Adult SD is a hot mess
Not even sure where to begin. Been with SO for 17 years (yes, I know...17 years is crazy, but I honestly don't want to get married). Have SS30 who has issues, but he deals with them and is kind and respectful when he visits. And my son who is 19, has an apartment, is 98% financially independent, and helps us around the house and with yard work. And then there's SD26.
SD26 is a hot mess. She is an alcoholic (been drinking since 7th grade), uses drugs (opitates, and various other pills, and marijuana - illegal in our state). She has got serious psychiatric issues including bipolar and paranoia. Neither which are being treated. Whenever she comes to visit, she trashes our home - bottles tipped all over the carpet, cigarette burns on the hardwood floors, vomit all over, and the list goes on. Trashed our kitchen by splashing red wine all over the white tile, marble island top, white cabinets, and even the walls and ceiling(stains never came out). Steals everything in site- cash, jewelry, medications, even my son's change bucket when he was 8. And the vile language that comes out of her mouth. Every other word is the f- bomb.
She has a special hatred for me and my son. She routinely tells me to f-off and calls me horrible names. She calls SO an a-hole to his face and tells him to f-off as well. And talks non stop about the relationship between SO and BM. Even asking SO once "dad did you like f-ing mom when you were getting her pregnant with me?" Seriously? And he said.... nothing. WOW!
I dread every time she comes and holidays are an absolute nightmare. 2 years ago st Thanksgiving she drank an entire 1.75 L bottle of vodka by herself in 3 hours and threw up all over the table, plates, food, carpet, and herself. Oh and this was at SO brother and SIL house. I was so embarrassed. She couldn't even stand up so I took her to the bathroom and stripped her out of her clothes and held her up in the shower and washed her hair. She later accused me of being sexually attracted to her and I just wanted to see her naked. Mmmmm.... that's a big no - I just didn't want puke all over my car. At Christmas her BM refused to have SD26 to her home because she is too drunk and rude.
SO and I get along fabulously- only thing we ever argue about is her behavior and his lack of action. Had a come to Jesus talk this summer with SO this summer after she ruined my son's graduation party (I told him she could not come, but he invited her without telling me). She was drunk and hurling obscenities. Then stripped out of her swim suit and jumped in the pool (as a side note she's grossly overweight). My entire family and all my son's friends and their families got up and left. Again - total humiliation. Told SO that I couldn't do this anymore and that he needed to address this behavior and my expectation is for my partner to stand up for me against her verbal abuse. He told her she wasn't allowed to come to our home until she got her act together. The most blissful 4 months in a long time.
And then Thanksgiving came - and he told her she could come. Back to the same brother and SIL house where the "puking incident" occurred (can't believe they invite us back). Just sitting around the island having appetizers when she starts screaming at me "you need to shut the f up right now because I'm not dealing with your BS." Stunned silence. And who stood up for me? Certainly not SO - it was his brother who said "she didn't say anything why are you swearing at her?" Then SD26 said "oh well then I'm sorry I guess" . I couldn't believe it and said Seriously? Then SO jumped to her defense and told me to knock it off because she said she was sorry. I totally lost it and told him how dare he scold me for standing up for myself! She parked herself next to Daaaaddddyyy at the table so my son and I ate in the other room and everyone came to join us leaving SO and SD26 alone at the table. Her uncle gave her an early Christmas card with $ that she promptly lost then accused me of taking it to make her look bad. Um you don't need any help from me to look bad, you do that all by yourself. A few more f- yous hurled my way and I left (I insisted in taking 2 cars). Went home, packed, a bag, and stayed at a hotel alone Thanksgiving night. Then went to my family's for the weekend. SO had no idea where I was nor did he text or call. Went home Sunday night after she left.
Asked SO if we were going to talk about this. He says "talk about what?" Needless to say there was a huge arguement. Told him I'm done and completely disengaging with her: no weekends, no family events, no holidays, no interaction, nothing. Not doing this for the rest of my life. He was furious. Told him Other option is that I could be moved out by end of the week.
So now he's upset, I'm upset, and SD26 skates off and watches us burn to the ground.