Keeping the peace vs. Being a doormat
Okay, so since EX moved out, BB has gotten 10x worse. All of the coparenting counseling that did so much good has gone wasted and she's back to manipulating and lying and breaking the CO. I posted about a few incidents last week. EX has been to the police station three times in the past month to file reports on BB failing to drop SS off with him for various reasons. He spoke to his lawyer last week and they decided to file for contempt, specifically because of the incident where she refused to drop SS with EX because Ex took him to see the Transformers movie. There are 3 other days that she refused to release SS, mostly when EX was a few minutes late though he had called to let her know, and despite the fact that she is late more than he is.
While we were talking about it, we also discussed that it's ridiculous that EX does all the driving (the CO doesn't specify drop-off points or who does what, only times) *specifically* on HIS weekends when he takes SS to church, which he volunteered to do even when the judge told him that she wouldn't order SS to go anywhere near that church on EX's time. Not only does EX give up his mornings, but he drives him AND picks him up--a 20 minute drive for him each way. BB has done nothing but cause him grief and turmoil and since the CO doesn't say anything about driving, EX needs to start having her pull her own weight. He was all about filing for a modification so that these and other issues could be resolved.
Well, yesterday we were talking and he tells me that he rethought it and he's NOT filing for contempt nor for a modification. He's also not going to file for a decrease to the child support, claiming that he wants to "keep the peace". I think he also doesn't want to spend the money, but he spends it on other things so if it were important to him, he could do it. Honestly...when does it stop being about trying to get along and start becoming about what's fair and right? How can you expect other people to take your seriously when you allow them to get away with their bullshit time and time again? There IS no peace. The only time things ever calmed down was after court. She ALWAYS lost.
And the phone calls...she still calls SS at night even tho she sees him 3 hours before he goes to bed at drop-off! If EX doesn't answer she leaves threatening messages on the voicemail. GOD why wouldn't you want to put an end to that nonsense?
Ex made a comment about how I always want/wanted to fight and he's just not that way. Well Christ, I mean sometimes don't you have to take a stand??? Does he enjoy being shit on, over and over?? Why would he not want to make things better?
UGH...sorry, just really annoyed today. Especially since he had me researching and worrying and I had to be the shoulder, and now I feel like I stressed myself for no reason.
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Comments
Dang Krissy, no offense sweetie,
Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.
But let go completley and move on from this guy, he is your ex for a reason(several reasons I am sure). If he is not inclinded to do a damn thing about HIS situation then let it be, if he feels like being pissed on, used, cursed at and threatend then that agian is HIS choice. If he truly believes that his cowardness and precarious actions are really in the name of peace then agian it is HIS situation, his life and his personal integrity that he is defiling, not yours. I completley understand that at one time you loved this man, cared/loved his child, but at this point you need to be concentrating on you and your life, not his. The truth is you cannot be frustrated, hurt, angered, or stressed by his situation any longer unless YOU allow him to pull you in time and agian. For your own health, for your own future, for your own peace of mind, let this man deal with his own life from here on out. Be a friend if you wish, a listening ear, even offer advice if that is what he is asking for and you are willing to give, but then close the door, because beyond that you and he are not together anymore and non of it is YOUR problem any longer...sorry, agian if what I have said sounds a bit harsh, but you are a beautiful lady, with an awesome heart, tend to yourself Krissy...just let your ex and his problems be his alone.
Krissy...you are too nice!
Many of the primary reasons you left are still finding a way to creep back into your life. You are a good person. You still care about your Ex and his awful situation with BB. It's time you start caring for YOU!!! It's hard to let go but you should be mad because all your help and research ends up being for nothing. He still won't do anything. He is still a doormat and has chosen that path for himself.
I think I would
have to say let go.
Your to emotionally attached and I am not trying to hurt your feelings at all, you are a sweet person and you do have valid points. I understand that you still care, but why? You two are divorcing, so why is he calling you to tell you things? Or vice versa? You deserve someone without all the crap he put you in. There CO and co-parenting should be a non issue for you now. I know easier said then done to just stop those feelings but I think its time. I just think that your still to emotionally and just to involved, they are both dumb if you ask me. he is a wimp and she is a manipulative person, so let them be them and you move on and find something else. When he calls you to talk tell him you are not his buddy or his best friend, you are his soon to be ex and you really cannot handle being emmeshed in his life. To much drama for you and that maybe he should find someone else to call about his issues..
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
I agree ...
... it's time to let go. You don't want him in your life, so I think you need to ask yourself ... why are you hanging on? Why are you staying involved?
~ Katrina
Krissy
You are just like me you care too much. I know how hard it is to let go. You really need to let him take care of his own problems.