants with a polka dot shirt knock yourself out. Want to go out without a coat? No.

But according to all the people over there I am just a bitch who is going to end up with rebellious kids because I made them put their coats on in January.

WalkOnBy's picture

YAWN!!! And they will end up with rebellious entitled asshole kids who get their asses kicked by society.

Tell them I said so - lol!!

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Sure, at that point. But if the kid leaves the house without a jacket because they aren't cold by the time they get to school they may very well be signing a different tune but can't put one on because they don't have one.

Again, I really think it depends on the age. 15? You want to act like an idiot, knock yourself out and don't come crying to me when you get cold. 6? Put the damn jacket on.

DaizyDuke's picture

How does something like this even get to BE a battle with a 6 year old? I have a 6 year old and he gets shut down and has all along when he wants to do foolish things.... which is why we don't have battles. Just the other day, it was a bit warmer here for NY so I put a hooded sweatshirt on him and his puffer vest. He crabbed a little, said he wanted to wear his jean jacket. I told him that was a no go that it wasn't THAT warm.... and that was the end of it. Because he knows what arguing with me will get him... NOWHERE

It's your job as a freaking parent! It is not a CHILD'S job (at least at age 6) to "learn the hard way" That's just called lazy, crappy parenting in my book.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Because we live in the age of kids are to be given choices. Your kid throws tantrums? It's because they don't feel like they can control anything, give them choices and they will stop feeling the need to act out. Your kid refuses to get in the car? Tell them they can either get in the car now or they can play for two minutes and then get in the car.

It's not about listening to parents it's about "building their self esteem" by allowing them to make choices for themselves.

I mean I get that, to a certain extent, but come on. A 6 year old refusing to put her coat on in winter is just a kid in a power struggle with mom because she has been taught from an early age that all she has to do is refuse and mom gives in. How many of us have stepkids who act the same way?

As it was pointed out to me today, a parent allowing their 6 year old to not wear a coat outside in the winter when they didn't want to is demonstrating to the child how a thoughtful, reasonable parent takes another persons feelings and desires into account.

My bullshit meter was screaming on that one. That's just lazy parenting right there.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

I was also told if a child refuses to listen to their parents at 16 because they were allowed out without a coat at 6 there are deeper issues going on. It's amazing how bad some people are at reading comprehension.

Cover1W's picture

LOL - we had this battle with then SD7.
It was winter and she consistently battled coats, hats, gloves, scarves, long underwear, etc. It's not THAT cold here but there was a really bad cold snap that year. The last straw was that we were all heading out to a winter festival and it was well below freezing.
SD7 decided she was NOT going to wear any layers and no coat or anything.
Cue tears and arguing with DP.

Me, finally, saying "Well, I guess that we just aren't going then."
I start taking off all my outerwear.
SD then 9 starts freaking out and yelling at her sister to just get the clothes on, SD7 starts crying and sloooowly gets dressed.

After we were all outside she admits it's cold and then still got cold at the festival.
She's never argued since.

SD now 12 is another story...she refused to wear a winter coat last year at all, but DP made her take it with her a couple times. It wasn't dangerously cold and it was just all about how she didn't want to wear a winter coat. And she ended up putting it on. She wears one now no argument.