Ten Year Update if anyone remembers me!!!!!
It has been ten long years since I have been on this website. I figured I would give an update and give everyone some hope.
Sorry if this is all over the place!!!
I started reading some of my old blogs and I cringed. I feel like I was being a petty a hole and of course at the time my feelings were definitely real but I still feel bad that I even felt that way.
I believe the last I talked about my SD was probably 17 or 18 and was graduating HS. She lived with us full time and we were not exactly on speaking terms. She moved out but took forever to get her stuff. She was moving into a college about 15 minutes away. DH told her not to waste all of her scholarship money living there but she did not listen.
DH missed her HS graduation because she insisted that BM be there and not me and he sit with her. I begged him to go anyway but he refused and I wish that he had gone.
So it was summer still and she would text DH about 10pm saying I am coming to get my stuff. He was like no you cannot do this so late at night. Days went on she shows up with the POLICE and her grandmother (BM's mother) and my mother in law. The mothers hated each other by the way so odd. Whatever she gets her stuff and leaves. We were not on speaking terms with DH's parents either because of the money stealing from his company, long story not sure if I ever blogged about it.
Long story short-she moves into college, doesn't last the year, gets kicked out for smoking pot and failing classes. Ends up moving in with DH's parents. BM constantly showing up to their house banging on the door saying crazy things.
Then we found out she moved in with a new boyfriend and this is where reality hits and we realize what life is really about.
It was 2017 and we just moved into a house we bought. 3am we get a knock on the door. It's the police saying his daughter was in a motorcycle accident and is not expected to live. Her boyfriend was killed instantly. I can't explain the emotions we were all feeling but mostly regret. Regret that we never made up. Regret that DH never called her no matter how much I begged him to.
She spent about 6 months in the hospital burned over 60 percent of her body but SHE LIVED!! DH and our youngest went to the hospital almost daily. BM tried to get him blocked but it didn't work. BM started a go fund me, raised about 20k then stole the money and none of it went to her. NOT ONE PENNY!!! My health insurance ended up covering every single bill. She did not have to pay a penny and it had to be hundreds of thousands. BM tried to text me but I shut her down and blocked her.
THEN BM brought a lawyer into the hospital and had her sign papers while she was basically in a coma. She signed over power of attorney to BM unknowingly. We think BM got all of the settlement money and gave SD only about 50k and said case is closed.
BM took her home from the hospital and had everyone feeling sooo bad for her. Night one she kicked her out of her house and told her she cannot deal with her. It was so sad.
Fast forward to today. I am extremely close with SD. We take her on all of our vacations. I can't imagine a time of not liking her. We talked about all of those years and it turns out each one of us was going through something emotionally that the other didn't know. So we all have our demons and problems and sometimes need to maybe be more understanding. She told me how she just wanted to kill herself and felt like her friends hated her during those years. She was so unhappy.
On my end DH business shut down, we were struggling financially. Just a lot happening.
Now we started a new business. I also got a great job making great money. My oldest is 21, she just moved out. My youngest just turned 15 and is doing so great. And the best part of this story is that we are all so close. The kids are so close. We all just went to dinner to celebrate mine and my youngest birthday. I want to cry just thinking about it. We are one big happy family minus crazy BM. And yes we are close with DH family again. Once the accident happened we all just forgot about the past and moved on and it was the best thing for everyone.
So maybe there is hope for everyone struggling in these situations. I hope so!!
- imjustthemaid's blog
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Comments
Wow, this makes me so happy.
Wow, this makes me so happy. I have given up hope and closed the door on my SS18... but maybe I should crack a window, just in case.
I'm so glad everything worked
I'm so glad everything worked out for you and your family!
I am happy to hear that the tragic event facilitated
Healing for you all.
Welcome back. It is good to see you.
That's great
That's great! I'm glad it worked out for you. It sounds like letting BM and SD's lives play out as they would, was good for SD. SD got to see what a turd her mom was, and she had to grow up a lot when she went through all that trauma of the accident. Here's to hoping it doesn't take a near death experience for my SD's to grow up and see what their mother is.
What a great update!
What a great update! So glad to hear things worked out for you. *give_rose*
When I joined almost 9 years ago, DH and I were in a rocky place and my relationship with the skids was not good. BioHo (the BM) was successfully pushing PAS and step-PAS with the SDs and wreaking havoc with the SSs. I was fighting for my marriage.
Today, DH and I are closer than ever and I have solid relationships with all of the skids. On the flip side, Bioho is estranged from two skids and has a shaky relationship with another. SD27 is the only one who has a decent relationship with her.
WOW!!!!
What a 10-years you have had!
Well, I am very very glad for you that things worked out.
Im less than 10 years in, and I definitely do not see things ever working out with Feral Forger SD24. No license no contact.
I can see things possibly working well down the line with SD17 Power Sulk, except BM isnt as dastardly as yours...Toxic Troll is only Toxic to me and Husband.
Just 11 months left for us.
Glad you came back to say howdy
Of COURSE I remember you!!
Of COURSE I remember you!! The towing business; SD always running back and forth between BM town, the grandparent's and your home; her being too lazy to walk down/up the driveway etc. I had a different user name then, but could totally relate to the stress you were under.
I'm so glad your step situation has resolved and you have peace now. And I hope BM gets her comeuppance soon.
It's so sad.
It's so sad.
It's only now, that she's probably disabled/disfigured, that her father decided to step up and take interest.
That's all there is to say, really.
What a cruel thing to say. Do
What a cruel thing to say. Do you know the OP and her family? Because that's a huge assumption about her husband.
I can see
I can see where you would have that, ahem impression:"Regret that DH never called her no matter how much I begged him to."
HOWEVER, there was a lot of super high conflict dysfunction and it sounds like everyone played their parts. SD was no angel, if you read her previous blogs. OP was extremely upfront about everyone having regrets and that all the hurts were healed and the fact that this happened as a result I dont feel is a "how sad Dad didnt step up until shes a melted pile of whatever" moment, its an "what a miracle she lived and everything turned around in their relationship" moment. I couldnt even imagine all the emotional upheavals that happend.
How terrible for SD her own mother used her in such a sickening fashion.
This just shows ten years
This just shows ten years later the trolls will still troll. Nothing changes LOL
But...I'm not trolling ma'am.
But...I'm not trolling ma'am. I genuinely see it that way.
Hey, imjustthemaid,
Hey, imjustthemaid,
I've just finished reading all of your past blogs, with great interest! It bugs me, that you're punishing yourself for past conflicts with your SD as she was behaving so badly that even Mother Theresa would have been hard pressed to tolerate her.
In the end, tragedy resulted in the entire family (apart from the awful BM) establishing a close bond of affection. BTW, is there any relationship between BM and her daughter? It amazes me, how mothers like BM manage to live with themselves; how could the woman justify stealing from her almost fatally injured child? Damn!
SD still talks to BM. We
SD still talks to BM. We call it stockholm syndrome LOL. She tells us horrible stories about her (just like in the past) but then will post nice things online saying she is great, just like in the past. I don't care. She is an adult. I just tell her all the time not to let your mother get you down and just see her for who she really is and she gets it. She knows her mom stole all of her money. BM was all over facebook saying poor me look at my daughter. The funny thing is she was never around, she didn't raise her. SD was on my health insurance when the accident happened. BM was definitely a drug addict that tried to hide it. We all know she was. SD claims she is doing so good. I honestly don't care what happens to BM. I stay far away from any of that.
I remember you!! I am glad
I remember you!! I am glad things have worked out. Check out my recent blogs for the updates on BabyVoice (we get along GREAT now), KarateKid (SAME) and ASS (he is still, well, an ass)
Yes I definitely will check
Yes I definitely will check your blogs out!!
My SD recently got hit by a
My SD recently got hit by a train, lost arm, hand, leg. We had hopes that it might be an epiphany for her, but she is back to her nasty bitch, drug addict ways. Husband is back to enabling her and I am back to practicing my disengagement. I fell of the wagon last night. He came home from staying with her and told me he had been arguing with her to pay her cable bill. She wouldn't do it, so he did it for her. I said, don't you think it would have been a good learning experience? You don't pay bill, Comcast shuts you off. Oh blah, blah, blah. Fees and so hard to turn back on, etc etc. she is almost 50, when exactly is she going to learn to be an adult? I guess he is just resigned to spending half the week living down there and letting her refuse responsibility. So no happy ending for this story. I am glad you got yours!!
OMG yikes hit by a train!!
OMG yikes hit by a train!! That sounds terrible and I can't believe nothing has changed after that.
Its sad that she only became
Its sad that she only became nice and pleasant after a near death experience and BM using her
Karma happens - good or bad
Its probably for survival purposes. When monkeys travel through trees, they pick the sturdiest branches to hang from for safety and survival...You are the sturdiest branch until she gets back to a fulfilled life and rings BM to have a heart to heart and unleash the crazy on you and your family
Hope everything works out for you in the long run no matter what
This is a reminder that there are some calm periods during the storm
I remember you!
Glad everything has worked out for you. Sucks about the go fund me and the POA. But your SD recovered, that's what's important. Enjoy your new life!
Never beat yourself up over hindsight viewing of past decisons.
We make decisions with the information we have at the time. Applying your current perspective to past decisions is a waste of your current happiness and does not change the past.
Ill behaved people at that time... were ill behaved. Whether they are ill behaved now or not.
Judging ourselves or history in hind sight is not something I do nor advise.
Take care of you. Enjoy your happy current life.
You’re lucky your sd had that realisation
Of what a conniving piece of shit she had as a biomum and in her time of need, biomum made it about her and stole money from her. Biomum is a lost cause and the very people sd had alienated and been horrible to, were the ones standing by her and helping her in her ultimate time of need.
sadly not enough skids come to this realisation. I'm so happy yours is one of the happy stories and it really sums up how those who aren't family behave more like family than our own bio families at times