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SD14 x-mas is fit for a 18 year old

JustanotherSM17's picture

So SD14 send her list last night , not that I think she deserves anything but I knew it would be extra . When I say extra I mean full of things that are not age appropriate for her or expensive name brands. I was not disappointed but I was yet again in shock. She is 14 and is asking for SKIMS! lol yes and clothing items that are clearing made for older women and not even teens ( I looked them up) of of course she asked for UGGS because she needs 3 pair ( I assume so brag about) and of course she asked for lululemon clothing because SIL keeps indulging her and getting her $150 zip up jackets so she keeps asking for them. The Sephora gift card is not bad so maybe we will just do that. But Clearly BM is in full support of all this and it's crazy to me, SD is 14 and I swear she looks 18. She wants Dh to treat her like she's 10 still but wants BM and everyone else to treat her like she is 17. I think I'm gonna offer DH some advice on this list or maybe mention to him that SKIMs are not really appropriate for her age but someone needs to tell SD that we are not supporting this and therefor she will get a gift card. Maybe we will just get a Amazon gift card ? Anyways I just thought it was ridiculous lol 

Comments

Lillywy00's picture

I think it's ridiculous too but that's the culture we live in where society is constantly pushing kids to look, dress, and act like adults 

Me ex partners 11 yo had the audacity to ask for some lululemons for her birthday 

I was wh tf would you even entertain this given the fact this kid will ether destroy those pants or lose them within a week. His kids were horrible at taking good care of things. May as well just roll down the window on the interstate and let 100 ones fall out of it. 

JustanotherSM17's picture

Will it's also what is allowed and supported my BM as well. She clearly allows it and supports it because there are ways to tell a child "that's not appropriate for you so you are gonna have to wait" SD has been wanting things that are too old for her for years now . DH has voiced his distaste for all the make up and fake lashes but BM ignores him. I have a niece who is 12 almost 13 and she knows better then to ask for these things , I don't even think she is interested in them because my sister actually parents her . So yea I know kids can be influenced but it's up to the parents to actually parent and not support such extravagant material items . Also it annoys my because of SD behavior, how are you gonna walk around that you are 20 yet want to be treated like you are 10

thinkthrice's picture

look, dress, and act like adults 

But have no responsibilities, chores and permanently infantalized.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I do not see what is wrong with a 14 year old wanting some SKIMS products. I also looked at their website and while there are things there that are clearly for older women, there are also lots of things that would appeal to teens. It is normal for teens to ask for name brand items, it doesn't mean anyone has to buy them. I know there are lots of issues with your SD, but this seems like a pretty normal teen "want" list.

JustanotherSM17's picture

I asked 4 moms with daughters around the same age as SD to see if it was a appropriate ask and that all said HELL NO , Not made for a 14 year old at all... sorry they said it would be appropriate for a older teen like 17 and up

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I had to look uo what a SKIM is. To me the main prob is the cost. I wouldn't buy $120 pajamas. Although, if that's the usual amt he spends for Christmas, i could see getting something "nice". But she would have to realize that you get fewer expensive things or more reasonable things. I will use Christmas to get my kid (just one, the other kid hates labels lol) a pair of nicer shoes than i would usually buy. My niece is 12 and cons my dad into buying her lululemon stuff regularly. I just roll my eyes. ETA if she's asking for "sexy" lingerie, that's a nope at her age!

JustanotherSM17's picture

DH is not okay with her dressing older then her age, so he would not be ok with spend $120 on a body shaper for  a 14 year old girl. He does not like the materialistic way SD and BM are because he is not that way at all. I will not raise her support my daughters in this way has well. His family is the one that entertains her lululemon thing, well it's only SIL that support this . So for us it's 2 issues, not appropriate for her age and the cost . DH limit on each kids is $100 ( we have 3 kids together)

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Yeah, if she wants a body shaper her mom can get it if she is ok with her wearing it. To me, that's not something you ask Dad for. I was thinking like if she wants, like, flannel or fuzzy long sleeve/long pants pajamas from skims, that might be ok but she woukd have to consider the cost.

JustanotherSM17's picture

What is on her list is the body shaper which I feel at the age of 14 is not really appropriate, she already wears really really small clothing . The pjs or whatever would have been ok with me if the price was right . I think you are right , leave the body shaper to her mom who clearly lets her wear whatever she wants 

PetSpoiler's picture

My daughter is 17 and has never asked for SKIMs.  Or Lululemon.  Or anything meant for grown women.  If she wanted expensive name brands at this point I'd tell her to keep applying for jobs until she was hired somewhere, and buy it herself. 

JustanotherSM17's picture

You have raised her right!!!!! I never asked for some of the crazy items SD has asked for and get, $128 for a thin zip up jacket?!!?!? 

Rags's picture

WTF is SKIMS?  I am married to a queen of the fashionista-glamazons and I have never heard of this SKIMS.

Though I get the drive for trendy name brand clothing in teens.  I was a preppy Polo, LACOSTE, top siders guy in my late-mid teens on.  I still gravitate to mid to high brands quality clothing. It is the best value for the dollar.  I have shirts that I have had for decades that are still nearly pristine. I also have some that are worn so thin that they are silk-like in softness. I wear those on weekends with jeans and boots.  A bit worn, classic, and comfy.

A classic  quality brand piece that is $150 and lasts for a decade+ of regular wear is a far better choice than a trendy brand of the moment that does not hold up well to wear, laundering, or cyclical fashion shifts.  Classic, is classic. Always is and always will be.  Generally speaking.

When we started our relationship my DW was interested in trendy brands. Some worked great for her very tall, curvy physique. Most did not.  I started suggesting classic fitted designs for her fairly early in our relationship.  It took awhile but eventually she landed on what works for her.  She would grouse at me that "I am not in my 30s, I am barely in my 20s!". Nearly everything I liked and recommended she would get countless complements on.  It wrinkled her brow, but.... she wore it because of how amazing it is on her.  I still get to provide fashion stylist advice..... occassionally.

That the stuff I like gets a ton of compliments when she wears it is still the case, but.... she picks beautiful classic stuff these days.  She does occassionally add new quality designers to her repertoire that have a distinct edge that they bring to classic stuff.

She is a "girl" so she tends to test ruching, ruffles, etc.... Nope.  Though In her mind this covers and hides her broad shoulders, hips, intermittently present tummy, and breasts (reality is... she has "hooters", not massive, but undoubtedly present).  She is 5'10"+ and currently size 10+/- depending on brand and type of clothing. Some stuff is an 8, some stuff is a 12.  I am sure that most women experience the crapshoot of sizing depending on jeans, slacks, dresses, skirts, tops, etc.... 

I am a man.  I have worn the same brand/model of jeans since I was 16, though of various sizes.  When I transition between sizes it is only in the waist. My length stays the same. Though in slacks I wear a 2" shorter inseam than in jeans.  I also tend to wear the same brand of slacks that I have worn for a couple of decades though ... it seems to be likely discontinued. Fortunately, I have a shopper bride and have a decent supply of various, sizes, shades and cloth styles of my favorite brand.

As a man, I go in, get what I went to the store for, and I leave. I do not meander around trying stuff on, touching it, putting it back, picking it up again, putting it back, buying something else, then going home and harping on the thing that I did not buy, the going back and getting it when (I) say. "just go get it!!!".  Then maybe, it is still at the store then comes to live in our home.

Unknw

If I need a pair of slacks, or a suit/sport jacket, dress socks, a fresh belt, etc... It is quick, in, out, and done.  I generally buy off of the rack but some stuff needs tailoring to fit right.  When I get a new style of shoe, etc.... it is DW that gets it for me.  Hense, why I am currently sporting 

Even underwear, I wear the same thing... for decades.  So much so that my DW buys me underwear. I would not buy my DW clothing... ever.  I value my life too much to screw up sizes, brands, designs, etc....  Yes, I was that "mom buys underwear for Christmas every year guy".  JC Penney Tidy Whities....

Dash 1

Then I found boxer briefs and my life improved exponentially.  DW demanded "colors" and now... once again I do not get to buy my own skivvies. 

Unknw

Though I only wear one brand and model..... Duluth Trading Company boxer briefs, the long ones. I know, TMI.

I recall how excited DW was when she bought the first set of matching bra/panties she ever owned.  My mom took her shopping before we married.  My ILs were borderline poverty earners so clothes were usually off of the seconds rack. DW had to be very diligent in her shopping as a preteen and teen to get the looks she was after.  On that shopping trip my future DW got her first matching lingerie, her first notable quality skin care/make up, and some beautiful clothing.  

She is a brilliant, hard working, educated, successful professional. She makes me so much better than I am otherwise.  I am proud that we can provide a nice life together and that she can sow a bit of her fashion diva tendencies upon occassion. Though I am usually the one that goes over the top when I shop for her special occassions gifts. Which then relases the shopping Kraken for a bit.

My bad.  Though I never admit it. I blame my mom and that first matching lingerie, skin care shopping trip.

Blush

Update:  I read my DW this entire thread. She has heard of SKIMs and offered that SKIMs tends to offer control wear undergarments so the SD-14 may be a bit fluffy and have reason to ask for this stuff.

But yet again, I digress.

Unknw

Ugh. I need a job!

JustanotherSM17's picture

Yea I get wanting something for the quality but SD wants it only for the name . She treats her clothes like crap and leaves them places . She has no idea the worth of money only that it's trending and expensive. Also SD 14 is not fluffy meaning she doesn't need a control undergarment she wants it because she wants she show her curves more or look like KimK . She wears super short crop tops and tiny crop tank tops and tiny shorts 

Rags's picture

Lol.  My first pair of Nikes was not long after they became an it brand.  I was in Jr. HS.  This was when my dad was a mid level gov't Engineer so family budgets were firm.  I found a pair of butt fugly way too big Nikes on a clearance table and .... I wore them for a couple of years.  They were truly hideous.  Baby crap yellow, suede, wierd crepe-ish rubber wrap around soles. I looked like I had clown feet.  But hey, they were Nike!!!!!  I was way cool. At least in my own mind.

Pardon

I can't even find a pair on stinky ratty collector Nike sites. If I still had them, I could probably retire.  They would have to be worth $Millions... of course.

Too bad for SD that BM wants her daughter to look like plastic trash. Not that KimK isn't a stunning beauty.  But... with enough money anyone can buy that with implants, tucks, nips, etc....

JustanotherSM17's picture

Yea I have never really been a materialistic person well my whole family isn't really that way. I had a BF who would buy me nothing but coach purses all the time and I remember being like why? I never asked for them so I dunno . I did like vans and those can be costly sometimes I guess . But yea Kim K is not at all a real concept of what a natural body looks like, you are right . But she is also 40 something years old so if she wants to wear SKIMs as clothes so be it lol 

ESMOD's picture

From what I'm seeing on tiktok.. this is actually fairly normal...lol.  I also think it's not that unusual for some kids to not have a real concept of value of a dolllar...esp at 14 when she likely hasn't ever had a job.

At that age.. my OSD was very brand conscious.. and always needed to buy the EXACT item in vogue.. the powder blue north face on sale for 50?  NO  It MUST be the BLACK that is full price over a hundred.. MUST be the exact style and color of sperry bluefish shoes (for a girl wearing size 10's.. not an easy feat to track those down).  She would rather it be the wrong size.. than the wrong thing (now she is 30.. and her materialistic ways have been part of her downfall).

I remember we went to a sporting goods store to get that sainted north face.. and her grandparents were there.. and we were there.. we told her that we wouldn't be buying it.. but she had her christmas money.. so she could get it.  

she spent 30 minutes or more.. fingering the jacket.. stroking the fleece.. trying it on.. twirling.. and stealing glances to dad and grandparents.. hoping someone would pony up and just buy it.  When it came down to her spending her own money?  NOPE.. not worth it.  but you bet she would have taken it if we had offered to pay.

Since her "wants" are getting high end.. what I would suggest is one of two things.. .. after your budget is set.. give it to her and have her give you an item in that price range to buy.. OR.. just gift her the cash.. maybe a small stocking stuffer to open up..otherwise.. 

She wants what she sees girls she idolizes showing off on social media.. on TV.. maybe influenced by peers.. older girls at school or her mom.. but asking and getting are two diff things.  

i wouldn't be overly concerned with the initial pie in the sky list.. her dad needs to go back and either get more realistic items.. or just give her the money to spend as she wishes.

 

JustanotherSM17's picture

I have to disagree based off other girls I know her age . I m sure a lot are influenced by what they watch and see BUT as it falls on the parents to point out what is appropriate and what is not. Also is she doesn't grasp the idea of money at 14 that's very very sad. We have been teaching BS12 the value of money since he was 10. SD knows the value of money she just doesn't care because she knows somehow she will get it. She commented that she knew the uggs were expensive but she wanted them ( she has 2 pair already) the excuses made for her is why she is where she is. Her body image is not healthy if she thinks she needs spanx at the age of 14, she is not fluffy as another poster said. She will be getting a Amazon gift card because those types of materialists ideals is not something DH supports 

ESMOD's picture

I have just literally watched 5 tik toks on this theme.. it's common... not saying it's "right"..

I would say that at 14.. her dad has probably not had a lot of influence on her "wants".. and he perhaps also hasn't done the work on teaching her the value of a dollar.. but better late than never.. he should probably talk to her about her list.. and explain why he thinks certain things are not appropriate for her age.. or are not appropriate for his budget.

But.. this is not uncommon.. some kids are more materialistic.. and personally, I often see it as kids who are insecure and lean on these brand name and trendy things.. to craft their personalities.. and to make them feel as though they fit in.

MY OSD had to have trendy things.. because she was super insecure.. 

My YSD was more into experiences and they didn't have to be super expensive.. she likes nice things.. but is more balanced.. but she also doesn't feel like she has to have certain items... both raised by same parents.. just different people.

Rags's picture

Oh yes. The lists.

My IL clan are gift list people.  Nothing extravigant.  Until we get my SIL's list. The one we get every year is a copy of the same list she and her family give to the rest of the clan, with hand written items at the top of the list  she gives us.

Pay off our house.

A new car.

A new tattoo.

etc....

My DW's sister is a thieving POS. We are the only part of the family that she has not gotten a shit ton of money out of.  We are also the only ones who get her written in stupid shit on the list for her family.  Nope. Even if we had stupid amounts of money to waste, it would not be spent on her. DW hides her purse or keeps it on her shoulder any time we are with SIL.  

advice.only2's picture

Spawn was very brand conscious for clothing so her Christmas wish list always consisted of name brand items that were popular at that time.  My BS is into computers and building things so his Christmas wish list has always been equipment heavy, usually more expensive than brand named clothes honestly.  My BD is very in to limited edition dolls or collectibles, again sometimes more expensive than brand name clothing items.  Really a Christmas wish list is just that, what they wish for.  Your SD14 is very obviously into fashion and all the items that entails, but it sounds like you have decided that a Sephora gift card is the best way to go.   

JustanotherSM17's picture

These items are things she always asks for ( birthday, start of school) also . I could maybe understand if it was only x mas but it's not.

 

Harry's picture

But these kids go to school.  What are the the other kids wearing.?  I bet not Walmart clothes.  Name brand is a big thing.  The cost more means you are not poor I quest 

JustanotherSM17's picture

I know she goes to school in a

very very small town so I doubt they are wearing SKIMs and all that lol I don't even think her dress code is allowed at school 

JustanotherSM17's picture

I know she goes to school in a

very very small town so I doubt they are wearing SKIMs and all that lol I don't even think her dress code is allowed at school . I think this just falls back on parenting because as I said previously I asked my girlfriends who have daughters her age and they say it's inappropriate and their daughters aren't really asking for those items except the uggs. Which the Ugg's aren't bad, I mean she does have 2 pair while my friends daughters are putting Ugg's on thier list as their "big gift" SD has several "big cost gifts " so I can see the parenting difference is like. Night and day. BM has boasted for years as being the "cool mom" she is very immature and very materialistic. 

Winterglow's picture

FWIW, one of my daughters was very brand oriented at that age. She satisfied her yearnings by saving all her money to buy the occasional brand item second hand. She would then sell it when she wanted something else so she could buy that. I have to say that I was most impressed by the way she handled her wants. She's now 21 and there are fewer expensive things on her wishlist. 

Smile

She managed to live within her limits. 

AndAmom2023's picture

I've found the happy medium is figuring out what's trending and what has a great dupe(knock off).