Yeah, OSD used to tell BM who would then tell DH that she wanted "her stuff" she left at our home. It's allll bagged/boxed up, and DH said, come get it. Because he's not doing ANY special trips. It's all stored in the garage.

She destroyed all her sheets and I told DH I was not relpacing them. He never bought now ones. I am going to have to hide our sheets because no way in hell is she ever going to use them. Just in case she magically shows up. Which I doubt, but....if she wants something...

DH is also back to calling the newly re-done guest room "OSDs room" and I call him on it every time. It's the room she can stay in but it's no longer her room IMHO. He and I discussed this many times. I fear he will go straight back to Disney in about 0.5 seconds with her. Makes me ill when he talks about it sometimes.

skids would always claimed to have lost socks and other items of clothing at our house then ransack  the place only to find out it was in some heap of clothing and dog poo at the Girhippos house

When SD evacuates our place because she's being held accountable she doesn't even come back for her stuff. She sends BM or last time it was one of her friends that we had never even met.  We chose to not answer the door. 

I dunno, it's common for kids in a divorce situation to forget stuff in one house or the other.  I sometimes forget my lunch bag at work, does that make me super disorganized?

This seems kind of unfair to skids - the adults are the ones who make them live in two places, of course they are going to forget stuff now and then.

Sorry - unpopular opinion, I know.  I once had a job where I split time between two offices and I had to lug everything back and forth - and yep, sometimes I forgot stuff.

And OP, isn't less time with SD what you were hoping for?

Ss13 always forgets his homework at school and his activity clothes at BM houss.

Never looks hard enough for anything or pays attention to where he puts things. Never any consequences or coaching on how to do things at BM house. Interestingly has seldom forgotten/ lost anything important at our house where he is shown how to/where and then expected to follow through. Also if he cannot find it after putting it away in his room he is not helped to find it but has to do without. He learns real quick to put things where he can find them.

Maybe SD went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and closed the door. I don't care what time of day/night it is or even if I'm alone in the house  - I close the bathroom door. 

I am sure it is hard to keep track of things between two houses.  I totally get forgetting things sometimes.  With SD, it was a daily occurance for a long time, if she was here, she "had" to go to BMs for something, and vice versa.  Sometimes more than once per day.  It was a habit that seemed disruptive all the way around, someone was stopping what they were doing to drive her, she entered the other home in the middle of whatever may have been going on, whether they were expecting her or not, and it was teaching her that she didn't have to learn to be accountable.  It has been a little less frequent lately, but I have a feeling it will ramp up again once she gets her license.  It's hard not to find the coming and going irritating when this person does not treat your household or the people in it with respect.   If they did, I am sure those of us who are bothered  by it would probably be less bothered.  

No, she did not say it was every day. I was just explaining my point of view, and why some stepparents aren't so quick to chalk it up to just being part of divorced life. I think I have read before where OP has said her SD (and DH) haven't been sticking to a schedule, and it sounds like SD is not coming over as much.  When that has happened in my situation, it doesn't feel respectful to myself or DH, so I was thinking maybe that is why the coming to grab something might bother OP.  And then to have the disruption only to find out the item was at BMs the whole time.....I see why that would be annoying.  If things were normal with SD, I am guessing it probably wouldn't be as annoying, if at all

Last year, during football season, DH received a frantic call from SS that his football pants were at our house and he needed them that day for a game. I knew that they weren't because I had packed his gear bag myself and put it in DH's car myself and SS had taken the gear bag into BM's house with him. I told DH that the pants were at BM's house, not ours and told him how I knew they were at BM's house. BM sends a series of nasty texts telling DH that he is ruining SS's life and clearly he doesn't care at all about his child. Forty-five minutes later, BM sends a text saying "nevermind, we found them." Fire drill all for nothing....fire drill on DH's part, I ignored them because I knew I had sent every piece of football gear home with SS. BM's house is a mess, so there are many things that she has accused DH of stealing, when in fact, they are just somewhere in the pile of rubble that is her home. 

About six months later, the same thing happened with the other SS who left his golf clubs at our house. We didn't even know he had brought them to our house, because he came late with MIL and put them in the garage himself without telling DH. He then forgot them and BM sent a bunch of nasty texts asking DH how he was going to fix this problem that he created. Um, no, the kid is nearly in high school, if he can't be bothered to remember his own golf clubs then too bad for him. 

At the end of nearly every visitation, there is some mad dash at our house to find things. Periodically, I even get accused of hiding things on SSs (no need, since they are so careless with their possessions). It's so annoying to me, especially despite my repeated admonitions that I expect SSs to be responsible for their own things, both they and DH ignore me. This is one area where this SM has definitely started to disengage.