You are here

Post Marital Relationships

just.his.wife's picture

I got divorced 14 years ago. Initially my xh and I could not talk, email or even write a letter to each other without whatever the subject matter was dissolving into a mud slinging contest of how-you-done-me-wrong-you-asshole/bitch. And yes, I was just as much to blame as he was.

Once our kids got a little older, and he and I both caught onto their COD games of manipulation and deflection- life calmed down a lot. And our ability to communicate effectively for the sake of our children became far more effective.

I am by no means "friends" with my kids step mother, we have no reason to be friends but we have a cordial enough relationship these days. I thought she comprehended over the last 14 years that I am not a money grubbing, gold digging, stereotypical BM. Apparently I was wrong.

About a YEAR ago my xh realized that the state of FL pulled way too much money out of his checks for child support. To give you an idea of how much too much: I signed off on cs (stated he owed me nothing) in 2003. Apparently they continued pulling money out of his check until my son turned 18 (2010).

You read that right for seven years my dumb ass ex husband never checked his check stubs to ensure the garnishment was cancelled. $400 a month x 12 x 7= $33,600.00. Yes, my xh is known for his stupidity and lack of attention to detail... can you tell? But I digress.

These CS payments did not go to ME, because I turned in the court paperwork stating he owed nothing. He did not give to his HR department the signed paperwork to stop the payments, so payroll kept sending the payments to DOR State of Florida, who apparently was sticking the money into an account, that was in my name but not paying it to me, clear as mud?

XH and the state work on getting his money back. Supposedly they are sending him a check for the past 90 days of the money he overpaid. I found out about all of this, today, when I opened my mail and found a check, made out to me by the State of Florida for $35,420.00!!!

WHOO HOOOO Baby!!! Party Time!!
Um wait, this says for child support... for my kids... the adults.
So 2 hours and four phone calls later, I am finally on the phone with my XH, who is pissed the state sent the check to me.

I can hear step mom in the back ground "Tell her to send it back, they have to reissue it to you, TELL HER NOT TO CASH IT!! (Insert XH name here) TELL HER OR SHE WILL KEEP IT!!"

Me: (Insert xh name here) I'll meet you at the bank in an hour if you want... I'll sign the check over to you and its all yours dude.. it's your money.

Just left the bank.
XH and step mom show up. XH is fine, friendly greeting even held the door open for me.
Step mom's facial expression was like someone spiked her ice tea with piss.

I signed the check, cashed it, and had a cashiers check issued to XH for the exact amount (thus having proof I gave the $$ to him). Which he promptly deposited into his account and since it is a cashiers check from his own bank, it went in as cash. No delay money is available immediately.

XH tells me thank you.
I say your welcome.
And I head for my car aiming to head home and enjoy a nice long relaxing bubble bath.
And I hear behind me from SM

"She hasn't changed a bit, she's still such a bitch."

Dear god, life is too short.
Way too short to get pissed off over comments from an idiot.
I know this.
But I still want to drive my car straight through the big ole gap between her front teeth.

Comments

twopines's picture

Gol dang, she's wound just a wee bit tight there! LOL! What must it be like to wake up to that every day...oh dear.

tryingmom's picture

FFS, I would have made them sweat it out for a few days AND then she can call you a BITCH! She obviously doesn't know one when she sees one. I would have turned around and said...."what was that???" She would have flustered and then I'd have to say...."BITCH, enjoy spending that money!" But, I am a bitch. }:)

zerostepdrama's picture

Man you are way too nice! I would have turned around and asked THAT Bitch what you JUST did that warranted her to call you a bitch. Because what you did was super nice.

just.his.wife's picture

Sueu2,

She was in the court room when I signed off on CS stating I did not need it, despite the fact that per our income differences... he should have been paying it and that was at 50/50 custody. When the kids came to live with me full time, I never asked for a dime from him. Not even for school or graduation costs.

She was standing there when I backed my son up against a wall telling him he would be respectful to her because he lived in her house part of the time and if he back talked her I would knock his teeth down his throat. That she supplied a roof over his head and paid for groceries utilities etc just like his dad and I did... and he damn sure would not bite the hand that fed him.

She received birthday presents, mothers day presents and Christmas presents that I took the kids out shopping for, to give to her.

And she talked smack.
The gifts were never reciprocated.
And if XH spent a dime on the kids, spent additional time with them, or god forbid had to speak with me on the phone related to the kids (thats the ONLY time I spoke with him) she gave him and them hell. It seemed like she had chilled out since the kids hit 'adult' age.

Apparently not.

3familiesIn1's picture

Makes you wonder what the XH is telling her about you doesn't it???

I am not buddies with my kids SM either, I stay out of it, however, I have been nothing but pleasant to her, my XH does not pay CS and should, I have dropped that because for what it would take for me to collect isn't worth the money to collect it for me but would likely cause him to lose his house to pay it, I always absorb the kids when XH can't seem to remember to plan personal events on his weekends off, I mean, its difficult, he has the kids every other weekend - its a form of rocket science you know to remember that, I never call, text or email my XH without a direct reason about the kids, and I go in order of email if not urgent, text, and call only at the very last resort if I absolutely have to because despite what she thinks, I really want NOTHING to do with him - which is why I divorced him in the first place.

If my XH is NOT home, I do not drop my kids there. I financially support everything for my kids including school, events, activities, sports, orthodontics, medical copays, not a bill incurred by my kids has ever crossed my XH's threashold since he is a walking financial disaster. I never ask favors, and I only ever forward important events the kids have one single time with the subject line: FYI... I never demand, ask or even inquire if he will attend anything.

So, why exactly does she throw lasers at me?? The answer is simple, she only knows what my XH tells her..... lol

Frankly, I don't blame the SM at all in my case, I just sort of feel sorry for her, she now has a kid with him, and is working 50 hours a week to pay for all his spending while he tries to find ways not to work - THAT IS WHY I DIVORCED HIM TO START WITH... so I just smile and am polite while thinking, oh you poor dear.. if only you really knew...

learningallthetime's picture

Exactly this! I know with my ex, he needs the sympathy vote, so I HAVE to be evil and mean! His GF will react like clockwork to obviously being wound up by him. I really want to respond to some of her crazy accusations with "oh he found the wind up key again huh, how long till you run out of steam?", but just not worth it!

I just chuckle to myself as I do not give a damn what either of them think, and it amuses me to no end that I can send a simple "I will drop BS7 off at 7pm" (per agreement) and know that it sends both of them into a crazy frenzy! I have been known at work to hand my phone to the other nurses and let them just watch the crazy as I receive a ton of texts despite no interaction!

Trust me, some SM's truly earn the title. Like many here post about the jealousy of missing the "firsts", I think some SM's truly do react to this, and also wanting to prove their loyalty as the "new woman" react to complete craziness and crap the ex is saying...even when rationally it makes no sense.

Having been a BM, a SM and now a BM with a SM and ex I truly doubt there are situations where all are blameless. However, in my case the ex played me like a fiddle and I hated the BM and believed she was evil and did all these things, now I watch as ex plays the new GF with exactly the same gameplan...with no clue! I could tell her how it will end, her broke, him calling her "crazy" (that has already started with my BS7 and ex-skids saying she yells and goes nuts...errr that will be living with the ex!)...I remember contacting the BM (Skids mom) and her saying she wished she could have warned me, but I never would have listened, and she is right...now I wish I could warn the GF, but she, like me and those before (and after) will need to learn for herself.

StarStuff's picture

The best revenge is living well. I try to embrace this thought every time our stupid, astoundingly hypocritical BM makes a move. Ugh. I play a game where I'm nice to her and act all caring and concerned, but it's really just that, an ACT. Lol.

That woman is just pissy about something or jealous for some reason. You did the right thing, and were super nice about doing it. I have no idea why she would act that way.