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Sympathy for the Stepparent

JRI's picture

At 83 and 76, DH and I are beyond the SP days, thank God.  But recent events have given me sympathy for the SP role.

My mom is in long-term care and my GD recently asked to stay here, with BF and his dog, for an extended period.   Both these things concern my relatives and both are stressful to DH as he deals with some physical issues.  Today, as we shopped for Mom, he had to navigate lots of traffic and lines at the stores, wait around for me, deal with packages, drive over to the home for drop-off.  He grumbled some, mostly for my sake ("Your brothers don't realize what all you do, we do this 3 times a week!")  Luckily, GD called today to say they are staying at an airbnbs instead of here but until then, he has been telling me about the many logistic issues it would cause.

I thought to myself, this is what all the SPs go thru, the disruption of their schedules and homes due to their spouses' familial obligations.

All you SP out there, I get it.






Wilhelm's picture

I understand JRI. My husband is 75 and in poor health. He is unable  to get around the shops anymore so very limited in outings. I also help look after my elderly parents as they live near me but have extemely supportive siblings. It only requires a phone call from me to have them offer assistance with the parents. They visit my parents regularly even though my mother has a very difficult form of dementia that makes it very hard to deal with her.

What really annoys me with my stepchildren is their lack of concern for their father. Even just to visit and have a cup of tea with him would help break up the day. 

JRI's picture

I know what you mean. I think everyone has the picture of DH in his healthy years, they aren't seeing the current reality.

Kes's picture

At your ages, you have earned a bit of peace - which it sounds as if you are not even getting, due to having to run around for your mother.  I don't think you should ever have allowed GD to think that coming to live at yours was an option - it is not up to her to decide not to come - it is down to you to say a big, resounding NO!   I am in my early 60s and I would not even consider the SDs or even my own daughters staying here for anything more than a couple of weeks in a dire emergency. 

JRI's picture

DH was really having a problem with the idea of her, BF and dog coming for an indefinite period.  (Of course, he was the one who said ok.)  He's in physical therapy 3 times a week and has extensive home exercises for a leg problem and was stressing about having them here.

I texted her during the week, trying to figure out the reason for the visit and the likely duration.  After texting back and forth with her, I told her 2 weeks.  I had also texted with DS, her dad, who is more aware than she of conditions here.  I think he might have suggested she make other arrangements.  Thanks, DS.

All's well that ends well.  We will see her and meet BF and she can help the other grandma who is recuperating after a hospital stay and she and BF can decide if they want to move here.  (Big sigh of relief).