I just got a substantial raise at work which now puts my salary almost equal to DH’s salary. DH and I keep separate accounts (checking and savings) and we have joint accounts (checking and savings). Each pay period we deposit money into the joint account to pay the household bills. Just for numbers sake let’s say DH contributed $500 a pay period and I contributed $400 (because I made less money . .about 10 grand less) into the joint account . . .anything left over after paying bills is shifted into the joint savings account.
DH’s child support is not configured within our joint budget. He contributes his $500 and child support, gas etc he needs for the month is paid for out of the funds left over in his separate account and I do the same (although I don’t pay child support). To be honest I don’t even know how much CS he pays. Now because of my raise he keeps throwing subtle hints about the extra money in my paycheck and how we need to restructure how we are doing this.
Just FYI when we got married (3 yrs ago) I thought everything would be together and joint and he wanted to split the accounts this way. In hindsight I think it’s because I made less money and I have a BS14 that I receive no support for. He was trying to make sure that he didn’t get taken (trust issues). I pay everything for my BS14 out of my personal accounts. I have never tapped the joint accounts for vacations with my BS, school clothes, lunch money, Christmas gifts, etc. Anything BS14 needs I take care of. It has been hard for me to save in my personal accounts until now. With that being said DH is always pissed when he has to take care of (outside of child support) SD14 out of his personal accounts. He would love to be able to tap into the joint accounts but because I have kept it so clean (and he can’t say I took out anything for BS) he has no leg to stand on and that’s the way I intended it to be.
I plan to increase my contribution to the joint account to $500 to match DH’s and be done with it. The extra funds from my raise I intend to save in my personal account. Here’s the funny thing . . .a couple of months ago I went to DH and asked him to sit down and take a look at our funds and see if we could be contributing more to the joint accounts. I knew that I could by at least $100 (and I know he could have too). My suggestion was because the household bills were increasing (especially groceries). He looked at me like I had two heads and quickly changed the subject.
We have separate everything. We have a combined savings that we only use if we are saving for something.
DH pays the bills and I give him half every month. He makes more money than I do about 25% last year. I don't care. I pay for my kid, you pay for yours. We fully vest our retirement accts and maybe someday will combine funds, but not until these kids are out of college.
I am not on this mortgage and so I do not pay half the mortgage. The difference is I pay for two vacations a year - housing only and we split the rest. I have another house that I pay for and actually make a profit on with rent.
Now, that said, I am about to double my income within the next month due to a deal I have been working on. He looked at me the other day and asked about profit sharing with my business. I laughed and said we will see. I think the difference for us would be that I will just pick up some more dinners instead of splitting them and maybe paying for some of the extras. But, that is it. Profit sharing, my ass. I worked my ass off in this business and I will do what I want, no more, no less.
I say stop the joint savings and do your own savings. He can do his own. If you want something big, then save for it equally.
I totally agree with the joint savings. I swear everytime there's a dime in there he can think of something to buy with it (most of the time for SD). Also we've almost got DH's car paid off. I suggested that we take that almost $500 car payment and stick it into joint savings. His car is in good shape (looks good and everything). His response was that he wants another car. He works and he wants to ride nice. WHAT! I won't be putting my name on another car anytime soon, he'll have to go it alone on this one. I drove my last car for 11 years until I HAD to get a new one.
We keep separate accounts too. I wanted it that way because of his CS.
I prepare a spreadsheet every month to calculate how much each of us needs to put towards combined expenses. It's based on a percentage of our combined income. My husband's income fluctuates a bit every month. So for example (these numbers aren't accurate), if he makes $10,000 and I make $5000, then he pays 2/3 of the household expenses that month and I pay 1/3. If we both make $5000 then we each pay for half of the shared expenses that month.
This is what we started doing a few months ago. I feel a lot better with it like this because I don't like feeling like I'm subsidizing his child support especially when it seems more like alimony when you know most of it isn't going to benefit the kids. When the kids don't have clothes or what they need for school and BM gets $2500 per month, you know what the money is going for - BM's new car.
Absolutely. I don't think I should have to pay for my husbabd's mistake (having a child with a greedy, lazy, entitled bitch). We know the CS goes towards BM's truck payments. I pay for my own vehicle.....I don't need to pay for hers too.
I heard that minimum wage (in Alberta) is going up next month. That means BM is getting a raise! Maybe she'll start contributing to her daughter's life now.
^^^^ He's been more excited about my promotion and raise than I have. All week (we got paid today) he's mentioned my new pay amount. He's an accountant and he makes around the same thing now so it's no secret. I just stay silent and when I go to the bank and deposit into the joint account for bills he'll see the difference and have his response
Thanks for your responses. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable. Funny thing if BM and SD weren't such greedy heifers I would have put my money with his long ago. I know he wants to now. Right now he has no problem telling them no because it directly effects HIS bottom line. As soon as we start joining he'll see two incomes and let them have at it.
I would never have a joint account (or get married for that matter) with a man who has children. It's NEVER over. There will ALWAYS be something for his previously enjoyed family that he wants to raid YOUR wallet for.
The old saying "What's mine is mine and what yours is mine."
:sick:
I too might get promoted and I'm scared to death that it will be thrown back in my face by Chef or he will continue to think that money grows on trees (even MORE so)
I've had to say something to Chef about it because the possibilty has made my jealous co-worker (who is on the verge of retirement) give me the cold shoulder.
my only difference is that we both pay half of the cost of the roof over both our heads.
dh and i pay equal amounts into joint checking for all regular, revolving bills. however, we also include our savings accounts as a bill. this covers vacations, christmas/bdays, any potential extra household expenses (like if the diswasher breaks), and general $ stockpiling (possibly for future down pymnt on a house). i like this way of doing it, it works with us- i have no kids, but we've got all 3 of his fulltime; the difference is i LIKE my skids and have no problem funding half of bdays/xmas/clothes. the rest of the stuff (household emergencies or vacations) benefits me also, so no prob w/ half of that either. but to me savings is a bill just as much as the mortgage or car insurance.
i think you have the best plan for your circumstances - both evenly contribute to bills, each seperately care for your own kids. i dont see what he's got to complain about!
Sueu - I think the problem is that he's afraid that I'm going to be saving more than him when in reality my BS14 is just as expensive as SD14. He'd like for us to put all of our surplus into the same pot now when it was his plan in the very beginning to split everything. I thought it was ridiculous to have 6 bank accounts between us but now that we've been doing this for 3 almost 4 years I like it better this way.
So, this makes me think. Is this the way it would be if it were a nuclear family we were talking about? Sometimes I hate the fact that things have to be so divided between my husband and I just because there are children from other past relationships involved.
Almost. . .I don't like it but it's the way it is. I started out all roses and sugar but then I realized wait a minute . .the BM is looking at me like a cash cow, even going so far as to not buy her daughter underwear (bras) because as she put it we were in a two income household. Well there are two incomes her's and DH's mine should not be included. I was a single parent receiving no child support for my BS14 before I met and married DH. I have alwasy taken care of him. I never had the luxury of telling him to just go ask someone else. I survived and thrived.
BM cheated on and abandoned DH . . .divorced the man and he didn't even know he was divorced. When I picked him up she saw her opportunity and moved 1000 miles to where he was with SD now 14. She had no clue that he had started over and we were on the verge of getting married. Talk about pissed. She was having a hard time where she was and decided to leave her extended family and moved to where he was. She knows his weakness is SD and he works very hard to take care of her and show her love but she is her mother's daughter and likes to use and abuse just like momma. I want no part in that and work very hard to distance myself from it.
Jmom, I totally understand where you are coming from. The BM in my life has also trained her daughters to always ask Daddy because she will not contribute to things they want, let alone things that they actually need. I would get mad because DH would foot the bill on EVERYTHING and when I would say anything about it he'd say, "Almost, their mom doesn't have any money!" Ummmmmm, yeah she does. She would just rather pay for herself first.
I get it though. You work hard. And there is no reason for why that woman should consider YOUR income for HER child.
My SD's BM is the same. She doesn't think she needs to contribute financially either. She sees my income as something that should go towards her daughter because of what I do and how much money I make compared to her. I don't get it. I would never be comfortable knowing another woman was contributing to my child's life more than I was. But this BM is perfectly happy to sit back and let me pick up the slack.
"I would never be comfortable knowing another woman was contributing to my child's life more than I was. But this BM is perfectly happy to sit back and let me pick up the slack."
My SSs' BM is exactly the same. She works as little as possible for minimum wage. She is supposed to pay $80/mo in CS and 65% of unpaid med bills and she is behind on support and hasn't paid a dime in unpaid med bills. She too will not buy anything! Has actually sent DH a text saying the boys need socks, underwear for here (her house). She texted once that she didn't have any food in the house for her Wednesday visitation and could DH send out a couple frozen pizzas with the boys when she picked them up ( worst part...he actually DID it. I was pulling into the drive and see my skids walking out of my home with a grocery bag with food and I walked in a little pissy...okay a lot pissy and ripped his ass a new one. Because I will be DAMNED if I am buying groceries for HER) DH actually had to go to mediation and have the FOC actually tell her it is NOT his responsibility to supply clothes for the kids for YOuR house. She has told my skids to ask dad or hanging because she makes more money than her. Yeah...because I busted my ass through college and have had a fairly successful career...I did have three kids, that I support...I did NOT birth your two and you should be supporting them with their father....I am not part of the equation. To show how dumb she is, when she was ordered to pay the big $80/month in support (she has her kids TEN days) she said to the judge...his WIFE makes a lot more money than I do. There two incomes are soooo much more than mine, why do I have to pay anything? The judge looked at her and shook his head and said "His wife's income does not count. These are your children and when you have children you are expected to support them. Right now you are paying the very minimum I can order you to pay, I suggest you find a full time job as there is no reason you can't work full time, even if it means two jobs". She was PISSED! Lol
I did this in my first family because my late husband would spend every dime. We were a nuclear family. Everything was split and I even bought a house without him on it and he had to sign a deed to not be on the title.
Trust me, separate finances are the best if everyone is working and has a decent income. No fighting!!!
I think your plan is great, and sounds like it's working out well having things separate. If it were me, I might make one minor change and that would be to split the raise into thirds. A third extra toward the house, a third for savings and a third for your son. Even if the portion for BS doesn't get spent on him directly. Put it in a college account or savings account. Seems like your son should benefit too from your hard work and raise, not just the joint account. Just my 2 cents though obviously!
Sounds like you guys have a solid thing going, very smart to keep it separate and everyone accountable!
Comments
I just got a substantial
I just got a substantial raise at work which now puts my salary almost equal to DH’s salary. DH and I keep separate accounts (checking and savings) and we have joint accounts (checking and savings). Each pay period we deposit money into the joint account to pay the household bills. Just for numbers sake let’s say DH contributed $500 a pay period and I contributed $400 (because I made less money . .about 10 grand less) into the joint account . . .anything left over after paying bills is shifted into the joint savings account.
DH’s child support is not configured within our joint budget. He contributes his $500 and child support, gas etc he needs for the month is paid for out of the funds left over in his separate account and I do the same (although I don’t pay child support). To be honest I don’t even know how much CS he pays. Now because of my raise he keeps throwing subtle hints about the extra money in my paycheck and how we need to restructure how we are doing this.
Just FYI when we got married (3 yrs ago) I thought everything would be together and joint and he wanted to split the accounts this way. In hindsight I think it’s because I made less money and I have a BS14 that I receive no support for. He was trying to make sure that he didn’t get taken (trust issues). I pay everything for my BS14 out of my personal accounts. I have never tapped the joint accounts for vacations with my BS, school clothes, lunch money, Christmas gifts, etc. Anything BS14 needs I take care of. It has been hard for me to save in my personal accounts until now. With that being said DH is always pissed when he has to take care of (outside of child support) SD14 out of his personal accounts. He would love to be able to tap into the joint accounts but because I have kept it so clean (and he can’t say I took out anything for BS) he has no leg to stand on and that’s the way I intended it to be.
I plan to increase my contribution to the joint account to $500 to match DH’s and be done with it. The extra funds from my raise I intend to save in my personal account. Here’s the funny thing . . .a couple of months ago I went to DH and asked him to sit down and take a look at our funds and see if we could be contributing more to the joint accounts. I knew that I could by at least $100 (and I know he could have too). My suggestion was because the household bills were increasing (especially groceries). He looked at me like I had two heads and quickly changed the subject.
So what say you STEPTALK . . . is my plan flawed?
There's nothing wrong with
There's nothing wrong with your plan. It sounds fair to your husband. You will continue to be one taking care of your son.
We have separate everything.
We have separate everything. We have a combined savings that we only use if we are saving for something.
DH pays the bills and I give him half every month. He makes more money than I do about 25% last year. I don't care. I pay for my kid, you pay for yours. We fully vest our retirement accts and maybe someday will combine funds, but not until these kids are out of college.
I am not on this mortgage and so I do not pay half the mortgage. The difference is I pay for two vacations a year - housing only and we split the rest. I have another house that I pay for and actually make a profit on with rent.
Now, that said, I am about to double my income within the next month due to a deal I have been working on. He looked at me the other day and asked about profit sharing with my business. I laughed and said we will see. I think the difference for us would be that I will just pick up some more dinners instead of splitting them and maybe paying for some of the extras. But, that is it. Profit sharing, my ass. I worked my ass off in this business and I will do what I want, no more, no less.
I say stop the joint savings and do your own savings. He can do his own. If you want something big, then save for it equally.
I totally agree with the
I totally agree with the joint savings. I swear everytime there's a dime in there he can think of something to buy with it (most of the time for SD). Also we've almost got DH's car paid off. I suggested that we take that almost $500 car payment and stick it into joint savings. His car is in good shape (looks good and everything). His response was that he wants another car. He works and he wants to ride nice. WHAT! I won't be putting my name on another car anytime soon, he'll have to go it alone on this one. I drove my last car for 11 years until I HAD to get a new one.
LOL. He had no clue I was
LOL. He had no clue I was working on a promotion to management. If we didn't work for the same company I would not have even told him about my raise.
We keep separate accounts
We keep separate accounts too. I wanted it that way because of his CS.
I prepare a spreadsheet every month to calculate how much each of us needs to put towards combined expenses. It's based on a percentage of our combined income. My husband's income fluctuates a bit every month. So for example (these numbers aren't accurate), if he makes $10,000 and I make $5000, then he pays 2/3 of the household expenses that month and I pay 1/3. If we both make $5000 then we each pay for half of the shared expenses that month.
I think your system is fair.
This is what we started doing
This is what we started doing a few months ago. I feel a lot better with it like this because I don't like feeling like I'm subsidizing his child support especially when it seems more like alimony when you know most of it isn't going to benefit the kids. When the kids don't have clothes or what they need for school and BM gets $2500 per month, you know what the money is going for - BM's new car.
Absolutely. I don't think I
Absolutely. I don't think I should have to pay for my husbabd's mistake (having a child with a greedy, lazy, entitled bitch). We know the CS goes towards BM's truck payments. I pay for my own vehicle.....I don't need to pay for hers too.
I heard that minimum wage (in Alberta) is going up next month. That means BM is getting a raise! Maybe she'll start contributing to her daughter's life now.
dup
dup
^^^^ He's been more excited
^^^^ He's been more excited about my promotion and raise than I have. All week (we got paid today) he's mentioned my new pay amount. He's an accountant and he makes around the same thing now so it's no secret. I just stay silent and when I go to the bank and deposit into the joint account for bills he'll see the difference and have his response
Thanks for your responses. I
Thanks for your responses. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable. Funny thing if BM and SD weren't such greedy heifers I would have put my money with his long ago. I know he wants to now. Right now he has no problem telling them no because it directly effects HIS bottom line. As soon as we start joining he'll see two incomes and let them have at it.
Also I will add that when CS
Also I will add that when CS stops in 4 years for SD14 I will consider combining our finances but only if he acts right. LOL
Be careful. Once she's 18,
Be careful. Once she's 18, you have to worry about college, wedding and grandbabies.
^^^^^THIS^^^^^ I would never
^^^^^THIS^^^^^
I would never have a joint account (or get married for that matter) with a man who has children. It's NEVER over. There will ALWAYS be something for his previously enjoyed family that he wants to raid YOUR wallet for.
The old saying "What's mine is mine and what yours is mine."
:sick:
I too might get promoted and I'm scared to death that it will be thrown back in my face by Chef or he will continue to think that money grows on trees (even MORE so)
I've had to say something to Chef about it because the possibilty has made my jealous co-worker (who is on the verge of retirement) give me the cold shoulder.
nope, ur plan is perfect. my
nope, ur plan is perfect.
my only difference is that we both pay half of the cost of the roof over both our heads.
dh and i pay equal amounts into joint checking for all regular, revolving bills. however, we also include our savings accounts as a bill. this covers vacations, christmas/bdays, any potential extra household expenses (like if the diswasher breaks), and general $ stockpiling (possibly for future down pymnt on a house). i like this way of doing it, it works with us- i have no kids, but we've got all 3 of his fulltime; the difference is i LIKE my skids and have no problem funding half of bdays/xmas/clothes. the rest of the stuff (household emergencies or vacations) benefits me also, so no prob w/ half of that either. but to me savings is a bill just as much as the mortgage or car insurance.
i think you have the best plan for your circumstances - both evenly contribute to bills, each seperately care for your own kids. i dont see what he's got to complain about!
Sueu - I think the problem is
Sueu - I think the problem is that he's afraid that I'm going to be saving more than him when in reality my BS14 is just as expensive as SD14. He'd like for us to put all of our surplus into the same pot now when it was his plan in the very beginning to split everything. I thought it was ridiculous to have 6 bank accounts between us but now that we've been doing this for 3 almost 4 years I like it better this way.
So, this makes me think. Is
So, this makes me think. Is this the way it would be if it were a nuclear family we were talking about? Sometimes I hate the fact that things have to be so divided between my husband and I just because there are children from other past relationships involved.
Almost. . .I don't like it
Almost. . .I don't like it but it's the way it is. I started out all roses and sugar but then I realized wait a minute . .the BM is looking at me like a cash cow, even going so far as to not buy her daughter underwear (bras) because as she put it we were in a two income household. Well there are two incomes her's and DH's mine should not be included. I was a single parent receiving no child support for my BS14 before I met and married DH. I have alwasy taken care of him. I never had the luxury of telling him to just go ask someone else. I survived and thrived.
BM cheated on and abandoned DH . . .divorced the man and he didn't even know he was divorced. When I picked him up she saw her opportunity and moved 1000 miles to where he was with SD now 14. She had no clue that he had started over and we were on the verge of getting married. Talk about pissed. She was having a hard time where she was and decided to leave her extended family and moved to where he was. She knows his weakness is SD and he works very hard to take care of her and show her love but she is her mother's daughter and likes to use and abuse just like momma. I want no part in that and work very hard to distance myself from it.
Jmom, I totally understand
Jmom, I totally understand where you are coming from. The BM in my life has also trained her daughters to always ask Daddy because she will not contribute to things they want, let alone things that they actually need. I would get mad because DH would foot the bill on EVERYTHING and when I would say anything about it he'd say, "Almost, their mom doesn't have any money!" Ummmmmm, yeah she does. She would just rather pay for herself first.
I get it though. You work hard. And there is no reason for why that woman should consider YOUR income for HER child.
My SD's BM is the same. She
My SD's BM is the same. She doesn't think she needs to contribute financially either. She sees my income as something that should go towards her daughter because of what I do and how much money I make compared to her. I don't get it. I would never be comfortable knowing another woman was contributing to my child's life more than I was. But this BM is perfectly happy to sit back and let me pick up the slack.
"I would never be comfortable
"I would never be comfortable knowing another woman was contributing to my child's life more than I was. But this BM is perfectly happy to sit back and let me pick up the slack."
QUOTE OF THE DAY!
Thanks!
Thanks!
My SSs' BM is exactly the
My SSs' BM is exactly the same. She works as little as possible for minimum wage. She is supposed to pay $80/mo in CS and 65% of unpaid med bills and she is behind on support and hasn't paid a dime in unpaid med bills. She too will not buy anything! Has actually sent DH a text saying the boys need socks, underwear for here (her house). She texted once that she didn't have any food in the house for her Wednesday visitation and could DH send out a couple frozen pizzas with the boys when she picked them up ( worst part...he actually DID it. I was pulling into the drive and see my skids walking out of my home with a grocery bag with food and I walked in a little pissy...okay a lot pissy and ripped his ass a new one. Because I will be DAMNED if I am buying groceries for HER) DH actually had to go to mediation and have the FOC actually tell her it is NOT his responsibility to supply clothes for the kids for YOuR house. She has told my skids to ask dad or hanging because she makes more money than her. Yeah...because I busted my ass through college and have had a fairly successful career...I did have three kids, that I support...I did NOT birth your two and you should be supporting them with their father....I am not part of the equation. To show how dumb she is, when she was ordered to pay the big $80/month in support (she has her kids TEN days) she said to the judge...his WIFE makes a lot more money than I do. There two incomes are soooo much more than mine, why do I have to pay anything? The judge looked at her and shook his head and said "His wife's income does not count. These are your children and when you have children you are expected to support them. Right now you are paying the very minimum I can order you to pay, I suggest you find a full time job as there is no reason you can't work full time, even if it means two jobs". She was PISSED! Lol
I did this in my first family
I did this in my first family because my late husband would spend every dime. We were a nuclear family. Everything was split and I even bought a house without him on it and he had to sign a deed to not be on the title.
Trust me, separate finances are the best if everyone is working and has a decent income. No fighting!!!
Oh I see. In that case I can
Oh I see. In that case I can see where separate finances would be good.
I think your plan is great,
I think your plan is great, and sounds like it's working out well having things separate. If it were me, I might make one minor change and that would be to split the raise into thirds. A third extra toward the house, a third for savings and a third for your son. Even if the portion for BS doesn't get spent on him directly. Put it in a college account or savings account. Seems like your son should benefit too from your hard work and raise, not just the joint account. Just my 2 cents though obviously!
Sounds like you guys have a solid thing going, very smart to keep it separate and everyone accountable!