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Just need to ask . . .Is it normal????

Jmom's picture

Is it normal for a 13 year old girl who has started to have a period to not take showers? SD13 is a complete orderly neat freak . .she's almost obsessive. But when it comes to showers and actually washing her coochie she could care less. I have BS13 and while we go to war over his room after the age of about 7 or 8 I didn't have to remind him to take a shower. Sometimes he's showering 2 or 3 times a day. I've noticed that only when DH asks her if she has showered will she take one when she visits. I think it's disgusting and quite lazy. She just sits around all day in her pajamas when she visits . . .locks herself in the guest room . . .plays on the computer or watches TV. She only comes out to eat or if we are going somewhere. This stuff happens weven when she's on her period. Speaking of the guest room I asked DH when the last time the sheets on her bed were changed. . .he didn't know. I left clean linens for her on the bed this weekend and told her to throw the dirty ones in DH's laundry so he could wash them. I just looked and she put the clean sheets back in the linen closet and left the dirty ones on the bed :? LAZY ASS!

I can only pose this question with you all due to the fact that I partially disengaged because of this crap. Anytime I mention anything that's just not wonderful and loving when it comes to SD13 I'm the bad guy and I don't want her to come visit. This kid does absolutly nothing (including washing her ass) and no one seems to notice.

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Jmom's picture

I should also add that DH picked her up Friday after school and took her home Sunday night at around 9 . . not one shower all weekend :jawdrop:

PeanutandSons's picture

If this site is an accurate representation of skids......it appears that yes it is normal. :/

Goincrazy40's picture

The kids here (SS14 and SD12) could easily go days without showering. I think it is just a kid thing - a "too lazy to bother" issue. And men don't notice, nor care, so they don't get on kids' butts about it.

When SD gets into boys, she will be in that shower, believe me. Oh, and I bet I know why your BS is in the shower 2-3 times a day! Wink

And even though you and I think the sheets thing is gross (EW) that is another thing that wouldn't necessarily bother a kid or a guy. They are just oblivious.

Jmom's picture

Yeah I know why BS likes to take those long hot showers . . .Too Funny!

BS13 just has chores and part of those chores is washing his sheets weekly when HE does his weekly laundry. BM and DH don't even make this kid do her own laundry. I see myself preparing my son for the real world I guess they are preparing her for a life with mommy and daddy.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

I don't mean to sound like a jerk (but I'm sure I do anyway) but the sheet thing when combined with the hygiene issue is really gross. She should be stripping the bed when she leaves, especially if anyone else uses that bed. It's gross that she doesn't shower and sleeps in that bed dirty, and then just leaves it for the next person. Ewwwww.

If she didn't change it, I'd make damn sure DH did.

Jmom's picture

I totally agree with you NormaJean. My family lives very close so she's really the only one to use the guest room. . . Her visits have been sporadiac over the past 2 months . .when she stops coming completely (which is where I think we are headed) I'm turning that room into an office. That's how often it's used for guests.

She not only sleeps in the dirty bed. . .she wallows in it all day long.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Normal is different in every family. At my house, we shower every single day, except my kids with eczema, which the pediatrician said we were inflaming by bathing them too frequently. They bathe every other day, and only use shampoo/soap about once a week. I bathe and wash my hair no less than every 36 hours. My boys and older girls are in sports. They shower and wash with suds every day. SD6 only bathes every other day at her mom's house. She bucks me constantly on the bathing when she's here. SD11 only bathes ONCE A WEEK when she visits her mother. According to her, they all do. DH confirms this to be true. BM2 feels that one or two showers a week is more than sufficient. Yes, even when she's on her period or it's hot out. Yes, even her lady bits. :sick:

Jmom's picture

OMG even her lady bits! Well I can let you know now that SD13 does not have eczema! She's got a lazy gene that she inherited from BM and DH. BM is too busy to notice and DH is too lazy to stay on top of it.

Goincrazy40's picture

Here is what on the chore list for skids here (I wrote them up by the way):
* Shower every day
* Brush teeth every day
* Make Bed Every day
* Bedtime is 10pm on school nights
* Dishes into dishwasher every time
* Do homework first thing after school

Isn't it sad that this is a CHORE list? And it just KILLS them to do these things. God forbid I ask one of them to empty a garbage can. The Horror!

thinkthrice's picture

We got CPS called on us for having the three skids pick up a few twigs on the front lawn while we were raking. . . "age inappropriate work" at ages 10 1/2, 8 1/2 and 6.

Did I meantion that the BM WORKS for CPS in her county?

Jmom's picture

Chore list!!!! My BS13 does this crap every day because he's supposed to. I guess I was a crazy single parent for too long and actually expect him to help out. This morning I was having a moment (breakdown I guess) and kinda teared up because BS13 is the only other person in the house who helps out and picks up the slack. I realized that he was the only person who wasn't irriating me . . .I love that boy. I'm going straight home to kiss him. He's not perfect but I'd take him any day over the lazy bunch.

thinkthrice's picture

I, too, was a single parent that actually PARENTED the old fashioned way (GASP!). I didn't pity my children because they were CODs and didn't lower the bar of expectations either. Children NEED to have a place in the family and part of that sense of belonging comes from helping the family with chores, etc. Today they are productive adult members of society.

thinkthrice's picture

I didn't nickname my YSS "Prince Hygiene" for nothing (read: opposite day) All three would take soapless showers if any at all. Brushing teeth? NAH!! Just let last week's chicken wings hang off your cosmetically-slapped-on-by-the-BM-the-second-skid-turns-eight-to-drive-up-CS orthodonture.

Jmom's picture

Oh the soapless shower. . . yeah I'm familiar with it. It just shocks me that at the age of 13 you really expect me to believe that you soaped up and washed everything in a 60 second shower. Just NASTY

Fritzi's picture

SS12 Has been caught standing in the middle of the bathroom fully clothed allowing the shower to run for 25min....He will hear about it every time I tell him to take a shower for months to come. }:)

thinkthrice's picture

How about "cutting the grass" on the riding mower with the blade UP! SD and YSS did this right in front of Guilty Daddy. Going round and round, laughing up a storm, wasting all sorts of fuel on a glorified "ride."

Or striding through the living room in one's whitey tighties, with their so-pale-it's-almost-translucent corpulence globbing over the waistline complete with a blanket around their shoulders like a kingly "robe?"

Bojangles's picture

My skids were erratic in their hygeine. I think skids are more prone to this because often single mom BM hasn't the time or inclination to enforce it, and non-custodial Dad is not wanting to be the shower gestapo on weekends. Neither BM nor DH obliged my skids to wash regularly. They would happily stay fri-sun eve without showering. When YSD moved in with us aged 14 the most she would wash is every other day, somedays it would be longer. For a while she decided to wash more often but insisted on taking baths at night, in the end I had to tell her she was using way too much water bathing every day and she needed to start taking some showers instead. She never washed in the morning either, always at night, it was as thought she was still in that little kid bath-before-bed thing. Just another way in which the littlest every day things can seem completly alien when you weren't brought up that way.

Jmom's picture

Fighting this is a great idea but no I won't go there. DH and BM think sd13 is perfect the way she is. This would be twisted and turned into me picking on sd. I would once again be the bad guy. I got tired of it so I disengaged. I'm just waiting on someone to hurt her feelings . . Then they will take action.