You are here

OT - not everything is about you

ITB2012's picture

I am having problems getting something reimbursed. I verified ahead of time how to pay for it/expense it, I followed the directions given to me by a customer support person, found out the directions were apparently incorrect, followed the new directions, and was rejected.

I got the email this morning that it was rejected. DH knows the saga so I went to him for some sympathy and started to tell him about the rejection. What I got from him were defensive responses, like I was attacking him. I said nothing about him, no comments that he had anything to do with it, that I expected him to fix it, nothing. I did not mention him or infer he was involved. Nada.

This happens all the time. Everything is personal. Almost every conversation goes off the rails because it's about him, about him in general, and that he is bad.

I stopped and told him that all I was looking for was sympathy and perhaps he should take a second to assess what is said to him before he takes it personally. Then I asked him if I had said anything about him or personally attacked him.

Surprisingly he paused, said no, and formally said that he would take my advice to pay attention to what is being said.

One step forward.

Comments

Merry's picture

That would drive me nuts. 

My DH would tell me how to handle whatever I was frustrated with. I finallly got him to understand that all I wanted was somebody to listen. If I wanted help I’d ask. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Sounds familiar. Amazing how things that had nothing to do with XH2 would set him off like I personally insulted him. Smdh

Mrs Fireball's picture

He frequently assumes you're attacking him, or you have ulterior motives when you're just trying to have a mature conversation.

For example, the house renovation - he assumed your change of heart was because of your BS. Conversely, do you think he put off the renovation because it was something you wanted for your BS (and his sons too) to enjoy? It's bizarre that he assumed that was your thought process.