You are here

Am I supposed to be DHs Disney wife?

ITB2012's picture

I am beginning to wonder if the way to describe DHs attitude toward my role in this “family” is that he wants me to be his Disney wife. That thought popped into my head today when I asked about his latest defensive and angry response to a question about the skids. 

My thought is based on two recent things (and a host of old things). First, he was totally fine with me calling the skids out about the crap “gift” they got him. Second, all I did was ask what the schedule was for these last few days of break and expressed mild surprise that they were going back to BMs earlier than I thought since this is skid weekend. He got super defensive about how relaxed he and BM are about the schedule [now, there is a history of competition for equal shares of days] and various other statements about how nice the skids are and such (we usually end up there even when there’s no reason to go there). 

It suddenly hit me that I’m supposed to be his Disney parent/wife and I should defend him against any badness, even if it’s from his own kids, but only say good things about him and the skids and make it all fun and never hold anyone or expect anyone, including  him, to any manners, good behavior, house rules, or the things they themselves say. Oh but I do have to hold my BS to rules and expectations or any flexibility there will be used against me.

I can only do fun things and think everything is wonderful, unless I have to save them from feeling bad feelings. Including DH.  

Comments

Valkyrie's picture

I can identify with a lot of things you're saying. Disney parenting seems to contain at least some narcissism in that think they are great parents by 'making kids happy' rather than parenting. It seems as long as we keep our mouths shut then we have a 'perfect relationship' as long as we agree with them in everything they say and do. They do whatever they want whenever they want to and expect no consequences but somehow there's a different set of rules for us which is extremely hypocritical. The instant you bring up some improvements that could be made, you become the enemy with catchphrases like 'you hate my kids' or 'it's always something with you'. I'm starting to believe they don't actually want an equal partner or proper relationship but rather just someone who thinks they're as wonderful as they think they are.

ITB2012's picture

that it is not about the skids bad feelings but about whether he may have bad feelings like: not letting them do something (he has actually stated that now that my memory is jogged), or whether he thinks there may be bad feelings toward him if they are held to something. And I knew that piece, I just didn’t have as part of the new definition of Disney wife. 

tog redux's picture

YES, Disney parenting is totally selfish.  To make themselves feel good, these parents damage their kids for life and destroy their chances of being functioning human beings.

Jcksjj's picture

Omg yes. My DH defaults to "you hate my kid" all the time to try to end discussing anything with SD and to take the blame off of him or her and put it on me. 

thinkthrice's picture

old chestnut!!!

CANYOUHELP's picture

He cannot be a man and he certainly does not want a wife with more backbone than his own....but he has one. Do not let him change you; you look out for yourself and your own happiness. Do whatever it takes, if it means correcting the snowflakes, they likely are wayyyyy past needing some redirection. Most of these men have no clue how to parent, though they love to be called dadddeeee--maybe that is why.

susanm's picture

Of course!  In a Disney house, quality of life is judged by the short-term "happiness" of DH and the skids.  Are they eating what they want, watching what they want on tv, being given what they ask for, and saying any nasty thing that comes into their head without being given so much as a dirty look?  Are there no chores, no need to discipline the adorable little angels, and the freedom to give BM her way in all things so that her wrath is avoided?  Ah - happy home!  Raising productive adults who can function as adults in society?  Making the second marriage work when the first one went up in flames?  What on earth are you talking about?  The important thing is having children smiling for the next 5 minutes!

 

thinkthrice's picture

that spoiled children are NEVER happy, always "depressed" jaded "bored" entitled etc.  These disney parents are guaranteeing a miserable life for their offspring.