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Just another day is SD60 land

JRI's picture

SD60 has 2 daughters, C and M.  C  called today and asked for Grandpa and said " bad news".  I handed him the phone knowing it was about SD60.  C said SD60 wanted DH84 to call.  She had an accident yesterday, she hit a deer and totalled her car.  They took her to the hospital for a checkup but released her with no injuries.  She had let the insurance lapse on her car which was worth about $15k.

She needed to pay the tow company and asked him to take her (and pay the fee).  He asked if I wanted to go, I said not really.  But we thought we'd need the car title which is in our safe deposit box so I had to go, DH84 can't handle  that.  (We have the title after the episode where SD60 got a car title loan, didnt pay it, the car was towed and DH had to pay off the loan).  Oops, the bank is closed for Veterans Day but there was a work-around since the car registration info was in the car.

We picked up SD60 and proceeded to the tow place.  I've had extensive experience with taking her somewhere and her being confused about directions but we eventually made it.  I decided to go in with them since SD gets so confused and DH is in the beginning of dementia and forgets things.  No big deal, pay the fee and give them the number of the guy who will tow it and estimate what he will pay for salvage.  The guy came and got the car.

SD60 was still kind of in shock and didn't want to see the car.  But we did and she did, too, eventually.  She's lucky she's alive, there was extensive damage.

So SD60 is sitting there, no car.  "Who's going to take me to the doctor?  Who's going to pick up my rx?  I'm out of food."  DH says,  your kids.  SD starts crying, her daughter, M, texted her recently saying don't contact me, don't call me from a hospital.  And worst of all, M never lets SD drive her car.  I was in the backseat thinking, wise girl, but said nothing.

It is going to be interesting.  My guess is DH will let her "suffer" for awhile but eventually buy a car, he has some $ coming but it's not enough for a very impressive car.  I asked him whos going to handle this stuff when he dies.  He said you are.  I said no, im moving near one of my bios.  He laughed and said you'll never move.  (Wrong).

Of course, none of this is SD60's fault. That evil deer ran smack into her and the criminal insurance cancelled her policy for non-payment.  She didn't pay it on time because she was paying her daughter"s expenses because the delinquent boyfriend is abdicating his responsibilities.  On and on.

Again, she's very lucky to be alive and unscratched.  I'm having a big glass of wine.  Just another day in SD60 Land.




caninelover's picture

Bratty McBratFace.  Never connects her actions and behaviors to bad outcomes.

Enjoy that glass and relax!

CLove's picture

The VERY biggest questions JRI - Red White or Rose? Mines Chardonnay, chilled. Local. 

Biggrin Evil grin. Too bad your SD60 has all these issues, but good for you telling DH that once he is gone *poof goes help to his children and grandchildren. He doesnt need to be under ANY illusions at this juncture of life.

Did the deer make it ok?

Ahem, oh, sorry -  nice for SD60 shes scratches...just a totaled car and now going for dadees bank account. Too bad you cant get a super old used car. 15k is a LOT. She can get used for a few thousand.

Well, JRI. Hope it doesnt turn into a big(ger) drama for you.

JRI's picture

I'm on my second glass now.  Lol.  DH doesnt believe I'll move but he's wrong.  Oh, Im sure it will turn into a much bigger drama now, for sure.  And, its the holiday season which always ramps her up anyway.  Her daughter, C, just called to see how it went.  She's a good person but not all that sharp, I hate to say that but its true.  Her heart is in the right place.  I told her she's going to have to step up.  She agreed and wants to have SD come stay with her for awhile but they get on each other's nerves after a few days.  I TOTALLY understand.


Merry's picture

Ugh. I think you handle your SD pretty well. Your DH has a budget, and I hope a car doesn't go too far beyond that. And I hope he doesn't jump in right away to save her again.

It's not like your SD will learn anything from this. If, at 60, she can't see how her own actions contribute to a particular outcome she never will. So blame the deer. Someone should have trained it or something. Or, like my idiotic former mother in law once said, they should have had a fence on that part of the road.


JRI's picture

Being around her is smack my head day every day.  When SGD C called this afternoon, we both agreed that SD had seemed off this week.  SGD says this happens whenever she's not taking her antidepressants on schedule.  She says it happens about every 3 months.  We both expressed exasperation that we've both urged her to take her rx regularly but with no result.  I told her I'd had almost 50 years of trying to get her to do things with no luck.  Poor girl, she had to be raised with it.

tog redux's picture

What a mess. I can't imagine having her for an SD, or being so dependent on my elderly parent at age SIXTY!  My guess is that once your DH is gone, she will somehow find a way to make it in the world, she will have no choice.

JRI's picture

The poignant thing is that back in the day, altho she was a diffcult person, I thought of her as our "Survivor Daughter".  She always had some kind of street sense.  Sadly, I believe long-term drug abuse fried her brain.  Her memory, comprehension and understanding have markedly diminished.  Now, she's on a variety of prescriptions, which she doesn't take as prescribed, plus whatever other drugs she can get her hands on.  She seems in a permanent fog, so confused.

hereiam's picture

I asked him whos going to handle this stuff when he dies.  He said you are. 

Hahahahahahaha! Your DH is funny.

JRI's picture

He just thinks I'll always be here, always be young and healthy enough to deal with her.  

Catmom024's picture

Oh no!  What a mess.  I can't believe she was driving uninsured.  Honestly,  I wouldn't say anything else about not taking care of Sd once your DH passes away...I'd be scared he'll decide to leave anything he can to her in his will or put her name on a joint savings account so she'll be provided for. 

JRI's picture

I'm not going to bring it up again.   Every once in awhile, I think its possible i will change my mind.  I have a fantasy that if he got very sick, that she would be a very real help.  I know she loves him and would want to help in any way.  My rational brain tells me, however, that even if she wanted to, she wouldnt be able to hold it together enough to help.


CajunMom's picture

your DH would let his SIXTY year old daughter "sink or swim." I find it humorous that he thinks YOU will take care of her when he's gone. 

I will say this for my DH....he cut the financial apron strings years ago. 

I'm getting ready for a glass of white wine....Sav Blanc. I'll toast you for how well you handle that mess!


PS...I'm going to be 60 in a few weeks. I cannot imagine still needing my parents for financial assistance. LOL

JRI's picture

I know, it's so dysfunctional.  But when you spoil a mini-wife, this is what you get.  She never had to face a single consequence in her early life that I know of.  He felt guilty about his divorce and that's how he handled it.  The sad result is 2 divorces from 2 good men and 3 kids.  "C" is still in contact but the other 2 kids are barely in contact.  No friends and her siblings seldom take her calls because she's stolen or begged them for stuff. Sad.