Kind of proud of myself!
Last night SS15 asked if he could stay the night over at one of his old friends from when he lived here's house today. DH has one of his 24 hr shifts starting this morning, so he wasn't against it since he won't be home anyway and it gives me the night off. I just asked SS to give me the mom's address and phone number in case we need to reach him and can't get through.
Well then it comes out that they will be sleeping over at the older sister's apartment. I asked a few more questions- the sister is 21 and has her own place and the mom won't be there. Ooookkk... I text DH while sitting right next to him and say- I think this is a terrible idea and is going to back fire on him. I was the "cool older sister" I know what is going down at that place. DH hmmm's and haws for a few minutes and then asks if SS has talked to BM about it. He said he did and BM was fine. DH decided to verify and BM is in fact fine with it. So we have it in writing.
I texted and said I am against it but I am not the parent.
SS is going. I have the night off. I LET IT GOOOOOO! LET IT GO! lol -- Yep, don't care. Not my kid, not my problem, I am going out with a girlfriend for dinner and a drink or 2. SS20 has already asked if he can have the can of ravioli in the pantry for dinner- Yep, go for it kid! I am off tonight!
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Given all of the issues w/BM, why did DH contact her about this?
Given all of the issues with BM, why did DH contact her about this? Your DH usually seems to handle things in a reasonable fashion, but it seems like a bad idea to involve BM in a parenting decision on DH's time. He gave her control over a situation that was really none of her concern. Like you said, there are so many ways this could go wrong. She can now say that DH couldn't even make this decision without her input.
Good on you for speaking your piece and then backing off. DH can deal with the consequences of this very bad decision.
Yeah, not sure why BM got any
Yeah, not sure why BM got any say in it. That's giving her way too much power.
Enjoy the night off, though.
I honestly didn't even look
I honestly didn't even look at it that way, but you are right.
He was thinking that if she was ok with him staying over then it wouldn't backfire into - "You let him stay over at a 21 yr olds house with a bunch of teenagers! You are a terrible father!" - but it could just as easily go "you can't even make a parenting decision" -- he should have just said no, but I am glad SS was gone.
I had a great dinner with an old friend, an amazing cucumber gin fizz and got to sit on the patio by the ocean for a while- I had a great evening.
Enjoy your night off! And if
Enjoy your night off! And if your phone rings....ignore it.
I find the whole things
I find the whole things strange. SS is in dad's care but BM has to make a decision where SS is going to go for a sleepover. The whole thing is weird and it makes DH look incompetent.
I think the talking to BM was
I think the talking to BM was to confirm SS was telling her the same story. Back when the kids did come over, one of the SD's claimed she needed to go with a friend to xyz place for a school project. It was news to us and it turned out she was fibbing a little to both BM and her dad about how she was going to get there and what she would be doing most of the day. And it came to the surface by DH talking to BM about it. She really did have a school project about the place she was wanting to go to. And I'm not quite sure if she really needed to do the day trip or not because what she wrote was not what she told me she was writing.
They way he worded it was
They way he worded it was more of a confirmation that SS had talked to her and that what SS told us was correct. So maybe it won't come back for parenting issues- more of a co-parenting communication. Hopefully our lawyer can spin it that way at least if something was to come of it.
It is crazy to me that things have to be this hard. Me and my ex aren't together but there are times as a mother where I am not sure what the right answer is. I talk to DH and then I talk to my ex and his wife. If it is a big decision, and to me something like a sleepover like this is one, I do want to make sure that their father is ok with it. I don't know why BM has to make things hard. It is exhausting!
I came here to read the back
I came here to read the back story to ss getting drunk at the sleep over.
As a parent of teen boys and girls, one time or another with minors still at home.
"my son who is 15 does NOT sleep over at other dudes house". Direct quote from my dh. I will never forget him saying that....