New to the site
Like many others i have been just visiting for a short while and i just cant believe that so many of us are dealing with imature situations....is our society just this messed up...i mean it should be about the kids and raising them in a proper environment...me and DH have been married under a year and the drama from his ex kills me..i need some advice, how i do i handle discipline my SS but also allow my DH to disicpline my bsteen....i mean my teen sees the division between us when it comes to rules in the house....i will say one thing to bs and i know my hubby doesnt agree with everything i use as discipline, i can see it on my dh face when i discipline my bs, dh doesnt think i am tough enough on him...i know he is right but how to i involve my dh and use some of his suggestions..i hope this make sense to the group...but i need help because there is a division between us...
Hello and welcome!
Missouri must be a hotbed of crappy step-parenting issues! JK, I'm from MO too.
Discipline is a tricky beast. For our household, my DH disciplines my BD8 (no physical discipline, just grounding, taking away privlidges, etc.) but not my BS11. BS was VERY reluctant to DHs presence and we agreed that I should handle BS for a while. We've been living together over a year now and recently DH has started to verbally correct him, but still not impose punishments. Of course, I'm MUCH stricter than DH, so that works out well for us.
SD8 however is a whole other matter. I have her more than either of her parents so I feel like I should have a bigger say in her discipline than I do. However they both disagree with discipline in general and spoil her rotten. I have pretty much taken a back seat. When she gets out of control I send her to her room and that's about it. It's unfair in our house and we ALL know it. But I've explained to the biokids that, much like I don't dictate how their dad does things with them, I don't dictate how DH handles SD. They really balked in the beginning, but truthfully, they think she's a PITA too and they know it's because she's never disciplined. We also watch those nanny shoes together and they conspiritorily will point out SDs behaviors on the show and give each other the sly glances and knowing nods. They're smart, they get it without me having to spell it out to them.
My advise, until you're on the same page, you handle yours and he handles his. Then discuss it later and offer kudos and suggestions for improvements, but don't ever contridict in front of the kids. I say kudos too because we all have things in our parenting that we could do better and things that we are doing great. It's important to acknowledge your DH's parenting achievements as well as offer suggestions on improvement and vice versa.
Good luck and welcome!