Another vent... I'm SO frustrated!
So SD9 was on the phone with BM tonight and I could hear the conversation that was going on... BOTH sides of it this time. BM says to SD9, "So... I hear you weren't in school today, how come?" My first thought is, she HAS to be having the school contact her when SD is absent otherwise how would she know that? SD9 continues on to tell her that she missed school because she had an eye appointment. She wanted to know why SD9 didn't go to school AFTER the eye appointment... SD9's not sure because although we can explain things to this child OVER and OVER she STILL somehow never understands. Well the reason is actually pretty simple, three of us had eye appointments today NOT just HER. It was me, my DD14 and SD9. Our appointments were made one after the other with the same optometrist and our appointments were, 8am, 9am and 10am. By the time we were all done it was about 11 and it was an early out today so they would have made it to ONE class. DH and I figured since it was DD's first missed day of the year and only SD's 2nd... no biggie. We kept them home. Both schools were called and everybody knew they weren't coming. They'll be in class tomorrow as usual.
THEN she starts asking SD stupid crap like, "Are you being fed well? What did you have to eat today?" I SO badly wanted to grab the phone and say "No, we're effing starving her for the shear pleasure of the experience!" DUH!!! Then she says, "Do you have a winter coat, hat and gloves?" Once again, NO!!! We are purposely keeping her out of school so we can starve her and THAT's not enough, no no no, we have also decided to FREEZE her to death. Not to mention, if we're purposely keeping her home from school to starve her, why the hell would she even NEED a winter coat, hat and gloves?
I won't ACTUALLY write her because I won't get involved but here's what I would say:
Dear Bowel Movement,
SD was not in school today because we are idiots and we really would like for her to follow in our footsteps. We didn't feel the need to buy her a winter coat, hat and gloves because she really doesn't need them because of our decision to take her out of school. We don't feed her because she doesn't REALLY need to eat. Eating is overrated. We think that instead of her attending school she just needs to go ahead and get a job. Once she obtains the job of course we'll keep the money she makes for ourselves because we're greedy selfish people.
I was just curious as to what brought on the SUDDEN and UNEXPECTED interest you are attempting. Is it because you got married and now you want to "play family" like a grown up for awhile? SD has been just fine during the last two years that you CHOSE to neglect her, not help at ALL in her upbringing, barely call her, not buy her ANYTHING EVER...
PLEASE go back to your REAL life... WoW, where you are actually liked by people who don't know the kind of person you TRULY are. Leave the responsible parents to keep doing their job just as we always have and always WILL!
Sincerely,
Best interest of the child
P.S. Why would YOU ask if she has a winter coat, hat and gloves when we KNOW YOU wouldn't buy it for her? No, you're too busy becoming even more of a cow than you already are and we're actually okay with that now, so kindly leave us alone! We've made it THIS far without you and now all you want to do is seemingly try to find problems with how we parent.
Ahhhh, it DOES feel good to vent it all out. You guys are AWESOME for being here. I hope you all know I'm here for YOU too. 
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You go girl! What a jackass
You go girl! What a jackass BM! Don't you hate it when they suddenly want to become good mothers?? Sickening!!
"Dear Bowel Movement," I just
"Dear Bowel Movement,"
I just want you to know that I REALLY LOL when I read this!! LOVE IT! I've been down this road too... so glad my sk's are out of my house so I do not have to deal with BOWEL MOVEMENT anymore!! ROFLMAO
I agree it is really good to
I agree it is really good to vent. My husband and I go through this nonsense evertime we drop off my SD..her mom will say to her did you ear properly, are you ok, are you tired, did you sleep ok or did you have nightmares...you know the usual crap...
So one day as we dropped off my SD her BM asked her if she ate properly and I turned around and said "NO SHE DID NOT AS IT WASN'T HER WEEKEND TO EAT" and then I kept walking..my husband was laughing so hard and then my SD ran over to me and gave me a hug.. BM just stood there looking stupid..
What I didn't realize is the BM interogates SD everytime we drop her off...omg I want to smack BM..
Z
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love this!!!
^^^ yes yes yes , this this
^^^ yes yes yes , this this this ^^^
I dont even have to write on this site lol , I love it! Someone else always says what I think
I don't know OPs full
I don't know OPs full situation, but I get pissed when my skids BM asks my skids these questions. This is how I'd like our BM to be answered:
BM - "Did you eat a good mean?"
Skids - "No mommy, because you are still stealing food stamps in our names, so even though daddy has us full time, and his business is about to collapse because of the economy, we are having to go through hell to get your food stamp benefits stopped so that we can apply have adequate food AND pay the utilities here. Until then, it will be lunch meat, hot dogs, and macaroni."
BM - "Did you get a new winter coat this year?"
Skids - "No mommy, we are still using the ones from last year, even though they are a little small. Are you going to give us our child support money to help buy our winter coats? Have you gotten a job yet like the nice Judge asked you to, or are you still sitting on your lazy rump all day calling yourself a 'stay at home mom' just without kids?"
Ok maybe that's not the answers I'd want the skids to give her. Or, yes hell it is.... I would just never give skids so much info about their mother.
We DO feed the kids well. However, the bitch is stealing their food stamps (she still has benefits in their names) although we have had custody of the kids since september, and her husband makes WELL over the food stamp guidelines. Not to mention she hasn't given a shit about the kids, she didn't pay her bills, instead she took a vacation across the country and when she returned she made them take cold showers in the dead of winter because she had no gas, she effed up their education resulting in her daughter being put from 3rd back to 2nd grade because it was easier to just do her homework for her, she exposed her kids to man after man after man, and fetish parties, and alcohol, and God knows what else.... She has not given a rats ass about these kids for 3 years, not until she lost the 50/50 and all the sudden is hit with child support.
So she has no f*cking right to ask if the kids are eating well. She has no f*cking right to ask if they have a coat. And she has no f*cking right to ask if we are taking their temperature. We know they have a fucking fever, we have been the ones taking care of the kids illness AND well visits to the doctor while you've been out screwing anything that has a dick!
It's all about the next court date to try and get 50/50 back so she will be the one getting the child support check again. Not a genuine concern for the kids she turned her back on.
Our BM would go to her room
Our BM would go to her room and pull her hair out before calling me to help with the kids! She wants everyone's perception of her to be the poor little good mommy who had her kids stolen from her... It's all about how she LOOKS, as long as people BELIEVE she's taking care of her kids, she's happy. She knows she's a liar, she knows it's her word against ours and all her friends will naturally believe her.. and that's all that matters.
Meanwhile, she's putting the kids through hell. Every time the kids call their dad, it is complete chaos on the other end. Screaming, crying, loud laughing, she and her husband are completely disrupting the call and encouraging the other kids to be loud. The kids still ask though, 'when are we coming home? Can you come get me tonight? Can you come get me tomorrow? How many more days to I have to stay here?' Keep in mind she gets them EOWE. Kids that don't want to be with their mother for a couple days every other weekend? There HAS GOT TO BE something going on there.
Actually, my boys used to
Actually, my boys used to visit their father in another country for 3 - 5 weeks at a time in the summer... I never asked them, (either on the phone or when they got home): 'did you eat properly?' or 'did you eat three meals every day?' or 'did dad let you brush your teeth?' or 'did dad turn on the air conditioner for you?' or whatever...
I may hate his guts but he's their father, he's an adult and if they eat hot dogs every day for a week, he'll get the message when they start saying 'yuck'.
No, it's not a neglect issue,
No, it's not a neglect issue, it's a control issue and if you wanted to make sure that your child ALWAYS lived the way YOU WANT then you shouldn't have gotten a divorce. Things ARE different in our home than they are at BM's house. For one, our house is CLEAN. Her's is dirty to the point that CPS had to go in and give the woman 24 hours to clean it and then they went back to check and make sure that it was. DH and SD lived like that FOR YEARS with her before the relationship was finally over and when I entered the picture they had to get used to living in CLEANLINESS with HOME COOKED meals instead of the TV dinners that went on when BM lived with them, but they HAVE adjusted now. I don't feel this woman has the right to call and put SD in the middle that way. If she has questions she knows our number but she won't call because she KNOWS she asking stupid ass questions that have EVERY right to piss us off.
You know, I see you're a BM and not a step. Maybe the problem is that you cannot relate to our posts here because you haven't been though any of it yourself. Your DD is only 2 and maybe the problem you're having when you THINK your ex is being neglectful is actually the simple fact that you are relying on the word of a TWO year old. Very mature... very responsible... NOT. You should be asking your EX NOT DD!!!
Thesunnysideup.. Ok,let's
Thesunnysideup..
Ok,let's reverse this and have your ex ask your child all sorts of questions about your parenting techniques..are you ok with that? you wouldn't feel demeaned is any way, shape or form?
I get it you hate your ex fine, but why put your child in the middle of your hatred for your ex. What does it accomplish to grill your child? do you get that AHA moment..."look what he did, I'm the better parent".
Kids need to be kids and parents need to stop putting them in the middle of this nonsense. My SD hates and I mean hates it when her BM picks her up because its inquisition time and she gets nervous and sick to her stomach. If she tells her mom the truth that she had a great time then her mom makes her feel like she's a terrible daughter for having a good time at her SM and Dads place. So because she's trying to give the answer she thinks her mom wants to hear and it may not be the truth because she's trying to please her mom and not give the wrong answer and make her mom mad... So yes I dont like it when BM does this to my SD..
Z
Thesunnysideup....Ok I see
Thesunnysideup....Ok I see your point...no need to get upset. I know it's not a crime to ensure your child is properly fed and I also know that there are very bad BP out there..but thanks for clarifying this for me...
But in all sincerity I am glad that you do not interogate your kids as this does not accomplish anything..
Z
Honestly it's a simple case
Honestly it's a simple case of what she does in her home doesn't really apply to our situation and I feel as though Sunnysideup is IMPLYING that DH and I don't know how to parent and therefore why wouldn't SD's BM grill her... if she's so damn worried about SD's welfare why on God's green earth did she CHOOSE to move 10 hours away and put herself in the position to see her DD only occasionally? Not to mention for the last two years this woman hasn't seemed to care about anything but herself and now all of sudden she's questioning whether or not her DD is being taken care of? Where the hell was her concern when she ran off to be with yet another man?
Yes it IS good to be aware of whether or not your child is being well taken care of. That's part of my frustration. She SHOULD live closer and be more involved.
I DON'T condone the fact that you rely on the word of a TWO year old child on whether she's being properly cared for while in her father's care because let's face it... a judge would think you're effing crazy to. She could be leaving stuff out, adding stuff saying things are in her imagination such as the crabby patty comment.
Seriously??? Think about it...
Hey N8tiveButt3rfly... I was
Hey N8tiveButt3rfly...
I was being a little smart with Sunnysideup...because she felt the need to educate me on these issues..
I do see what you are going through and I as well agree that you cannot rely on a child that is that young thats just nonsense... And I feel as Step parents we are being judged all the time and I for one am sick of it..
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time and I hope it gets better... Z
Awwwww, thank you Zoie. I'm
Awwwww, thank you Zoie. I'm sorry I didn't get the sarcasm. This woman has been at me for my last two posts and I honestly don't get it. All I'm doing is venting and honestly it DOES help.
It does seem as though we are being judged constantly and it DOES get tiring. The problem is BM is pissed off because I take better care of her daughter than SHE does... but you know what? She can ONLY blame HERSELF because DH is NOT in way shape or form PASing OR with holding visits. As far as SD9 knows, her mother is a perfect, caring warm mother who loves her with ALL of her heart and now I think I'm going to throw up in my mouth a little for even thinking about it.. :sick:
My pleasure N8tiveButt3rfly,
My pleasure N8tiveButt3rfly, the way I see it, this woman who's been at you for the last two posts..does not have any idea of what you are going through and really we have no idea what she is going through. So in the end all that matters is that we the SM's are doing the best we can.
As stepparents we are judged on a daily basis by BM, our husband, our parents, our in-laws, co-workers, school teachers etc.. I have the same problem you do with BM and I'm very frustrated with her and to be perfectly honest I cannot stand BM but my SD doesn't know how I truly feel and I have no right to put her in that position. The same as you...I take much better care of my SD than BM does. My SD had witnessed things in her BM's house that no child should have to witness and it sickens me to know that her BM,the one that is suppose to protect this child and love this child does not. So my husband and I take very good care of her and make sure she has a normal happy childhood when she is with us...
Try to have a good day and we will chat soon... Z
For your information
For your information Sunnysideup, I DO have children that are at their dad's all week long. No, I do NOT ask them if they're being well fed, clothed properly or ANY questions that pertain to THAT household. Why? Because despite the fact that sometimes I hate my ex-husband, I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt in my mind that he takes EXCELLENT care of our children and IF he didn't I would find out without having to ask my children. My children are here every weekend. If they were coming to me in rags and not proper attire for the season I would SEE it with my own two eyes. If they were being mistreated I KNOW they would tell me without me having to ask. All I hear from them are normal complaints about their dad and SM and I cut THOSE complaints off at the knees. If I hear something like, "Hey mom, I had to go school all hairy because SM kept FORGETTING to buy razors for me although SHE has razors," I say something like, "Yeah, your SM does a LOT of stuff for you so razors was probably something that wasn't first and foremost in her thoughts." So out of respect that SM has a full plate I'll grab some razors and send them home with my Bkids. I'll get a note from SM thanking me for helping because it was a hairy week (no pun intended... or maybe it was). Result: Happy kids that have EVERYTHING that they need and continued respect for a woman that does a LOT for my children. Something I've learned as a Biomom on this website and from being a SM myself is that 99% of the time SM's have only the best intentions toward their Skids. It is only AFTER being abused by kids that have BM's LIKE YOU that SM's start getting the feeling of being abused and so they usually just disengage. I don't want that for my Bio's. So I reinforce and back up SM. If I ever have an actual problem with HER we meet somewhere and talk about it in private. The kids never even find out.
You're missing the point about MY BM altogether. SHE chose to move 10 hours away from her own daughter. In the custody agreement DH and she has it states that she can have her daughter EOWend, from a week after school gets out for summer vacation until a week before school starts, EO holiday and a week at Christmas. If she cared THAT much about her own daughter's well being I think she would live close enough to have her more often and send child support or at least buy her some clothes and send them with her. She does NOTHING to help, NOTHING! The only time she takes her for a visit is summer and Christmas and THEN she gripes because she doesn't have the money for the round trip. She says DH and I should have to meet her halfway. NOPE! If she can't come get her, no visit. Plain and simple.
Not to mention, I only came on here and vented. I didn't send anything that I wanted to say to BM. She gets to continue to live in her little illusion, which for the life of me I can't figure out WHAT illusion she could possibly live in that makes it okay to leave her child and then not do ANYTHING for her.
I was living far from my Biokids and I moved back close enough to run them to Dr. appointments, help pick them up from school when they're sick, I pay child support AND I buy them clothes and shoes for birthdays and Christmas's. It's about THE KIDS!!! Making sure they have what they need, it's not about our own selfishness.
Good point! Nice way to look
Good point! Nice way to look at it.
I guess it was just the initial shock of the line of questioning that caught me off guard. It DID make feel as though BM was LOOKING for something wrong in the household.
I DO need to look at it THIS way... all she's going to hear is how truly wonderful SD9 is being taken care of in our home so she can continue to sleep the sound sleep of a woman that CAN neglect her own child because she KNOWS she's being well taken care of.
Thank you.
The BM in my situation does
The BM in my situation does the exact same thing. She questions the kids like crazy, every night she would ask them if they ate, what did they eat, did they want more, did they get more if they wanted more. Did they go to school, were they in trouble, why were they in trouble, who got on to them,etc. She even called one day and asked what kind of school clothes did they get? Like she was going to spend a dime to help buy her kids Christmas or school clothes or anything else the kids need. I know they gave birth to these kids but what gives them the right to question what they have and don't have when they chose to walk away from their kids and don't do anything to help with their raising?