Fight with SD8 right before sending back to BM

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This morning the girls were getting ready to go back to their moms and sd8 puts on a new outfit MIL just bought. I was like "I don't think so, we will never see that again, I want you to put on the dress that your mom sent you in because that is what daddy and I agreed on."

She complained about how the strap hurts her and I mentioned she wore a shirt underneath it and she said she didn't like that shirt and she wanted to wear a different one. I told her no, that she had to wear the one her mom sent (I didn't want it, why should we keep BMs clothes?) she stood over by the dresser moping and whimpering like a dog and I told her over and over and over again to go get her shirt nicely and she didn't do it. Finally I yelled at her to do it.

Sure, I should have went out and brought DH in to handle it but I couldn't control myself at that point, I was so angry. It's too late to say "if only I did...."

DH is a little disappointed it happened right before we send her to BM for a week cuz now she'll have this bad experience. She went crying to DH "she's always so mean to me!"

Not true!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone do this? Lol

Go to the local thrift store

Go to the local thrift store and buy the worst junk clothing you can find and send her in that. She'll probably find it more comfortable anyway.

I think this is a "pick your

I think this is a "pick your battles" situation - it will come up over and over again in the years to come so is probably worth deciding to step away from it now to save yourself the ongoing drama.

I used to do this with my two BS for the first year or so (make them get back into clothes from their dads) but realised it was only hurting them. They have favourite clothes and want to wear the same ones all the time so it was unfair that just because I was buying what turned out to be the favourite clothes meant they could only wear them when at my house. It is a pain as they transport a bag of "favourite clothes" back and forth rather than having a complete set of clothes here and at their dad's but it isn't worth the trouble complaining about it. I do feel annoyed that I seem to be the only one buying most of the good clothes but in the end it won't matter - at least they won't remember me for being the mum that causes drama controlling where and when they can wear "my clothes".

If SD8 loves this new dress so much think of it as a great thing that she loves something from "your house". I'm sure BM will struggle as much to get it off her for her return to your house as it will be the dress she wants to wear all the time. They grow out of clothes so quickly at this age, the more wear she can get out of a favourite item the better.

Naw.... if she's being

Naw.... if she's being disrespectful and disobedient, the timing wouldn't matter to me. I'd be pissy and it would show.

Yep I messed up. It's a major

Yep I messed up. It's a major pet peeve of mine when the kids outright say no to my face. They know the rules. BM sends them in clothes, expects them all back, but doesn't send ours back, so we end up with less clothes or shitty clothes and we just can't afford that.

But I knew I screwed up... Just wanted to vent. Thanks for the advice guys, I will for sure use a combination of the above.

yes yes yes happens to me all

yes yes yes happens to me all the damn time!

Whew glad someone's right

Whew glad someone's right there with me! (Well, not happy for you, but you know what I mean lol) I'm a regular offender, and I'm deciding "you know what, my kid follows the rules and I enforce things to make them into better people. But if it's going to cause problems with DH and the SD's then maybe I'll just worry about my own kids future development and DH can handle theirs."

I'm going to bring this up in counseling tmrw. I need to get this under control. I shouldn't be so controlling of his kids, but I've known them almost their whole lives and I do love them and I feel like they are mine sometimes.

Yeah I'll apologize. I sent

Yeah I'll apologize. I sent her sis a text too. We will see!

I see no issue with it. You

I see no issue with it. You directly addressed defiant kid behavior. That is what should happen.

As for the just before she leaves situation, 8yo kids have a memory that is almost as bad as your average Alzheimer's patient so don't sweat it. SD's timing on this is classic SKid with a visitation schedule.

SS used to have pre visitation behavioral degradation starting about a week before he left for Sperm Land visitation and then about 3 weeks of post visitation behavioral detox when he came home from exposure to the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.

On a EOW or EOWE type visitation I am sure the pre and post visitation behavioral crap is enough to piss off he Pontiff.

Regarding the clothes, SD needs clarity that clothes provided by BM go back to BMs and clothes provided by your end of the blended family equation stay on your end. No argument. End of story. PERIOD! This is reasonable until the Skid demonstrates responsible care and behavior with her clothing. A few more years are in order for this IMHO.

IMHO of course.

Rags, you always make me feel

Rags, you always make me feel better. Lmao
I can't stand defiant kid behavior. I'm going to just shift the reigns solely over to DH I think, and I'm pretty sure I will cringe half the times he punishes them. But I'm not responsible for how these kids turn out and I need bliss!

Regarding the clothes.... I'll just need to let it go and start shopping at Salvation Army or good will to replace if they run low I guess.
Rags I've explained this to them so many times and the older one is getting it but the 8yo pushes it every time cuz "iiiiiiii dooonnttt waaaannna wear a dress!!!!!!" Then why the fuck did you let your mom put you in one, yet you are crying and bitching at me about it?! Fucker! Lol

I personally agree with everything you say, however it seems that DH and the majority of society feel I'm somehow verbally abusing her when I do things like this. Man things used to be way different!

BM used to be okay with me punishing the girls. The girls would complain to her and she would say "well maybe if you two would be more well behaved then SM wouldn't have to be so hard on you"
Then we got married and now BM is protective over them. So DH walks on eggshells with how we treat them cuz they complain back and forth because BM and us are longer united. Man girls are drama.

My DS says hardly anything about his dad. Drama free lol.