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BM vicinity anxiety

I love dogs's picture

I know it sounds petty but I literally get heartburn and my gut tenses up when I think about being at SD's events with BM. It's a play so we only have to say hi and bye but she is the biggest two-face I know and it's so hard not to scream to the world what a disloyal, fake, self-absorbed jerk of a person she is!

I haven't tried on any outfits yet so I have to wing it when I get home to change. I know this is for SD and I can play nice. Maybe I'm the fake one for being nice to her? Maybe I'm just a nice person.. Maybe BM changed and she's not so two-faced (joking of course). I think I may get a drink beforehand. Definitely after because DH and I are taking the evening off. TGIF!


Veritas's picture

You control your reactions. Make them count, show your class and kindness. Sometimes it is received and sometimes not but no one should ever have enough power to change your core values :)...just show her the respect you would show any stranger. Nothing else is needed.

I love dogs's picture

That's great advice to show her the same respect as I would a stranger. I'll just keep telling myself that this is for SD, not me.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Don't stress tenoutfit. I've seen parents show up in blue jeans and t shirts or spandex mini dresses. I usually wear office casual. You'll be gorgeous no matter what, just smile and look proud.

I love dogs's picture

Thank you! I curled my hair (which I never do) so I feel pretty confident. I think I may just throw a scarf over the shirt I'm wearing and head out the door haha

Blue Moon's picture

It may soud corny but I relly believe that the best accessory is a smile! Just be your classy self and know that whatever happens, you get to go back home and unwind with your DH at the end of the evening.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I start getting nauseous when I know I have to deal with her that day. She always causes s*** and I have to pretend to be okay and not strangle her. No matter how much narcistic drama she causes or how much she tries to flirt with DH... Because I am supposed to be the "bigger person." It stresses me out. LMAO

advice.only2's picture

My BD and SD were both enrolled in the same dance imagine the joy of watching your daughter dance with meth ex sitting just a few seats away texting loudly, snorting out her nose etc.
Yeah that was fun, I endured that for 7 years and since SD lived with us we would have to wait while meth ex slobbered all over her after the performances before we could get the hell away from her.

strugglingSM's picture

I have the same reaction. Just thinking of seeing BM sets off my fight or flight response. I skip most Skid events when BM is there. They ignore me, so what's the point in going. It's not like as adults they'll say, "oh it was so nice that StrugglingSM came to all of our events." Nope, they will never think that.

Teas83's picture

Do you absolutely have to go to these things? I've never attended any event of SD's and I never plan to. I doubt I'll even go to her high school graduation, to be completely honest.

moving_on_again's picture

I always feel the same way. I go for DH. I always have a drink beforehand. Most of the times the skids acted like I wasn't even there. I still don't trust them but they have come around to being cordial and even friendly to me. This took them getting away from BM. Hopefully, I won't have to go to any event until next year's football season but I doubt I will even have to do that. SS sat out of football most of the season last year because of his shoulder. He's supposed to be going to therapy but instead is shacked up with some kid. If his shoulder doesn't get better, he won't be able to play and then I won't bother going.

I love dogs's picture

I don't have to go but I really want to because SD is the main character and she's really excited about it. She even invited us herself which says a lot because DH used to never be informed until he started doing all of the research himself (he's EOWE so he's not really involved in school) and now is on "good terms" with BM.

As long as I don't have to sit next to BM I will be ok but being near her still makes my skin crawl and get anxiety. I'll see what kind of alcohol I can get my hands on.

notsobad's picture

I never minded going to skid games. In fact I kinda miss them now.

I think the difference is that even when DH was coaching and on the bench, I was included. I sat with MIL & FIL or the other parents. BM was the one sitting alone giving us the evil eye.
Even feeling included I still took extra time with my appearance. Im not proud of it but it's more important that I look put together to BM. With my friends or family, it's hair in a bun, some lulus, a sweatshirt and I'm ready to go!

Both skids always said thanks for coming to my game. That is one good thing about BM, she taught her kids manners.

Aniki's picture

Oh, sweetie. Did your parents raise you to be polite to people regardless of whether you like them or not? That's called 'having manners'.

Find an outfit suitable for the occasion that is flattering and makes YOU feel GOOD and CONFIDENT. Take a little extra time with your hair and makeup so you are happy with the results.

Go and be your natural, lovely, NICE self who is proud to be on the arm of her DH. You've got this.

Maxwell09's picture

The way I’ve come to terms with BM sightings is accepting they’re inevitable and assuming she will be everywhere now that she’s moved into our very small town. She lives down our road so I always glance as we pass by on our way to town and I can’t help but notice relief sweeps over me anytime her car is home. It’s silly-I know, because she could of just as easily show up to the grocery store after I’ve already gone in but it is what it is. It’s just the mentality of knowing where she is so I know where to avoid.

I will say that now that I encounter her on a weekly basis now, it’s harder to deal with the semi-annual school events. SS wants me and DH there and we never know if Bm will show up or not so we plan to go. Sometimes she sits back and sometimes she tries to hijack SS to only focus on her during these parties and ceremonies. Learning to expect the worse and being pleasantly surprised when she is a no show or slacking in participation is how we get through.