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Christmas Lists - asking for money/gift cards

PrincessFiona's picture

When did it become good manners to ask people for money and/or gift cards?????

Both my neice and nephew (both very spoiled and I'm sure the kind of skids we all complain about) and SD made chrsitmas lists asking for gift cards to specific stores or cash to shop for clothes.

I am embarassed for them. IT's RUDE ! Totally bad manners. Andddddd..... NO ONE SAID A THING !

My sister just laughted about her kids list. And I know she was raised better than that - we were raised by the same parents, in the same house, during the same time !!!! And these lists were given to my mother who didn't say anything either. This is not the same woman who raised me !

DH didn't make any comments about his kids list. I think he gets it but is in denial. And has no idea how to change anything now.

I guess it really is not these kids fault that they act the way they do. No one corrects them and points out how selfish and greedy they sound asking for money. It's probably a normal inclination to ask for things you'd really rather have (money/gift cards to specific stores). So when no one (your parents) stops you, I suppose you learn that is acceptable.

Our society is failing these kids !

Comments

Lalena75's picture

Well I ask for gift cards not money but gift cards for specific stores like Amazon, I need some new gear for my career and size and fit the types of things I need have to fit and no one ever gets my size right. I see nothing wrong with gift cards but do agree asking for money is kinda rude. Heck better than standing in line to return things or have a Skid hate what they got because it doesn't fit, isn't at all their style ir something they'd even want.

supermom5's picture

In my opinion, it's rude. I think if they were given a choice ex "clothes from so and so or a gift card from so and so" then I can see a gift card not being a bad idea. I have one kid (SD) out of all five that is always hitting up the grandpa for money when she see hims..and I think its rude, selfish, and inappropriate behavior! Of course she gets it. Do the other kids get anything from grandpa NOPE!!! So when it comes to asking for money from the kids, (holidays, bdays, etc. NOT something small like pizza day at school kinda thing!) I cringe at the thought! I don't agree with it!

PrincessFiona's picture

That's how I feel. I don't mind buying people gift cards or giving cash sometimes as a gift. It really is sometimes the smart gift to give. I actually plan to give SD what she wants - a gift card and/or cash since she has EVERYTHING and can't come up with anything she wants for christmas. But to make make a list or ask for cash(and I see gift cards as a thinly veiled request for cash) just seems rude.

If you are given a choice then it's not. They are asking you to make a specific choice.

There are certainly ways to indicate that you'd rather shop for certain items for yourself. If that results in cash or gift cards then good for you but you shouldn't ask. 'I'd really like this thing but I'm at a tough size so I wouldnt' ask anyone to try to buy it for me' that's honest. Or 'there are some specific hobby things I want but I'm pretty particular and would rather buy them myself'.

hereiam's picture

We gave SD21 & her husband gift cards last year but this year my husband wants to give them an actual gift so he asked SD for ideas on what they need for their new place they will be moving into. She said a microwave. I also asked her her decorating scheme so we would have options and she wouldn't think we were automatically going to get them a microwave.

Five minutes later she called back and said, "We want a BLACK microwave."

She knows we go Black Friday shopping so she called Friday and says, "Well, did you buy us a microwave?"

We did, a very nice one and it is black, but I want to take it back. My husband says no but he will let her know how rude she is. Yeah, right.

I don't have a problem with gift cards, I do have a problem with the rudeness and entitlement.

Now she says she needs a new dinette set. My husband told her to watch for sales and check thrift stores. Blum 3

DeeDeeTX's picture

I agree, I find it disappointing to get gift cards as well. But I think the issue is the gift is not about me. If I am truly giving it with a loving heart, I will keep what the recipient wants in mind--regardless of if getting it is a delight to me.

If the gift is for someone I like and respect, of course I will get them what they want (even if its a gift card) because it is about what will make them happy--not me.

If its someone I don't particularly like, or doesnt like me, i find its a relief. That way I don't have to think about what they want, or surprising them, or whatever.

DeeDeeTX's picture

I don't think it's rude if you ASK someone for what they want. I think it's very hard for an adult to go shopping and get a teenage girl clothes she likes and fit her. Therefore, the gift card is the best choice if the girl truly needs (or wants) the clothes.

I do think you have every right NOTto get gift cards if it makes you uncomfortable, but I don't think it's necessarily rude to ask.

StickAFork's picture

I know my parents asked for Christmas lists from my kids. On them were gift cards. I don't think that's rude. I think my parents want to get them stuff they'll like.

Now, I hate the gift cards because that means that *I* get to take them shopping, and I HATE shopping!!

Disneyfan's picture

This doesn't bother me at all.

Depending on the age, gift cards are a great choice. A few days ago I had my nephew 15 and niece13 give me a list of their favorite stores and restaurants. For Christmas I'm giving them both a wallet full of gifts cards tothe places they listed plus Dave and Buster's and a movie theater.

PrincessFiona's picture

I guess this is just a good example of our society 'normalizing' what would have in the past been considered bad manners. It feels to me like enabling the sense of entitlement these kids already have.

And I can admit that I am becoming quite a GRINCH in my old age. I am starting to be annoyed by Christmas in general. I hate the commercial, buy buy buy attitude. I LOVE the traditions and family part but it's becomeing less about that and more about gifts.

I agree much more with StepAside, I think people forget that gifts also have value to the giver. A gift is just that a GIFT, there should be no expectation to even get it, let alone make sure it's what you want.

And I am guilty of playing along due to the fact that I can not ignore the good logic of buying something they will actually use instead of wasting money on things they don't want.

I saw a good recipe on Pinterest (there's an addiction for me) for Grinch punch. I better make myself some !

PrincessFiona's picture

Exactly ! And I'm sure if gave them some pleasure to have something they gave you be appreciated. As horribly as my SD acts toward me all year long, she has given me small gifts the last few years for christmas and they have been quite thoughtful. She made an effort to pick out something she thought I would like. So even she understands the spirit of gift giving.

tweetybird74's picture

I don't think them asking for what they want is "normalizing" bad behaviour at all. They asked for what they wanted. Gift cards are great, people can chose what they want, what fits them etc and you don't waste your time and money buying something that will just get stuck in a closet never to be seen again. We ask our kids to make a list then we get upset because they wrote what they actually want on it? My SS wrote us a list (as did myself and DH and his father and step mom) All of our lists had probably 20+ items on them including gift cards. Now no one expects to get all the things on the list, we put so many items so people have things to choose from. My SS put mostly gift cards, he is 18 and has a job so he tends to buy himself the things he wants and needs and knows that his dad and I likely would not buy for him like $120 Guess jeans.

Willow2010's picture

Wait…I thought we were talking about an adult asking for a list of what the kid wants for Christmas and the kid puts down gift cards or cash and that is what has the OP in a snit.

Is this correct? If that is the case...I still see nothing wrong with them asking for gift cards or cash.

PrincessFiona's picture

These were actually unprompted christimas lists made by the kids. However, it is rather expected that they will do it since every Thanksgiving after we eat we sit around the table and turn the conversation to Christmas and start asking the kids what they might want.

I guess I am more 'old-school' on manners. I was raised that the only real answer to what would you like for a christmas is...'you don't have to buy me anything but I would be thrilled with anything you choose'.

But I appreciate the lists the kids make. It's good to know what they are hoping for.

I will stick to my belief that cash and gift cards have no place on that list. I goes without saying that everyone can use cash and find something to spend a gift card on. Better to say you just don't know.

hismineandours's picture

My own children have specified cash or gift cards when asked what they want for xmas or birthdays. However, they also usually include some actual items as well. Im ok with that-I plan to get some of them some gift cards (itunes, amazon)-I dont give cash to anyone for christmas. I like shopping and gifting people with things that I choose carefully for them based on our relationship and their interests.

If I had to give a gift to someone I dont know well or like perhaps Id give cash.

I do not think it is ever appropriate to volunteer what you want-be it cash, gift cards, or items. You should be asked first and only then is it ok to respond.

ecgirl's picture

We actually asked for gift cards this year, to places like Walmart and Canadian Tire because money is tight and we thought that that way when we need something we can use the gift cards to get it. I also lean towards this for two other reasons: one being we live far from our family and if we aren't getting together for Christmas it saves on shipping costs, and two: last year I got blasted by my MIL because I had mentioned in September that I wanted to get a ricecooker (I was not fishing for a Christmas gift, she was at my house two days after my old one crapped out) and I went out and bought one, well, she had gone home and bought us one for Christmas. This way there is no more 'well you shouldn't be shopping this close to Christmas' BS.