HOW do you disengage part-time??
Is it even possible? As alot already know I am with SS5 more than his own father. BM is NOwhere to be found..he doesn't even know who she is. My FH works 9am-9pm except Thursdays and Sundays are his days off. So from 5-9pm during the week and ALL day Saturday I care for SS as my own.
When he is in my care I take care of him and discipline him as I feel fit. (I've never done more than send him into time out though). Even putting him to bed early I called FH and asked his permission...
NOW socially SS is 6 in one month and acts 3. When he is with me my BD and I reinforce his talking and acting like a "big boy"..but as soon as FH walks in it's back to baby talk and FH maybe 1 out of 10 times will do something about it.
We argued a few times over the weekend because he doesn't feel there is a problem with SS's behavior..that is "just how he is" he stated..when SS5 literally cried for 2hours (NOT an exagerration( about a TINY can't even see with a microscope scratch he got when he fell down FH just said "he's sensitive"..no SHYTT!!!! My own daughter I didn't baby that much..is it bleeding? no....wash it off..stick a band aid if bleeding..your fine .. go play.
I don't know what to do..I told myself screw it..when FH is home HE can deal with him .. but FH still looks to me to parent this child when he is home too...I'm getting very resentful. I told FH if I'm going to be the majority caretaker than you have to support me and trust in how I care. Otherwise ... make other arrangement for him until 9at night..
I'm just frustrated..how can I disengage when FH is home..without resenting this child?
A perfect example. I have been on FH's butt about making SS use words to ask for things..not just point or say one word. We went on a short trip yesterday..40 minutes. First I roll my eyes when I see FH give SS a sippy cup..uggh.."he'll be thirsty" MY opinion he could wait til' we get there, but whatever..
So on the way home..no more sippy cup cuz' he drank it all in five minutes on the way there..he says "dadda.water". So FH hands him a bottled water. I tell FH in the front seat quietly that this is my point..he should make him say "daddy can I have some water please" instead of just "water". So five minutes later SS does it again "dadda.water"..what does FH do - GIVES HIM WATER!!!!!
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wow, Kaf...u have yur hands full!!!
I feel for u, and my advice to u would be to do exactly what you said....have DH make arrangments for child care unless he is going to allow you to discipline, etc. as u see fit...As a ft SM to three skids, I know that unless u have the full support of the DH to take on the mother role to kids (especially when BM is nowhere to be found)...its nearly impossible. Sometimes I think it takes some drastic behavior on yur part to truly get DH to see the light...and if he doesn;t, you will HAVE to find a way to sit back and watch the train wreck that will be yur DH's guilt parenting....stay strong!!!
"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"
it's so hard
though cuz' when you are full time SM you love them like your own..I wouldn't sit back and watch my BD act that way whether her dad was around or not...uggh! it's soooo frustrating!
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
Girl... I ask myself the same thing...
In my case, DH is extremely supportive with what i do, and although he used to baby her when i wasn't in the picture, he doesn't really baby her nearly as much as he used to anymore... she does that all the time, she "hurts" herself, and makes a big deal out of it... although DH and I both don't pay much attention to it...
I don't work, and I take care of both SD5 and BS1 without a problem, but when he is home, you would think that he would take care of his daughter (make her dinner, bathe her, etc...) but... NOOOOOOP....
I keep dealing with her even when he is home... and for this summer, I am totally going to disengage, I even told him that... because the more involve i am, I get more frustrated and that affects our marriage... that's why I wrote a blog entry saying that when SD5 is around, we fight so much more... because I AM the one who has to deal with her whinning, crying, asking for things, messes... etc... all day, even when he is home, so i get irritable, after telling her to pick up her toys like 20 times, and after having her under my but all day, and whinning for anything/everything...
SO... I will disengage... how? i don't know...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
Gia..
I replied to that blog also.
LOL! Last night I was in bathroom brushing my teeth..SS asked if he could brush his teeth..I told him to go ask his dad..(not because I couldn't or didn't want him to)..I just wanted his dad to be the responsible one to get up and put toothpaste on his toothbrush (FH was sitting watching the Celtics lose!!) what does FH do? Told SS to ask me..at this point I basically had to. LOL
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
and guess what, girls....
when they get older....mine r teens....its still the same way...they come to me for everything....and if they do ask DH...he says ask Lotus....wtf?...LOL...not making excuses....but I think these men just think they can leave the child rearing to us women period...whether they r bios or steps...know what I mean?...trust me..I have been thru hell n back with DH...that's why I'm sayin...put yur foot down now Kaf, while he is little...and it may just pay off when SS is older...it did for me...
"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"
Kaff...
Oh my! The baby words are NOT ok! Does SS go to school? What do his teachers say?
DH needs to stop that immediately! SS will turn out messed up if he continues to be treated like an infant.
I would tell DH, especially since BM isn't around, that you are the "mom" in the house, and all children will follow the same rules. You both can come up with the rules, but all children need to follow them.
I'm with you, if your not bleeding profusely, wash it off and go on your merry way. You are on a slippery slope with SS.
~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.
his teachers
in kindergarten have told him that he is not socially at the same level as others his age..his aftercare has also said the same thing.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
DH sounds like he is guilt
DH sounds like he is guilt parenting because BM is not around, but he does have a SM, so it's not like he doesn't have a mother figure in his life!
I wish I knew what to tell you, but other than DH making him act right, there is nothing you can do more than you do already. Especially if he doesn't act that way with you.
~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.
In this case...
I don't think SS has a SM... he has a MOM... because his mother is not even around... so This woman IS his mother... period...
diaper>???
Crayon - WHY did he have a DIAPER on?? WHAT??
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"