So glad I found this place
I am not even sure where to start. I have 3 teenage SK. SD16, SS16 and another SD 14.
One of my biggest regrets in life was getting involved with and marrying my DH. I moved into his house and feel like I am an intruder. His kids hate me, and they have since we got together. His mom and the BM have made it clear I have no authority over them and they don't have to listen to me.
We have had DCFS show up at our door because they lie to so many people. Everything they told the social worker was a lie and we were able to prove it. They said there was no food in the house, the didn't have toothpase or shampoo and that thier rooms were flooded. That was just a few of the lies they told. I told my d DH that if DCFS showed up again, I would leave. I am not going to jail because his kids lied to authorities.
Because I don't make as much as I used to, I cannot afford even a small apartment so I can leave him. He spent every penny that I had on his divorce and the useless custody battle. He complained and bothered the child support people so much that a judge let her stop paying child support and now he has to pay support. Even though they are a 50/50 split. I pay for their health insurance and now the 14 YO needs braces. He came to me with that the other day and I told him I don't know where the money would come from. Perhaps he should get a part time job or their mom can finally get a full time job.
He also expects me to discapline and deal with them as if they are my kids. Well, I don't want to anymore. (Ugh that makes me sound like a monster). If I try to punish them, he does not back me up. And he returns what ever I took or lets them do whatever they want.
To add insult to injury to this entire situation, my husband cannot have an adult discussion with me about anything. If I bring him a problem that I am having with HIS kids, I often get the response "What do you want me to do about it". Just typing that makes me angry. Then if we continue to talk, he always screams at me. Every single time we have a discussion about anything serious. And then, HE CRIES. A grown ass man cries because he doesn't want to deal with what ever we happen to be discussing.
Among other things, his mother is a complete monster. I have not spoken to her since October of 2014. I told him I dont want her in the house and he doesn't care. So I leave when she is around.
We also have not had "relations" in 18 months. He gets all butt hurt because I really dont want to show him any affection. And if we try and discuss it, he has a tantrum like a 2 year old.
Almost every day I consider suicide. I have no way out of this situation. I am trapped with three kids that are complete assholes and a man baby. I have considered running away. Pretty much living on cash jobs and hiding from him forever. I am so unhappy and I just don't know where to go or what to do. My resentment grows everyday.
If you read this, Thank you. This is the first time I have truely vented about this entire situation. There is more to it, but I dont want to write a novel about my bad marriage. Any encouragment is welcome.
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Comments
Sounds like you definitely
Sounds like you definitely need an exit strategy.
Do you have family that you
Do you have family that you can stay with, a friend? Anything has to be better than living in this environment where you want to take your life. Please look into getting on a waiting list for affordable apartments and/or renting a room for now. If you continue living like this your health will suffer. No one is worth subjecting yourself to this.
Sending you strength!
I really dont have anyone to
I really dont have anyone to stay with. I also won't leave without my dogs. And where I live its almost immposible to rent with pets. Maybe part of me is just afraid to leave? And since he has crippled me finanacially I am not sure I can even rent an apartment. Its just really bad. And I think that is why I come to the conclusion of why do any of this?
Stop
Stop doing anything, try to find a better/second job, save every penny. Eat outside the house and don't buy any groceries anymore. Save, save, save and leave. And never think about ending your life because of some a-holes. Good luck, stay strong !
You are not stuck. You are
You are not stuck. You are just in a dark place right now. There are resources available to help you get a better place.
Contact a local women's shelter. Abused women (you are being mentally and emotionally abused) get placed at the top of housing assistance lists. The workers there will find and pay for an affordable apartment. They will also provide you with a therapist.
Reach out for help.
You know I never considered
You know I never considered he was a narcist. For some reason I attract them. lol
So when he says to me "I cant fix it, I need your help" that is another way to manipulate me? He thinks that I can fix his depression and anxiety. Not a day has gone by when he hasn't complained "My head hurts, Im sore from work or Im tired." Then he get mad when I roll my eyes at him because he said that 4,000 times before.
I did leave him once before and he came home to the two dogs gone and some stuff gone. He would not let me stay away for one night. He fought me and wore me down until I agreed to come back. And then he got drunk and called my adult daughter to come and sit with him. I had a storage locker and was ready to leave but he guilted me into coming back.
And yes I had to cash in my 401k so he could get a new lawyer to keep the kids more. He pays no attention to them and they only come out of their rooms when there is food on the table and then the go back to their rooms. He spends the most time with his phone. I have never seen anything like it. He says I never spend any time with him, but I am home and he is on his phone. We can't even go to the store for an hour without him getting on the damn thing.
I guess I need to start looking for some resources again. Thank you for the encouragement.
Yes, you need to get out,
Yes, you need to get out, very quickly. This is a bad situation.
I agree, he is a user.
I agree, he is a user.
There is ALWAYS hope
Dont give up - there is always hope. Do not despair - these cretins are so not worthwhile.
He wore you down and he gaslighted you and you must have felt that being wanted by him was something of value.
You must VALUE yourself. Do not fall for his gaslighting. You are his meal ticket, his rock to lean on, his "mommy". It sounds like he needs you more than you need him.
I know that your puppies are a concern. I know it is hard to rent with dogs. Can you foster them temporarily? And then get yourself your own bank account if you havent already. Disengage from skids and "h". Leave them to their own devices completely. Dont do a single thing for them. Focus on YOU and getting YOU out of there with your fur kiddos.
Im sorry you are going through this - it sounds horrible.
(((((HUGS))))))
(((((HUGS))))))
Ok, you have an adult daughter.
Can you ask her if you can stay with her? Tell her you will right up simple contract and pay your portion of rent. Give her 2 or 3month departure date. That should give you enough to save for 1st and last months rent on you own separate spot. Tell you that your plan is to NOT trouble her but you need a place very VERY short term.
DO NOT hint to dh that you are planning your exit. Start taking stuff out of your place when he is not there and rent a storage spot.
I was able to get a TON of stuff out right under my ex's nose. Shoved in my trunk day in and day out. It was amazing what can be done....I was proud of myself. if you don't mind me saying.
Get a part time job...FOR FUN and for cash. Heck a quick source of very good cash is waitress or bartender. I know I know...may not be your style. But at 25.00 to 30bucks an hour cash in your pocket....and on paper 2.15 or what ever your state give claims you make. Its a win win for a temp purpose. OR ask for overtime????
I am so sorry your going thru this.
My daughter just moved in
My daughter just moved in with us for a while since she lost her place to stay. I wish she still had her own place.
What??
He spent your money on a divorce and custody battle?? Why the hell would you give him 1 cent towards this it was not your problem or battle. Then he has the hide to come to you and go HIS daughter needs braces so F@$&iIN WHAT that his problem stop handing your money out. He decided to have kids get divorced why are you paying for his mistakes. He should be lucky your even married to him not the other way around.
That the thing these guys Rock up with all this baggage ex wife's brat kids CS bills god knows what else. And your the lucky one to have them. Like there gods gift and got it all going for them. Stand up women there the lucky ones for having you and you putting up with all there bull.
You know what you do don't worry about his family bull crap go get a better paying job save up dont give any of them 1 cent just pay for your own stuff and get the hell out of there or find a friend or someone to room with if it too hard on your own cut your losses.
If he doesnt like it too bad he can find some other fool.
Dont waste your life.
Please please please stop
Please please please stop giving him/them so much money. It’s his responsibility- is there a way you can say you can’t afford as much any more for x,y,z reason (and squirrel it away in a secret bank account).
Please look after yourself, no one is worth that amount of stress.