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HELP my husband just died

KarR's picture

OK so its still early on since my Wonderful hubby passed.Unfortunaly he did not leave a will 2nd marriage for both of us. We kept everything separate thank the good Lord. I don't think he relized w/ 2nd marriage 50/50. I truly don't want nor need anything..However the problem lies with my step son....nolonger ! He has stolen lied manipulated been to jail throughout his youth andbis still doing horrific things. My husband always said if his lips are moving he's lying. Im executor so...My only problem is what if anything to give him. Im going to go exactly by the law . I plan on including my husbands (SS) 2 children in my will. Ive just started the probate and I know SS is going to be extremely angry when he figures out hes not getting EVERYTHING although he's been talking to people saying his Uncle hired an attorney and his father wanted him to have everything. Oh his name of choice for me is Evil pill popping Alcoholic! While i do take a few prescriptions I don't drink.....he has nasty words for his mother his minlaw....and constantly wanted to talk to me about how bad his father is/ was. Thats a very brief overview. I guess im looking for a lil support suggestions....I havnt heard a word or seen him since the funeral wich was a month ago.   Anyone ever been in this situation? My lawyer said I don't have to speak to him..I did put in a new alarm system with cameras. Looking forward to any insight...I shouldn't be this upset about him I did so so much for him. I guess that's what hurts.


tog redux's picture

I'm sorry about your husband. Follow your attorney's advice, people get crazy when it's about money. 

ESMOD's picture

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Please follow your lawyer's advice and direct any inquiries to him.  My law professor in college had several stories to tell about how friends and family will behave badly.. and even illegally after someone has passed.  My husband's cousing recently passed suddenly and it was discovered that a neighbor must have stolen many items from his home including firearms that the family knew the guy had.  Can't prove it of course.. but people coming up and demanding items that their aunt Booboo promised them verbally.. showing up to the house with a Uhaul while the funeral is in progress... all sorts of shenanigans.

Kudos to you for attempting to follow both the law and what you believe your husband would have wanted. 

I'm sorry you are dealing with the extra stress at an already heartbreaking point in your life.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I'm so sorry for your loss. And angry with your late H for leaving you in this position.

Some things bring out the worst in people, with money and death at the top of the list. I would advise that you only communicate with your late husband's son through your attorney; that's what he/she is there for, and you don't need any added stress at this time. Disregard the posturing and complaining from the trash; people like that are always taking carp. If he does come to your home, call the police and don't answer the door.

Please keep checking in. We are here for you, and again, I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

You are under no obligation to leave anything to your stepkids in your will. Make bequests to those who have been good to you, not those who've tormented you.

Thumper's picture

I am so sorry to read that your husband has passed away. 

Listen to your lawyer.

Again I am sorry.

CLove's picture

My condolences on your loss of your husband. Take the advice of no communication except through a lawyer. Block block block and security cameras.

This is what I fear as well, that DH's items will be 50/50. right now thats just the jeep, because everything else is in both our names, but still I worry.

shamds's picture

My aunt that i have not had any relationship with in 26 yrs since mum kicked her out of our home overseas, has been harassing my husband saying my mum promised her our home, that she could live in it and her son just got married and wants to live in there. 

my husband said tough, its currently bring sold and disposed of. She sent 2 religious videos from some religious cleric how unethical it is to dispose of a deceased estate promised to others. These dipshits when my mum had a stroke wanted her to give this property to them to live in indefinitely.

We have a specialist letter on hospital letterhead stating as a result of her stroke, she is mentally incapacitated but these idiots still think a contract exists because "it was verbal".

these idiots can eat shit for all i care.

people are nasty, follow your lawyers advice, they've dealt with all kinds of crazy scenarios 

KarR's picture

I appreciate all the kind words and support. I guess until I married into this family I was extremely protected id never been involved with the devastation of drugs or steped foot in a jail. As i was going through files even i was unaware of the extent. There's 2 grands that I would like to set something up for both my deceased husband and I loved them dearly. I don't understand the minds of drug addicts or liers so this is very difficult for me 

futurobrillante99's picture

Talk to your attorney and find out if he/she does trust funds for the grandchildren. A college fund for each would be really nice if you can swing it. You can also lock up the SS's inheritance in a trust fund so that he gets a check every month but never owns the principle. Smile Talk to your attorney.

KarR's picture

Talked with attorney...he said hes dealt with this situation many times...Basically told me no matter what I do in his experience I will be wrong..scrutinized..blamed and nothing will be good enough. The best I can do is keep extremely good records especially anything to do with the estate as I get paid $150 an hour. Now that just feels wrong to me as im taking care of the man that i love .....personal items and finances. The lawyer explained that this will be the only way to get $$$ Im entitled to without SS being able to do much about it. So Im going to think about it as all the hours and aggravation visiting jails..searching pawnshops paying for cars trucks insurance....for SS when I look at it that way .Im getting reimbursed and it will come from cash on hand that SS would be entitled to.  ....My husband must be jumping up and down with the thought of his son who he loved so much getting his $$ for more drugs..I just can't believe I havnt heard a peep from him....That in itself is scary and deep down I absolutely love the grands and I know in my heart they will eventually be tried to be used as pawns . My granddaughter & husbands are 8 months apart and best of friends so very sad that the girls will lose their friendship soon after losing their grandpa. My husband had a better relationship with my grands then his own. I always did my best to treat them equal. Well I blabbered enough...Ill continue to put it in the Lords hands and muck my way through. Blessings to all for a fantastic day..

ALL you 2nd wives double triple check your state laws and MAKE sure everything is written in a will....EVERYTHING!....Never did I expect my husband to die this early in his life nor be going through the consequences of putting off writing a will. K

KarR's picture

As things arrise ...Im actually doing ok ...however im thinking about how many ..Ive read about on here that have blended families...PLEASE please have the serious talk about what would happen if either spouse passed. Many continue to believe wife/ husband gets all . This is just not true! Most important is also cars & bank accounts. Make sure both names are on everything. If not things get frozen it will take time to sort out. Especially Adult children of first marriage are entitled to 50% of everything if there's no will. This could have huge implications! Especially if there's young children and spouse that passed is breadwinner! You need to have the what if chat and put it in a legal will. Im thinking if I wasn't independently blessed on my own financially id be in an extremely rough situation. And please check the laws of the state you live in. Many are different. While it may sound morbid or i dont want to talk about it. ....I beg you to update your wishes it could be the difference from losing your home ...paying bills and being able to provide for 2nd marriage children. Im not an attorney so nothing im saying is grounded in the law. Just my view point. From what im experiencing.I read many stories on here about issues with previous spouses and children. If theres no will you will be dealing with much unnecessary heartache in addition to losing a loved one. Make sure everyone is on the same page. Any assets prior to marriage is considered an estate item you will only be entitled to 50% depending on what state you live in.