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Sad...Frustrated...but Hopeful!

jlot's picture

I know some of you fine ladies and gentlemen do not wish to have any kids with your SO - and I totally get that - I never wanted kids, was married before and never attempted to have them. Now I want one...sigh.

Now I am in my thirties - mid thirties - and my DH and I have been trying for about 9 months without success. Probably not a long time, but I am frustrated because I know that this situation is probably my 'fault' (couldn't think of a better word) he has kids with 2 other ladies, so it's not him, it's probably me. I know that he is okay either way, because he has two daughters, and I know I will be too, but right now, I am just frustrated. I am sure it will work as it should. I just don't see having Stepkids the same as having your own. I don't think my DH gets that. Oh well. I was just feeling a little down today about this whole baby thing. I will just keep trying - that's the fun part anyway Smile

Hope the rest of you are having a good day!

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

I found that when I quit "trying" so hard it happened out of the blue and I have alot of friends who had it happen that way as well. Heck one friend of mine did 2 failed en-vitro's, did hormone therapy for years and then finally gave up, figured she just wasn't meant to have a baby..... and a couple months later got pregnant on her own, totally out of the blue and had beautiful twin boys.

I got pregnant with my BS who is now 13 months old at 38 and had him 2 weeks after my 39th birthday, so you still have plenty of time girl!

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

I would not think that it has anything to do with "age"- trust me there.
I think that sometimes a couple might be more compatible in that dept. than other couples is all.

I will tell you that I am "fit", but was nearing 39 and 40 years of age with my last two (final) pregnancies, all within one year, with one partner. :O ( <---- that was the look on my face.)

I do have a BD20 who was concieved in only one night. :O ( <--- my face again.)

Everytime I seem to even put myself out "there" for even one time, I got preggo. I finally found out that my DH carries Tay Sachs, which caused my miscarriage. DH has been "fixed" as I was afraid of STAYING pregnant through my 40's even. ( there is a set of twins born to my 48 year old great-grandmother!) :O <---- I bet that was the look on her face, as well.

Anyways, it does not matter so much the age as your health (and your partner) Don't let anyone fool you with nonsense. It seems like that when we do not think about it happening or do not want it to happen, "poof!" prego!!!!

Baby Dust To You!!! Smile

As you say, have lots of fun while trying, that is indeed the "best" part!

jlot's picture

Thanks ladies for the encouragement Smile I will keep trying -it's fun anywho! Ha.

alwaysanxious's picture

Hi! I am in the same boat. I was never sure if I wanted to actually have a child (adoption would have been fine), but now I want one so bad and I am so impatient at 34. We have been trying for 6 months. Its really frustrating so I completely understand. There is a site called fertilityfriend.com that has been really helpful for me. You can track ovulation and chat with the ladies there going through the same thing.

Just because your DH had kids before doesn't mean a thing. Weight, diet, stress, age etc can change his fertility. It does really take time though. I don't think you should be worried yet about you or him. A lot of people take up to a year. I've spoken to a reproductive endocrinologist. There is a 20% chance of getting pregnant any given month (and that's if everything is done right-- right time of month and both your bodies do what they are supposed to). So don't worry yet.

Good luck and feel free to message me sometime. Its nice to find someone on here dealing with getting pregnant while step-parenting. That can cause issues all on their own.

z3girl's picture

I just turned 34 and I'm finally pregnant with my first child. DH and I have been trying for FOUR YEARS! It's the most frustrating because he already has a kid. After the first 6 or so months of trying, I went to the doctor and just assumed it was completely my fault. After a bunch of not so fun tests, we found that I don't ovulate regularly, but it's something a simple pill can fix. Our big problem was actually DH...he has almost a non-existent sperm count! And he has no clue why. No illnesses or injuries. When I get angry at him, I would love to say to him that I bet SD isn't even his, but that wouldn't help anyone. Anyway, we were told IVF was our only option, and our insurance didn't cover it. He refused to finance what should happen naturally. So we went to the Czech Republic last May and I had a round there. We had an amazing vacation and the full procedure at the fraction of the cost. It didn't work, but I have no regrets. So our insurance changed and it covered one round here. As I was getting ready to start that round, I got pregnant naturally! We were told we had less than a 3% chance of conceiving naturally if I ovulated regularly! Our son is due in 8 weeks!!

The stress of the infertility was so much harder since I am with a man who already has a child. And as the years were going by, not only was I getting older, but he's 15 years older than me and was less and less keen on the idea of having more children. Thank goodness that since I got pregnant, he is now happy and excited about it.

I feel your frustration but never give up! If this is what you want, it will happen! I've gone to countless specialists trying to find someone to help us for less money, and eventually it worked out.

Like FedUp posted, I also used a web-site to track my cycles before going to the dr. I used www.fertilityfriend.com I also used a ClearBlue fertility monitor. Good to know everything you can about your cycles before going to the doctor.