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Could DH be CP?

I love dogs's picture

After all of this CPS mess and BM keeping SD away? He isnt willing to coparent anymore and when this finally does go to court to be reviewed, he plans to take months and years of proof that he and BM just can't coparent together.

Just the other day when we he told me about the talk with the detective, I found out that SD was caught skipping her last period class a couple weeks ago and BM never told DH about it. DH found out from the vice principal after the fact. BM only wants DH to back her up when she can't handle a situation and never informs him of things like this.

I really don't want DH to retain lawyer but with all of this crap going on, it's the only way something will actually get done. DH thinks it's either him having SD 100% or BM although I think joint decision making is usually standard but BM doesn't care about that and never has.

Comments

tog redux's picture

No court is going to give either of them 100% custody, nor should it be suggested. She needs both of her parents. And he's unlikely to become CP in the BM-biased Family Court.

Personally, I think he should fight for 50/50 and accept that BM won't coparent, or take EOWE and don't bother trying to coparent. He's wasting his time if he's trying to get 100% custody and cut BM out entirely. He seems so frustrated with it all that EOWE makes more sense.

I love dogs's picture

He is very frustrated and I think minimal would be best but of course I'm the evil SM who would rather just have our "new" family and no skids.

Livingoutloud's picture

No one is going to give him or her full custody. No judge will deny child time with either parents just because grown ups can’t get along.

I love dogs's picture

I'm just trying to get a feel for what he should ask for. The current CO is every other Sunday 9-4 then Monday and Tuesday 4-6 for homework.

tog redux's picture

Go back to that CO and see how that goes. Stick with it until/unless BM is willing to put something else in writing.

Disneyfan's picture

Giving him time beyond what's in the CO speaks to her ability to coparent.  The reason why she does it really doesn't matter.

tog redux's picture

Well, those of us with a BM like this know it's all about CONTROL, but you are right, the court will see it as her graciously giving him more time than the court awarded him. 

tog redux's picture

So, why doesn't he just say, "I give up, let's go back to the original CO"?  That's basically giving her 100% control and custody (he will have about 12 hours per week with no overnights) and see how it goes?
 

 

Disneyfan's picture

How is it going in her favor if it results in him having mire time?

What is the end goal?  Is he trying to obtain as much time as possible or vilify BM?

I love dogs's picture

He didn't. BM kept coming up with excuses for him to not have them and he didn't have a lawyer. His hands have always been tied in court.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Your DH isn't any better of a parent than BM is. Their differences in poor parenting are just that - differences. They are BOTH failing SD, and it likely won't matter which parent she lives with because SD has the freedom to do whatever she wants.

You're right that nothing is going to change. Your DH is part of that problem, and it's a problem that won't be fixed with a CO.

I love dogs's picture

I know and I just want peace and want to know what to expect. It's been so nice not having SD around to be honest and after all of this, I'm sure visitation will be nothing less than awkward.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Sorry to say, but you won't have peace in this mess unless you disengage or your DH does a complete 180. He would rather be in a pissing contest with BM and SD than bring peace to his household.

Disneyfan's picture

Do you know if your husband is willing to take parenting classes?  Not just for SD, but for both of his daughters.

I love dogs's picture

He's already taken a COed parenting class and so did BM but you'd never know that by the continued bashing about DH she did to SD.

Disneyfan's picture

Why focus so much energy on BM?  Your husband is not a good parent.  Are the clases helping him?  When you are working or unavailable, can he be trusted to parent your child properly?

I love dogs's picture

Yes, I trust him to parent our child. He became a Disney dad because of the guilt of not being there everyday for SD anymore.

Disneyfan's picture

So in a week he has gone from I will sign my rights away, to I should have my child full time.

It's ridiculous to think BM is going to call and tell him every little thing.  If she dealt with the kid cutting class, and it hasn't happened again, then there was no need for her to call him.

The fact that she did call him about the sex ed class and gave him an opportunity to share his opinion and be involved with the final decision speaks to her willingness to coparent.  

He really needs to be careful here.  BM may also  be ready to go to court armed with proof that speaks to his past behaviors (drinking, dropping the ball on meds when the kid was sick....)

Instead of trying to screw BM on court why not simply try to get as much time with his daughter as he can?   Just say I want 50/50 because I love my daughter and want to have a more active role in her life.

 

I love dogs's picture

I'm honestly thinking that she will go in there and be very negative and I think he's expecting that, too. Hopefully she'll have a lawyer if he gets one so that something actually gets done.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Why is it up to BM to inform your DH about SD skipping school? While it would be nice for her to do so, he should be involved with the school and able to find out for himself. Doesn't SD's school offer an online portal for such things?

Your DH is not going to get full custody unless BM dies. Neither of these parents would win a prize, and I hope you'll finally be able to disengage when you have your own child. Leave them to it (unless it affects you financially). And please, please persuade your DH to take a parenting class with you. It will put you both on the same page, and maybe some of it will stick this time. Otherwise, you're in for a very bumpy ride trying to raise your own child.

tog redux's picture

Seriously, DH got at least 4 robo calls every day telling him SS had skipped classes.  lol.

Harry's picture

Where you can get your life destroyed,  Wher you could be in the newspapers, have a record for being investigated.  And you want her in your home to give her more time to make fake things up.  This kid should not be in your home until she gets real perfessional help. Like an MD. 

DH should see her outside your home in a public place. Where there people and camber so everything is on tape. I would be happy to never see this kid in my home ever again.  But since she a Kid. Only second thing I would do is let her back in after some time spent with a perfessional and they thinks it’s ok to do it 

I love dogs's picture

Believe me, I don't want her in my home anymore but unfortunately, I don't think that's realistic.

Disneyfan's picture

The girl didn't do anything to destroy the OP's life.  All she did was talk about what happened on Thanksgiving.  The girl didn't say her dad punched holes in the wall.  It sounds like BM tossed the lie into the mix.

 

I love dogs's picture

My thing is that now that this has happened, I will always be afraid of having my daughter and SD in the same house and I think DH knows that, too. Having BM and SD involved in our lives is a curse.

Livingoutloud's picture

It’s not BM job to inform dad when SD skipped school. Why isn’t he involved in SDs education? He can easily sign up to receive info from school and he does not need BM for that. All he needs is to care about his daughter. 

He will never get full custody as he isn’t involved in SDs life (she might be at your house a lot but he isn’t doing any parenting).

 

If he starts demanding, all he$$ will break lose, everything will come to the surface: substance abuse issues both pot and alcohol, leaving child home alone a lot while you two out partying, anger management issues, non involvement in her education, medical neglect etc etc No way no how he has any chance of full custody. And I doubt he’d get 50/50 either 

I love dogs's picture

Well I'm hoping he doesn't go to 50/50 because I don't even want SD at our house every other weekend.

Thumper's picture

To answer your question, Can DH be CP?

NOPE not unless BM is sitting in the back of a paddy wagon in handcuffs. Being in the clinker means that BM can not physically care for your sd. NOWWWW if you have a bm who is trying to be slick she will call her mother or someone she knows who will take and keep your sd until she is bailed out of jail which of course her family did for her.

Dad would not even know the arrest occured.

Based on true stories I have heard.

 

--figureditout--'s picture

My DH got primary physical custody when SD was 5, We were in a very momma friendly county.  She denied visitation and phone calls for approximately 6 months, so she was in contempt of court.  He never had full custody, but she lived in our home full time due to BM's mental problems.