Meeting an old friend for lunch
Hey ladies, I am meeting an old friend for lunch to talk about what he has been going through with his ex. I wanted to throw out some bullet points and see if you have any advice you would offer him. DH said he is likely F'ed because Virginia and they weren't married but I don't think so... let me know what you think if you have a few minutes!
- They were together for 5 years, 2 kids (18mo and 3yrs old). Engaged but never married.
-She has 2 kids from a previous relationship. Her oldest was seeing a therapist that she wound up having an affair with. They are moving in together at the end of the month.They were both (therapist and BM) sleeping with other people up until 2 months ago when they became exclusive and BM lost custody of her son (the therapist's patient). My friend and BM have been apart for about 8 months now.
- She is an alcoholic and smokes weed (weed is illegal in VA). My friend has pictures and videos of her being passed out drunk. That was how he found out about the affair- she left her phone in her hand and he read all the messages. She drinks and smokes cigarettes and weed in front of the children and they often reek of it when he picks them up.
- She is a hair dresser so she makes most of her $$ in tips. He is a grocery store manager so his is all on the books.
- She filed first. He does have an attorney and was planning on filing within days of when he was served :( - She wants full custody and CS. He is asking for 50/50 because he feels that is realistic to start and then go for full later.
- He has proof that she was sleeping with a number of men and women with the kids in the house. Her oldest told my friend about all the people in and out of the house and how he could hear mommy having sex and then coming out of the room joking about it.
- He is a good guy. Never gotten in any trouble, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, he is so sweet and kind. My parents always loved him as my friend and a "good influence" when we were in middle and high school.
- He wanted to be civil and try to work things out without a bunch of drama but she has started trash talking him to the kids and withholding the kids.
I told him that he needs to go full force - lay out everything he knows and has proof of. Demand drug testing and go for full custody. Work back to 50/50 but start full. What would you ladies recommend if you could go back to the beginning? What do you wish your DH/SO had done differently? DH was married to both BM's and I was married to my kids dad so there was a different set of expectations from the court. DH got full custody of OSS but he fought hard because BM1 was such a bi-polar train wreck. He didn't understand what BM2 was doing until it was too late. I wasn't crazy and always did a fair parenting schedule with my ex.