Ugh I can relate to this so much. This is my life. I hate every second living with SS20. Everything he touches he trashes. SSs share a room but that's no longer an option. SS20 was suppose to move in to BMs (her husbands) house when they move out of state.. of course she couldn't even do us that favor and move! Her house out of state is taking longer to remodel. They have had it a year now already.

SO is currently building a room for SS20 in the basement. I've been fighting heavily with SO about how it's not going to change his house habits! The kid is f'n gross and I live on higher tier of cleanliness then all of them TBH. 

I just want him gone. SO gives none of them "chores." SD was doing the dishes 3xs a week before she started working. She doesn't make messes though. The boys do.

I've been telling SO I'm not cleaning up after adults anymore he HAS to fix, do it himself or basically I'm out. 

Messy skids...ugh... who do they think are going to want to clean up after them? 

If they no longer live with a parental figure who puts up with it and cleans up after them, then what?

Roomates and boyfriends/girlfriends will not want to be their mommies. They will get sick and tired of cleaning up after them. The only possible option is if they find someone to live with who is as gross and disgusting as they are.

Little Idiot's refusal to clean/cook/do anything around the apartment probably was a contributing factor to why Goofy left her. I saw how lazy she was when she lived with us. Another reason I wanted her out. Now she's in an apartment by herself with a dog and a cat. I can only imagine how gross it is now that the butler flew the coop.

My niece has cerebral palsy and has lived in a group home all her adult life, she has a job and pays rent. The community provides light supervision. Maybe there is a program near you. 

Your SO should be parenting his DS..  talking, arguing.....isn't doing anything..   He must help his DS clean up. And live like a person. Even if that means he spends a few hours the first few nights helping DS clean. Put stuff away. Wash dishes..garbage.   Hopefully after a few weeks DS get it. And starts doing it by himself.

My thoughts are that if he has managed to get through that program.. and he is meeting job requirements.. that he is capable enough to live on his own in some fashion.  He may have autism.. but not everyone with autism is destined to live in their parent's basement... I knew a horse trainer.. had autism.. yet was married.. ran her own business... yes she had challenges at times.. and her business ran a bit differently due to her differences.. but she was an independent adult.  

If your SS is capable of getting himself to work.. to completing a full week.. he is making enough money to find a place to live.. and maybe he needs some help with that?  he may not know how to go about it.. I don't know if a group home would or could be an option.. or whether he would be capable of just being a roomate.. yes his hygiene will be hard for some.. but he also will likely find others who are similarly lazy..

sorry san diego is off the table.. that sounded like a good option.

Might I suggest, as a coping mechanism, for the time being, that you hire someone to clean his space once a week or every two weeks?

Does he respond to rules? My DS27 who is Autistic, does really well with rules and penalties.

Hire someone to clean, charge him for it, and when the cleaner finds food items, he should be fined PER ITEM found.

You might not have to do this forever. He's earning enough to pay for the cleaning services.

I've worked with kids with autism for over 20 year. A key feature of autism is impaired executive functioning skills, meaning that they can find it very difficult to plan, organize, and initiate tasks. I've seen many adults overwhelmed with frustration when their child/student doesn't do simple things despite being able to do more complicated things. It looks like laziness and/or defiance, but often it isn't. If you haven't tried this yet, give him a weekly schedule with very specific task instructions. Start with one task - it sounds like washing and changing his sheets would be a good start. List the steps: 1. Take sheets off bed; 2. Put sheets in washing machine; etc. I know it sounds unlikely but, more often than not, when I ask parents/teachers to humor me and try it, they're amazed at the outcome. 

At one of my rental units has them now.  Chef is infuriated since he has never dealt with roaches before in his life.  They seem like a nice family in between house purchases.  They kept large bags of opened sugar hanging around and I noticed immediately a fruit fly infestation when they left.  They were only there for 2 months and my new tenants that moved in on the 1st immediately noticed the roaches.

Grrrr!  Check out this website:  domyown.com

Along time ago, I had neighbors that were disgusting. They caused roaches in my place and with two other neighbors. One neighbor suggested this (see the link below) and it worked. I kept the kitchen counter top and around the sink dry because roaches like water. I applied the gel around the sink area. They are supposed to eat it and bring it back to the nest.*bad* It worked. I can't remember how long, but I was happy.

https://www.amazon.com/Combat-Killing-Indoor-Outdoor-Syringe/dp/B000QRAX...

ain my decades of experience leading organizations of highly skilled tradesmen, including welders, anyone who can pass an industrial welding certification program and get hired is far beyond capaple of keeping their personal space clean, following rules, etc.... Special needs or not.

The problem may be.... SS needs structure provided by someone other than daddy and SM.

Rekey the locks and get him out now. His hourly rate  while in training equates to $56,160.00/Yr plus shift diff and O/T.  It will go up when he finishes his training.  Even now he earns far more than enough to provide his own place, feed himself, and dodge his own cockroaches and horder garbage piles in his own place.

I would investigate a group home for him where his daily living conditions are supervised by trained group home advisors.

I would also get his finances set up so his pay direct deposits to a managed account controlled and invested by an investment advisor who has his bills paid, and provides SS with an allowance. 

This is what we facilitated for my MIL.  She is not special needs but she has proven herself during her entire life that she is incapable of understanding and managing money, bills, etc....  With this model she has gone from the constant edge of abject poverty, car repossession, home foreclosure, shut off utilities, etc... to financial stability.     

We offered this to my ILs years before my FIL passed.  Their MBA/CPA daughter and MBA SIL mapped it out, structured it, and their CPA daughter would manage it for them. Nope. They refused.  The key was finding a licensed investment advisor who also would manage bills, etc... for clients.  Once we found the right fit, MIL agreed. Her quality of life is better than it has ever been.  No drama, home, food, bill security, and.... no ability to blow everything she earns at casinos.   She will never be able to retire, but... her part time State job is more than she has ever earned and for the first time ever, she has notable investments working for her instead of chasing winning a retirement at the casinos.

Take away your home from the pig SS, get him out and on his own, and give him the map for success by engaging a group home and an investment/financial manager for him.  As a certified industrial welder he will earn consistently well into the 6figures when he gets exotic metal welding certs (Hastalloy, Inconel, Carpenter 20, etc..) on top of his current certification.  While only working 40hr weeks. Unless he wants the O/T. Then.. he could potentially get to the $200K income levels as long he is young enough to work crazy hours.

Good luck.