Bil step drama
So I’ve already talked about my bil and his now fiancé. My bil’s wife died in a car accident when they boys were young so it was just the 3 of them for some time. Everyone in the family stepped up to help including the boys maternal family. Their grandmother takes them every other weekend and spends time with them over the summer. They are very involved.
My bil has been confiding in us a lot since his woman and her kids moved in. He loves her a lot but can’t stand her kids. she doesn’t discipline and wants them to be included in everything. He has no desire to play dad to her kids. He is a super dad I can say that. He cooks breakfast everyday, but when his boys are gone he sleeps in. They go places, hell go toss a ball with them but when they go see family there’s a huge difference. I think his fiancé and her kids see that and want him to act like super dad even when his kids are gone.
My husband tells him The kids don’t have a dad so he might have to get used to stepping up little if he marries their mom. Now the family is slowly getting sucked in. I made a comment about having a cookout and all the kids can come swim. He says no they can stay home. So she and her kids are going to sit home while we have a cookout?! My MIL was talking to me about the family reunion this summer. She’s told him to bring everyone. There will be enough kids to keep them occupied but he says he doesn’t want them to ruin the fun. HE’S excluding them not us. We’re trying.
I get both sides. He doesn’t have to toss a ball if his kids are gone but it won’t hurt. What about us? Do I go over his head and tell them to come any way? My poor MIL is worried about what to do as well. I honestly want to know what other people would do.
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Comments
It makes me wonder what he
It makes me wonder what he isn't tell you. Are they out of control, destructive, or some other thing that might make him not want them there?
There has to be more that I
There has to be more that I don't know. I started watching they boys again during the pandemic to make sure they were doing their school work. When there was no school I continued because he didn't want them home all day with her kids.
Sounds like BIL needs to find
Sounds like BIL needs to find someone who doesn't have kids or someone who disciplines their kids so that they are better behaved. I mean, they have been dating for a year and live together but he won't let her and her kids come to a family cookout? How does that work? What does he tell her? I wonder if he's even talked to her about her kids' behavior?
I would not go over his head and invite the GF and kids. He needs to work this out, leaving them home is not going to work long-term. Surely, he knows that?
I think he has a rude
I think he has a rude awakening. We live right next door! It's not going to work at all excluding them like that. When he said no they can stay home I was just quiet. I thought he was joking. I don't know what he says to her about them. He tells me she can't control them
Could be that he is
Could be that he is evaluating whether he wants to remain in this relationship and doesn't want folks to become more attached to the kids or his FW. Or, as others mentioned, he knows better how the kids act and doesn't want them to ruin family outings. Or he sees his FW as trying to dig her claws in and get attached in unhealthy ways.
Don't go over his head. He has set a boundary for a reason. Respect that.
That's a great point. Maybe
That's a great point. Maybe he doesn't see a future with her.
Girlfriend post.
Girlfriend post. I've been with this guy over a year and we have moved in together - me, him, my kids, his kids. Things are pretty good when his kids are here (well except for the fact that we have different behavior standards for our kids). But, when his kids are gone, he'd like mine gone too. Then there is his family issue. Not really his family as they seem welcoming, but the fact that he doesn't want to bring me or my kids to any of his family events, even those that are kid friendly.
If I read this, I'd tell the girlfriend that she needs to sit down with him and talk, maybe couples counseling. The relationship will fail if it continues down this path. It is failing now.
I have the same advice to him. Sit down and talk. Try couples counseling. Or it's time to move on. What you, both of you, are doing isn't working. Changes need to be made or someone needs to move out.
Our newest member
BlL's girlfriend will be our newest member.
Or BIL cuz he is sick of
Or BIL cuz he is sick of feral kids and gf trying to talk him into being "dad"....
I wish I could super like
I wish I could super like your post. This is probably exactly how she sees it. It's making me think more. Now I'm not sure how bad they are at home but the way he's going about it seems extreme. My husband plans on talking to him because now the fam doesn't know how to act towards them.
If the kids don't have a mom
If the kids don't have a mom where are they going without him that he gets to sleep in? If both sets of kids are going to live together the majority of the time they are going to need to be treated equally. If he can't do that then he's going to have two separate families under one roof which will cause strife. If he doesn't like her kids then they shouldnt move in together.
It's sounds like things aren
It's sounds like things aren't going well at all and he just doesn't want to air his dirty laundry.
I behaved the same way he did excluding SKs from all my family and friends events when I was at my wits end with thier behavior and ready to boot them out.