What to do for Mother's Day
I think Mother's Day is one of the year's most difficult for stepmoms. We all know the drill, unappreciative SKs, clueless DHs, our hurt feelings.
Here's what to do now, over a week ahead. Plan what makes you happy, assemble or buy a great outfit, buy the food you like. We can't change how others respond but we can take care of our precious selves.
In the perfect world, our SKs would demonstrate their appreciation, and our DHs would make sure the day went well. Til the perfect world comes, take care of you.
Happy Mother's Day.
- JRI's blog
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Comments
DH has actually pulled
DH has actually pulled together a nice Mother's Day this year (from what I know) and he told me he got DD15mos in on it as well (somehow). I am curious to see what my toddler has contributed. Last year's was a bit of a flop; DH was mentally all over the place and it was poorly executed. To my knowledge, he has already sorted out presents and is working on figuring out lunch plans. My only request was that we go to the local farmer's market that morning.
Sometimes our DHs improve
My DH improved over the years but he's not good at gifts. I'm glad yours is improving. Let us know what DD15mo's gift is. Lol.
Excellent advice. I found I
Excellent advice. I found I couldn't rely on the men in my life to make things special for me, so I got in the habit of making things special for myself.
Book a spa day.
Go see a movie I like - alone or with friends.
Go to my favorite restaurant or get carry out.
There is this Italian restaurant in the town where I raised my kids and they have this veal dish - OMG. It's thinly sliced, pounded veal, lightly breaded, topped with spinach and mozzarella in a white wine rosemary sauce. It's my absolute favorite meal on the planet.
I have gone there many times to pick that meal up and bring it home with me - along with a bottle of chianti. Voila!! Add some chocolate or Italian cookies, and it's an evening. Favorite movies, bubble bath and whatever else floats my boat.
I love treating myself and won't hesitate. If the person I'm with or the friends I have aren't sure, I just go do it by myself!
Sounds delicious
Italian food is my fave.
I Own My Day Now
After 16 years, SK behaviors on Mother's Day do not impact me at all. I do not care that they don't recognize me. I'd be humiliated to even be thought of having anything to do with those people's raising. I have my two bios that make me proud daily. And while DH has not been great with MY day in the past, he's corrected that behavior. Still....I pretty much tell him what we are doing for MY day. LOL
Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful ladies!
I dont blame you
After what youve been thru with them, I dont blame you.
i celebrate my mom
since I am not a mom of human kids, I just celebrate my mother...and relax.
My mom is almost 100
My mom turns 100 in 2 weeks so I hope this isnt her last Mother's day.
Awww, Happy Mothers Day to
Awww, Happy Mothers Day to your Mom.
Enjoy every precious moment.
Don't buy into an overly
Don't buy into an overly hyped Hallmark holiday. Enjoy what makes you happy and expect nothing from your spouses kids, unless they were raised by amazing parents, which none of the kids on this site were.
Hallmark holiday
The advertisers create Mother's Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas fantasies that nobody could ever match. It's so hard to remember that these are advertisements. They are so seductive, they are what we would all like to experience. We need to tell ourselves they are as realistic as beer commercials, "jolly friends having a great time and nobody gets drunk".
Its not hard at all for me
Its not hard at all for me because it is one of those weekends that gets skipped if visitation falls on those days! I never ever have the steps around on Mothers Day except back when we werent following court ordered schedule and just getting them whenever BMs decided
Its a day for my mother and my aunts and MIL....I dont have kids so Idc about gifts or cards for me and dont expect the steps to give me anything....it would be weird
It must be tough for ppl who view themselves as "bonus moms" or "subsitute mother" and spent lots of energy and time raising demon steps who will be ungrateful in the end. I would advise to take a day off from "mothering" duties and go out to a quiet environment or a walk. Hopefully the husbands are thoughtful if the steps arent
You're right
You're right that it's particularly hard on stepmoms who have worked hard for the SKs. I never cared about Mother's Day recognition from the SKs UNTIL all 3 moved in and I WAS living the mom role 24/7.
Thats understandable. They
Thats understandable. They are so ungrateful but steps never consider us as part of the family, let alone a mother even when you are trying all you can to cater to them
I had one of the steps living with me for 2years and barely going to visif his mother. I watched my husband take him to the store and buy a giant mothers day card with a gift two years in a row....I never received even a "get well" card or text when i was dealing with health issues. Dont get me started on bdays....i organized countless bdays and cards and gifts and every year no one even texts me to wish me a happy bday lol
You are better off when you realize that these ppl dont view you as part of their family and quite frankly more as an inconvenience
I do not think stepdads have any of these problems. It seems like they are always catered to and given props for doing the smallest of contribution towards raising a child but a stepmom gets no credit and never a thank you in the form of a thoughtful gesture
Hope you ladies take care of yourself and put yourself first. This should be a reminder to not send them anything or participate in their special occasions
There is another post on here about gifts from steps and some of the posters were receiving regifted or used items from their steps for holidays! It shows that even if they "tried' (aka someone made them), they would make sure that it is a thoughtless gesture and make you feel really small
Yes, that's what happened here
That first year then they had all moved in and I was the "Mom" every minute of the day, SD had DH drive her to the store to buy BM a gift and card. Looking back, I realize they were trying to make sure BM's feelings werent hurt, that she felt ok with letting her kids go. That didnt help MY feelings at the time.
There is a sense of a big "F
There is a sense of a big "F U" when you see them go out of their way for someone who does nothing and you are overworking yourself for them and barely get any recognition
This was probably a preview of how they view you - useful and convenient when needed.
Thankfully you have Bios who are probably making up more than enough for this poor behavior. I found its good to focus on the ones who truly love us and think of us (no matter how small) rather than the ones who couldnt care less
Thanks
Happy Mothers day to all of you! I took myself clothes shopping and bought myself some high quality chocolate truffles. Yum!
Neither my DH nor my three SD's could care less about me on Mother's day. Yet despite them, I had a great day. I don't even know when mother's day is, I just picked a day and celebrated me.
Take care of yourselves and don't let the skids get you down.
You did it right!
Another reason to do for ourselves: nobody else realizes what all we do and put up with.