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I dont get it

JRI's picture

You all have heard me rant about manipulative, BPD SD59 but surprise, this isn't about her, it's DH.  SD comes over about once a week, today she was here to cut DH's hair.

Since I disengaged 4 years ago after many misdeeds, I seldom talk to SD in any depth.  But once in awhile, we do talk, usually about finances connected to our subsidizing her shelter costs. I can tell DH loves me to talk with her.   Invariably, DH interrupts, calls attention to himself and disrupts the conversation.  I've started calling him out about it, not that it's stopped him.  It's gotten to the point last week where SD said, that's ok, Dad, you can interrupt.  Today, she and I had a discussion then I callled her later to follow up on something.  As I was talking to her, he was standing in front of me,screaming, "Tell her she forgot her gloves, tell her she forgot her gloves!"  When I got off the phone, I exploded.  "SD59 and I have a so-so relationship.but I know you want me to talk with her but every time I do, you interrupt!  Next time, I'm just walking away".  

I'm not sure what's going on.  So aggravating.


JRI's picture

I so seldom have a protective feeling toward SD59 but it feels like he's keeping her from getting information she needs when she and I try to talk.  She has lost brain cells, imo, from drug use but I see her trying to figure things out and make decisions.  I dont want to get too involved in her business but there are things we have to discuss.  

Oh well, just venting here.

tog redux's picture

Honestly, at 83 and almost 60, neither of these two will change. You probably just have to walk away, as you said.

JRI's picture

He wasnt always like this.  Its crazy.  She and I sit in the kitchen trying to talk and he walks back and forth to the frig, " Want something to drink?", " Want this?", " Want that?"  I know he loves attention but he typically does what he thinks is best for her.   Ok, I'm done ranting.  Lol.

JRI's picture

I know he has some age-related issues, a little memory loss, more compulsive behavior.  I brought it up to the internist during our checkups last fall.  He authorized additional blood tests and prescribed foliate and B6 for awhile.  He also gave me a referral to a neurologist.   I dont think it's dementia, yet.  I think his OCD is deepening as he ages.  He is more dependent on me and seems nervous when Im one-on-one with someone else.  Today, as I spoke to mom on the phone, he was standing in front of me insistently yakking about a flashlight we are taking her.   Sigh.