Feeling like the evil SM again
I am working today and asked DH what he is doing. He is hanging an extra TV from his shop in SD's room- instead of putting the baby's dresser together. SD hasn't been over in 2 weeks and we probably won't see her until he goes to court since he is ignoring BM and CPS hasn't been to our house yet.
Call me a witch but why in the hell is he hanging a TV in her room when we don't even know when/ if she's coming back? I put the crib together myself a couple weeks ago because I was off and needed the space for when the dresser got here. It's been here for almost 2 weeks and he's hanging a facking TV in SD's room..
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Next time
When he goes to work and you are home, move the TV to the baby's room. When he asks why, tell him you thought he was confused about what room he was supposed to be working in and helped him correct the problem.
The nursery needs to be in SD
The nursery needs to be in SD's room anyway because it's bigger and SD isn't even with us half the time anymore but it's a sensitive subject because of the CPS bull and SD got kicked out of her big room at BM's for the younger kids to share.
Does he realize you expect
Does he realize you expect him to put it together? He may figure you were going to do it since you did the crib. Sometimes we have to be specific.. use our words and ask for what we want.
"honey, can you put the dresser together today while you are off?".. then if he also hangs a TV.. so be it.. but your specific request should come first.
Yes he does. He said he would
Yes he does. He said he would do it and brought the drill home to get it done faster but has been slacking. He has been off the since Sunday and it isn't done. We can't do the baby's laundry to put it away until the dresser is together.
I think it's time for a
I think it's time for a specific request.. again.. not a "yeah.. I will do it".. is not good enough.. "I will do it Wednesday morning" is what he needs to say.. SPECIFIC date.. not some vague promise of getting it done... too easy to procrastinate.
I'll probably end up doing it
I'll probably end up doing it myself like I always do. I did the crib, what's a dresser with 100 more pieces?
Or... you could tell him you
Or... you could tell him you need it done on a specific date and hold him to it. Don't just martyr yourself out here.. In a way it's not fair to him either.. how is he supposed to know how much it means for him to follow through.. unless he is told that. I think we women sometimes assume that guys can read all our signals.. and they can't.
Signals???? Wait, there's
Signals???? Wait, there's signals ??????
Ya we suck at those but it sounds to me like he is more interested in doing for SD.
Hire a muscular college guy to put the dresser together, have him come over when you are both home and you just stand and watch him work, DH will get the next request done faster than you can think lol
Maybe bring said muscular
Maybe bring said muscular college guy drinks and snacks while he assembles, and ooh and ahh over his assembly skills. "My hero"!
Yeppers, that would do it !
Yeppers, that would do it !
This is hilarious!
This is hilarious!
sending you over the
sending you over the interwebs a big ol' POP to the back of your dh's head.
did you ask him directly "WTF, dh! why are you putzing around with the effing TV when you KNOW i really need that dresser put together? it hurts that you are more concerned with things other than what your WIFE asked of you...." i'd be curious to know what his response would be...
He isn't excited about it and
He isn't excited about it and told me so but with 5.5 weeks left, this baby can come at any time and I don't give a damn about SD who we probably won't even see for a couple months having a TV in her room that will not even be touched anyway!
It sounds like DH is in
It sounds like DH is in mourning for the loss of his child.
If you are due in 4-6 weeks, I think he has time to put the dresser together. Or you could put it together yourself, because it is not man's work, you are an empowered woman.
It's always something.
No, it isn't a man's work but
No, it isn't a man's work but I did the crib myself in an hour and he told me before the dresser even came in that he would put it together. This baby can come any day at this point although I hope not!
I totally understand your
I totally understand your frustration here. I have lots of home improvement things I want done and have told SO many times. However, if SD wants something done he jumps up right away and does it. No questions asked and whether he wants to do it or not. I ask and get excuses and gripping and complaining. I didn't get in this relationship to do everything myself. Yes, I can paint and I can assemble things but then why do I have a partner?! If I am still doing everything on my own so he can cater to a child that isn't there the majority of the time why am I even with him?!?! I basically told my SO just that. I told him I didn't care that he wanted to do nice things for his daughter and make her happy but why is it so hard to do what I ask without complaining and when I ask!?!? Why is keeping her happy more important than keeping me happy!?! Why can she ask 1 time and get pictures hung when I have had a painting sitting there for a year that needed hung?!?! He told me, "well she is more annoying when she wants something done"....really?!?! Okay, well I can show you annoying then.....
I think I'll have to start
I think I'll have to start taking that approach. It's just stupid because like you said, she's only with us half the time and who knows what things will be like when this CPS case is closed and how custody will resume? Our daughter will live with us 365 so *I* am much more concerned about her dresser.
I get it. That is how I feel
I get it. That is how I feel also. Guilty daddy syndrome is really annoying to witness. They get defensive so you have to tread lightly in how you word things. When I told him that he immediately started doing things I had asked for also.
Your nesting :)
Little words of advise from 1 wife to another. Men are very easy...Try this:
DH you did a great job with SD TV thingy. I know when SD see's it she will be soooo excited. Thanks for putting that up. Does that thing move around OR does it just stay put???? can you show me how it move around I was thinking do you think it's too much for me to ask you to put the babies XYZ together today?
Please don't be upset with him that he put his daughters TV thing together before the babies furniture. He is doing what he can for his daughter because everything else about her is falling apart.
I can't help but be annoyed
I can't help but be annoyed and now he's back at work so I doubt it's put together. It took 2 days of nagging him to go to the grocery store because I had two 12 hour shifts and I do not like shopping after being gone for 13 hours.
It’s about your approach. He
It’s about your approach. He is banking on the idea that you will just do it.,.. don’t. What I would do is just be annoying, Lol.... I would prob just put the babies stuff on his side of the bed- and then not say a word about it. If he tries to move it be like “what are you doing those are clean clothes and they are waiting to go in the dresser”. I’m a manager and pretty much what I found works is if you are getting consistent resistance is create a consequence that is more annoying than them not doing the task/behaviour. Call it passive agreasive but it works.... plus they are being passive aggressive by not doing what they are supposed to.
I remember long ago DH kept leaving his plates out.... so I let them pile up then I stacked them on his pillows. Hahaha.... all I heard was “$h!t” coming from the other room and it never ever happened again.
Espcially with a new baby coming you need to learn how to get what you need more. Whether it be through being ultra direct and more assertive yourself (not nagging, but assertive) or creating annoyances/natural consequences.