Resentment grows deeper, questioning our marriage
Still questioning our marriage. Not sure if I've talked about this weeks ago or what but as he doesn't do as he's promised, my resentment toward him grows deeper. I love him and there are good times... But...
- I don't want to have sex with him. It's becoming a hassle. I give and give with nothing I request in return.
- won't get a batter job, so therefore we will never have a house(vs an apartment), room for a baby, with anything left to live on. Shit, we need to buy an extra car now, how will we afford that because he's too lazy to go back to being an electrician or whatever a new trade.
- leave me to turn your brats into good ppl? Impossible. They are BM and I'm coming to terms that they are just like her and will never be like my DS. Because they aren't mine. So you fucking deal with them you're almost 40 asshole. You don't "recognize" when they are being brats all the time? Or think the whining is ok and that they can be inconsistent, fine. Ill parent mine, the girls will think I don't care about them, again, and I'll be like you know what, go ask your dad why the rules are different for DS vs you two and see what he says.
- he's not as mean/rude as he was. More so condescending I guess in his tone. I told him all my feelings and he's working on that right now... Which is nice. I notice.
- remember, I'm 25, you're 38, meaning yes we still need to leave the house because I am still living my 20's and am experiencing things. I'm not ready to just sit on the couch 24/7 and watch shows and movies on our days off. I want to go to the beach, out to dinner, winery, friends, whatever! Fresh air!
Anyways I had to vent. I question our marriage, we just got married a year ago and it's tough. Resentment grows deeper, yet I still wait for him to get off, text him through the day and love him. But sometimes I feel like leaving his ass. But I promised his dad he wouldn't lose me as a daughter in law a year ago and ugh to put the kids and all the family through another divorce, how stressful on everyone. And us.
But I want a baby, not with someone I'm unsure about.
Maybe I'll just have a baby with someone else, so if we don't work out, we don't share custody lol