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I left. mixture of emotions. failure. relief. pain. scared. i didn't get aw

jstorie's picture


I tried to talk to dh about money. where was the money. he kept avoiding it laying in bed. I said "Dammit I'M NOT HAPPY!" he jumped out of bed started screaming and broke my door. I told him that's it I want a divorce. he started following me around the house. yelling. I told him stop being an asshole. so he turned to our 7 year old." who picked this fight. mom did she wants a divorce huh?" I started pulling Dh arm and told him to leave he was out of control he picked me up and put me outside. locked me out. I got back in with my key. he got up with his chest to mine and was screaming at me I told him leave again. he shuved me into one wall. when I got up and yelled stop he yelled stop (my name) shuved me into pictures knocking me down. he shuved me one more time into a shelf and then force me on the couch. held my hands and used them to hit him. over and over he called the kids in there to watch. I couldn't get away. I yelled for sd16 to help... she was screaming daddy stop. finally he did. he took a step towards her I stepped in front of her pointing behind my back to the back door. then Dh picked me up and put me outside again. Then he realized the kids were going out the back door. and sprinted there. I got there first but couldn't get it locked in time. he pushed me against the dryer. the sd16 and bio son 4 ran to neighbors. but bs7 kept crying both of you stop.
The cops got there. made him leave. I went to the ER for my jaw. and my pastor bought us one night in the hotel. next day I went to project safe.
I finally went to my parents. They loaned me money and I found a place to live. DH is being very weird. he loaded stuff. asks me if I need anything. being great to the kids. now im not sure if the EPO was the right call. when he gets it that might all crash everything. I don't know which way to go.

I took sd16 back to him next day. then she ran away the next day for the 7th time. now she keeps calling me asking me to let her live with me. I keep saying no. after all shes done to me. why the hell would I do that. her dad is safe. but what made him snap on me?

I was so bruised. Im so hurt. I don't know which way is up which way is down.
I just put all the bills into his name.
so I can pay my own but he won't be able to afford it. he doesn't get paid enough.

He asked what he had to do to get me back. I told him hes 40 years old and I doubt he will ever change. He is fine with being this broke. I want more to life than always struggling with money because he has no ambition to get better. I lived in filth. I can't do that again.

He says he will take his test for aviation and get a good job at the base here. but I don't know I feel.... let down.


SM12's picture

Physical abuse is a DEAL BREAKER!! No way should you and your child go back into that because "HE IS SORRY"
You got out...stay out. The next time it could be worse. And to actually call the children into the room to watch him?? That is just sick.
Seriously get out and stay out.

Icansorelate's picture

Physical abuse is absolutely a deal breaker. Of course he is sorry. That is part of the cycle of abuse. There is NOTHING he can do to change the fact he put his hands on you and hurt you- AND he scarred those children for life by forcing them to witness the abuse. No matter what- cut contact with him and stay away from him. The most dangerous time is when/shortly after you leave.

I am so sorry this happened to you. You are strong- you will get through this and you will go on to live the peaceful and prosperous life you deserve.

uofarkchick's picture

Listen to the Fruity One. He has crossed the line and it will be that much easier the next time to go straight to hitting. There are so many women here who can testify to this.

uofarkchick's picture

Oh honey... I am so sorry. You did the right thing. He has no right to hurt you. Even if you yelled at him, he had no right to put his hands on you. I'm glad your parents were able to help you. He is going to lay on the charm and promise the moon but once he has crossed the line to hitting and shoving, there is no going back. Cooperate with the state and press charges. Get a protection order put in place. Since he abused you in front of the children, they should be covered under a civil protection order. Please don't hesitate to get this done. It will protect your assets and give you custody of any "ours" children.

robin333's picture

I'm sorry. No one deserves to be abused and that is exactly what was done to you. ABSOLUTELY you need that order for you AND your kids.

Of course he is going to be nice and helpful. It's called emotional manipulation to make you reconsider. Please understand that he will not change. Don't fall for his bullsh*t.

I hope I'm not being too direct with you. I know you are emotionally exhausted and vulnerable. That's why I'm being more clear than supportive. Think about your kids when you feel weak.

There is a better tomorrow for you and your kids. Hugs.

twoviewpoints's picture

Would someplace like project safe be able to find resources for your SD?

Anyway... so glad you and the kids got out of there. What a horrible thing for all of you to experience.

No going back. Stay strong. Think of your children and yourself first and foremost.

purpleflipflops's picture

I can guarantee this won't be his last time he abuses you, if you decide to go back to him.

Trust me.....

I finally got out.

(This isn't about my DH, but an ex-bf)....

Acratopotes's picture

I've got nothing, I'm in shock... I hope you are okay Hon and seems like you have a support net through your family...

walk away and close the door, once a woman beater always one, I hope you filed a police report for assault...
and then immediately start the divorce proceedings, you will be fine without this man

sending you hugs

Tuff Noogies's picture

they made him leave? that's IT???? WTF!!!!!!!! they should have charged him with assault and battery under family violence, along with three counts of cruelty to children for allowing them to witness the battery f/v.

i'm not believing you had to go to the ER and yet they FAILED to charge him. wow. just wow.

i wholeheartedly agree with previous commenters - stand your ground. if you waiver, he will beat you into submission, both literally and emotionally.

Tuff Noogies's picture

3 incidents before any action? what complete and utter bull$#!t.

here, LEO's wouldnt even blink before slapping on the bracelets, ESPECIALLY since the incident happened in front of three minors *and* she was sent to the ER. no way in h3ll would this town wait for 3 incidents of that. they'd hook 'em and book 'em and let the courts sort it out.

CANYOUHELP's picture

I hope you have a recording ap on your phone, you need to record his rage now as much as possible, because you will be replaying it in the future for your divorce attorney.