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Happy Dadmas? No? Ok..

Lady.Tremaine's picture

Well Dadmas ( our weekend prior to the holiday) started off... Great.

SD4 has a bad cough. So we definitely wanted her Friday night regardless (SD7 will get a cold soon as they are always together) plus this is our only time to give them their gifts.

Both of the kids were happy and grateful for the gifts . SD4 asked to go home at 10. Fine used to it. Could go on a rant on how it's BM and Dh's fault 

So we have a great morning with SD7. SD4 is to be dropped off at 1 to go to Grandpa's with us.

Smart option 1 for BM: keep her in bed. She's sick get her some rest

Smart option 2: have her dressed in layers so at least she's warm and comfy

Option 3: send her in the Disney nightgown from my mom last night ( not warm) and plastic play heels

 

Guess ! Guess which one !!

If it was 3 congrats - here's your imaginary prize

So we go to Grandpa's. Kiddo is sick . We are doubting everything but too late now.

My SIL.has laid out a great platter. There's video games. There's adults that love them. Basically a no conflict zone

Well we get SD4 tea which she agreed with. Out of nowhere she starts bawling. And nothing can console her. DH gets fed up and asks if she wants to go home to mom. She nods and he gets ready to go. 

In the meantime my sister in law calmed her but DH was too fed up so he took her home.

When DH was out his family and I talked about everything. He and BM created this. While its on them it hurts us

I sit across my sleeping SD7 and I understand and know our bond. It took years but I love this kid. I can't say the same for SD4. She's cute but her mother owns her head space. Her dad's family wants to be in her world so badly but these weird fits ( yes she's young - yes she's sick ) make DH give up. 

 I'm not really asking for advice just venting. I can't do anything but be the best step mom to SD7 and love SD4 as things go

 

 

Comments

Livingoutloud's picture

It’s sad. But you can’t care more than parent does. He needs more regular visitations and more time with the kid. 50/50 or similar. Or at least something consistent. Then she might get used to things better because of routine. But they don’t even have CO. So if he doesn’t care, there is nothing you can do to make him care. Sad. 

Lady.Tremaine's picture

He does care but there's not really much we can do. 

There's no CO and both BM and DH let the kids decide whether or not to visit. 

Hopefully someday he'll man up and either keep the kids when agreed or get a damn CO

Livingoutloud's picture

Don’t know what you mean nothing can be done. Nothing you can do. But DH could have a CO and enforce visitations. Taking kids back to mom when they cry is a cop out. What do people do in intact families when kids cry? He cares but in a very passive way.

you are nicer person than I am. I’d not put up with lack of structure. DH would either have to get CO within specific time frame or I’d move back to be with my family.  

 

somethingwicked's picture

Bio hobag is an abusive negilgent nutcase.

Your DH .Kid is only 4 ..he should fight harder for her..if he really cared.Start with taking hobag to court for that in concrete CO.

You are a good person with a huge heart. Your family as well so supportive.

I fear you  will  wear down and out because of antics like this. DH is happy on the fence or even off it while Ho calls the shots and stirs the pots.

The dynamic  won't change without DH causing himself some discomfort to change this status quo , committing to doing some heavy lifting as the EX seems  content with the dysfunctional setup.

"Dadmas" ~LOL ~that's very good.

 

Lady.Tremaine's picture

First of - thanks for saying I'm a decent person. I needed that after this weekend.

I agree. He does need to take these steps otherwise youngest SD will always be a stranger in our home. She deserves her dad and our family in her life but it's going to cost DH some comfort . 

It is wearing me down. His family out here has been great but I'm 1000 miles from my family and friends because of BM and these kids. This site has been a venting lifesaver but it's no replacement for my mom or sister. 

somethingwicked's picture

Plan some YOU time with YOUR family ASAP, Lady T.

Time to recharge your  emotional battery with the dependable touchstones in your life ~ those people who ground you  : your mom and sister, from whom you could  take some comfort and relief .

Make plans for a trip soon..okay?And just you.

Let DH enjoy his time with his children while you go visit family  ~ he can lean on his family as needed .