Anybody out there have experience with NY child support?

Posting as a BM here. Long story but I have never filed for CS for DD16. I got a lot of help from my parents and we were ok. Fast forward, she's now 16 and I'm married to DH who has sizeable support obligations to his kids. We are just scraping by on our joint incomes. Meanwhile, my DD16's dad flies her first class to visit him.

So I think I'm filing. He lives in NY. I checked the guidelines online and the support amounts seem crazy high. Like 17 percent of income (after local taxes). Does anyone have any direct experience with NY? I'm finding these numbers difficult to believe. Thanks.

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Yes, 17% is correct. But I

Yes, 17% is correct. But I don't think you can file here. I think you need to file where you live.

I consulted an attorney a few

I consulted an attorney a few years back but never filed. He told me to file for custody in my home state, but support in the fathers state (ny). This was in order to force him to hire two separate attorneys. By I do not know if I filed in NY if they would follow support guidelines from my home state?

Many moons ago I used to do

Many moons ago I used to do payroll for a temp agency in NY. I would literally get a stack of child support orders from surrounding counties every week. Some of the guys had multiple orders and most were in significant arears. The max I could take from their pay was 40%. I couldn't even believe it... 40%???? Left a lot of those guys with chump change. I had one guy in my office crying wondering why is check was so small.

Trust me, I realize that THEY are the ones who couldn't keep it in their pants, but my Lord... I often wondered why they even bothered to work at all?

Interesting. 40 percent is

Interesting. 40 percent is bonkers. Yes I bear no ill will towards my ex whatsoever. But it's crazy I'm paying 3/4 of DD16s expenses, when he makes easily 3-4 times what I do. I'm just looking for something fair. That's why I thought 17 percent of gross income sounded high.

Well, if you have no ill will

Well, if you have no ill will towards him and he clearly has the means, why don't you speak to him FIRST before you take the steps to get the money thru the courts? You can ask him for an amount that you feel is fair and if he refuses THEN you drag his ass to court. Anyone who lives in NY KNOWS how the courts RAPE people here and he might prefer to deal with you outside of the court system.

I agree.... talk to him first

I agree.... talk to him first and maybe you can come to an agreement before you file and let NYS rape him. It's only for a couple of years, certainly couldn't hurt to ask.

Good question. I tried to ask

Good question. I tried to ask nicely a few years ago (back when I consulted the attorney). He insisted I itemize each and every expense, and refused to pay for things such as transportation, shelter, and utilities, as I used those things too. He insisted on splitting all other expenses 50/50, despite his salary dwarfing mine. He also called my parents to ask them to make me stop, and tried to enact a ridiculous custody schedule. I ultimately gave up. I WILL try to ask nicely again, but I doubt he'll react much different this time.

I think you should ask him

I think you should ask him again. Tell him your daughter is getting older, her expenses are higher and that you'd really prefer to come up with an amicable solution instead of having to deal with courts. If he insists on being a DICK then fuck it, drag him to court. He'll be begging for you to stop the courts from garnishing his wages. NY is a no holds barred system they will nail him to the wall.

I will definitely ask nicely.

I will definitely ask nicely. I'm all about Big Stick diplomacy.

He has maybe 10 days per

He has maybe 10 days per year. He is helping with her tuition, but she has a scholarship that covers most of it.

My understanding is that support is awarded from date I file. Dragging it out wont help, he'll just be in arrears. Support in NY goes to 21 (not that I agree with that). To say nothing of back support.

I agree our money issues are not my exes problem. But he is not even paying HALF her expenses. As to why I didn't file, I was an idiot.

Ok from NYCourts.gov: "If the

Ok from NYCourts.gov: "If the child resides outside of NY State,or in a county far from NYc, and the respondent lives in NYC, the custodial parent may file a petition in his or her home state or home county. The respondent will be served and required to appear in Family Court in his home county, while a lawyer from the New York City Law Department represents the out-of-state or out-of-county petitioner. The hearing is held in the same manner as supportcasesfiled within NYC."

Sounds like I file in home state and gets heard in NY.

Sorry it makes you feel ill.

Sorry it makes you feel ill. What makes me queasy is that he has paid a sum total of half of two years tuitions for her entire life. Period. And lives in a posh NY apartment with a doorman, indoor pool, and a live-in nanny. Meanwhile I pay the majority of DD's living expenses. Even if you don't agree with prorating based on income, surely at least 50/50 is fair?

Be careful. BM went to go for

Be careful. BM went to go for CS to DH and they wrapped paternity in the same case. This was when SD was 2. Anyways, they gave him like 33% custody & CS was a lot lower than she expected. She also didn't want SD to visit (she 'needs her mom 24/7').

On top of that, she had to meet halfway on exchanges. Before he was driving all the way. If you were never married, in our state, & you don't live where the child was born- you have to pay 1/2 transportation or meet half way to exchange the child.

Yes this is one reason I did

Yes this is one reason I did not file years ago. I was afraid of losing custody. However as DD is now 16 I don't think a judge would force her to spend significant time with an out of state father against her wishes. She rides the train solo to visit her dad so I wouldn't have to do that thankfully! But I'm sure he will make a play for custody. Frankly anything in terms ofCS is better than what I've been getting!

You could have to pay for the

You could have to pay for the train ticket one way & him on the way back or vise versa. Until she is 18 judge can still order visitation. it sounds unfair to her, but unfortunately these situations are hardly ever fair. However, it could be a good thing. He may actually want some parenting/bonding time, & they get to know each other better, & you get child support and a few kid-free weeks. I'd file in my own state if I were you. DH has to drive to BM's town every time they go to court & it's a pain in the ass, especially if he serves you in another year or so for something.

In our county in NYS, CS and

In our county in NYS, CS and Family court are two separate courts with CS being strictly handled by CS court magistrates and Family court handling the custody and visitation issues. From my experience, there's more than likely no risk of losing custody of your daughter at this point as by the age of 12, the courts (in our county at least) don't "force" kids to visit their dads and the kids can basically choose who they want to live with at that point.

BTW - NYS can force CS to be paid without the dad getting any visitation at all and the excuse of dad not getting to see a child (no matter what family court has decreed) is not an excuse for non-payment. I know this because husband's ex-wife moved around like a gypsy for years and DH didn't get to see MSD and YSD for a total of about 4 years since he didn't know where they were and no one would tell him. Since BM was on welfare, social services got a court order for CS and husband ended up in arrears - his defense of not knowing where his kids were or if they were even dead or alive meant absolutely NOTHING to the courts. (MSD almost died needing open heart surgery at the age of 5 and DH wasn't even notified of that until he got a bill in the mail from the hospital for non-payment when BM didn't pay and even the hospital couldn't track her down - courts didn't care)

What a crazy story! Your poor

What a crazy story! Your poor DH...

Hi ripley. Yes this is what I

Hi ripley. Yes this is what I will do. I am not some evil BM trying to get my hands on his loot I swear! His money is his, far as I am concerned but I do think he should pay a proportional share (or at least half for chrissakes) of what it costs to raise his kid. I'm guessing the NY percentage will work out to an astronomically high number and he'd be way better off settling. But he won't. Sigh.

I know it sounds crazy but

I know it sounds crazy but some men have NO IDEA how much it costs to raise a child. If you want to really be nice, you could give him a monthly list of your DD's expenses. Divide that # in half & tell him that is what you would like. It's only for 2 years, he may agree.

If you do this, though, only

If you do this, though, only include expenses that are for your DD ONLY. Don't include any part of expenses you would have anyone (mortgage, car note, etc). Things you can reasonably ask him to pitch in for? The cost of her education, clothes, food, medication, health insurance, extracurricular sports/activities, that sort of thing.

And I agree that it would be reasonable to ask him for the amount that you actually need instead of taking him to court if he's usually a reasonable upstanding guy.

As far as taking him to court, you have to file in the state that the kid resides in, and it's from the day you file. You won't get backed support. Nor should you.

Pretty sure I would get back

Pretty sure I would get back support. We don't have an existing CO in place. Not sure when statute of limitations expires on asking for back support but I believe it's two years after kid turns 18. As to why you think I shouldn't get any support for the past 16 years, well I guess reasonable people may disagree. I don't plan on asking for it however.

Also while I would have a mortgage regardless of DD, I'd have a mortgage for a house with one fewer bedroom. The difference, divided by half, is fair game.