Need advice
Hi, I’m new to this. I need advice please.
I posted this earlier but I’m really looking for support or anyone who has been in a similar situation and came out positively. I love my wife and want to know if anyone has gone through what I have and made it. I’ve heard that we should just ‘break up’ but I love her and we have gone through some difficult times together but also a lot of love.
4 years ago, I was having cold feet about being with my now wife because I was afraid to commit to such a big responsibility- 5 kids and a litigious ex. I strayed one day thinking that perhaps I was making a wrong decision. I am also 16 years younger than her and had no idea about raising children or dealing with her divorce struggles. I had an affair and she found out and we were apart for two months. I regretted the affair and asked that she take me back. She did. We went in to get married, buy a house together etc. while continuing the battle with her ex.
She had to move out of the house we bought together in a neighbouring city because her husband was fighting our relocation. We decided that she should move back to the kids school catchment again and I would stay in the house until we could figure out next steps. I emailed her ex telling him how xxxx if he was for doing all this and he responded with ‘you know what’s xxxx up? Your wife slept with me before you got married’. I was devastated. I asked her and she admitted that during that time I left her four years ago, she went to his place for her daughter’s birthday, ended up drinking too much and slept with him. She regretted it and wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. Then we ended up getting back together and she didn’t want to tell me about that because a) I was always insecure about him and b) I had left her at the time and she made an error in judgement all those years ago at a difficult time.
I was so upset I broke up with her. This was a year and a half ago. We have been back and forth with eachother since because we both love eachother but there is a lot of hurt on my part that I can’t seem to get past. I also don’t know anyone who has been in my shoes and if I could only talk to someone who has experienced something similar then maybe I could see a way through. I want to be with her. But I’m trying to find a way back past my anger.
Can anyone relate? Should I stay and work it through? I wish I could find someone who has experienced similar so I could get some advice.
Help? Thank you
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I have been in a similar
I have been in a similar situation. My EX cheated on me. We ended up divorced. No.. I would not be able to get past that.
My advice from the prior post of yours would stand. It's awfully hard to get past a betrayal. She had pretty good reasons for not telling you about what happened with her EX.. tbh.. it wasn't your business since you had broken up. But, because you found out now.. you can't get past it.
I don't know if you and your wife have the emotional resilience to stay with someone that they feel betrayed them. I was not interested in saving my relationship.... and despite attempts by my EX.. he was out the door.
I agree that it’s hard to get over. I have told her that even though I cheated on her and we weren’t together when this happened, it happened with her EX, which is different to just anyone. She has asked me to understand that she made an error in judgment at a dark time when we were apart. She has asked me to understand because I too slept with someone else. I told her that if I stay with her, I have to raise HIS kids and have them as a constant reminder which I’m not asking her to do with the girl I slept with
I should also say that I have alcohol and anger issues and she put up with verbal and physical abuse also. I am working in these things. But she has always been there for me. This is why it’s hard to leave.
You were on a break
You were on a break
You screwed around...cheated. She xxxx someone while you werent together. She did nothing wrong to you. She only made an error in judgement against herself. Not you.
Not to say if my husband ever screwed that vile ex wife of his again I could get over it but I've never been unfaithful to him so there is no comparison.
I'm confused - you cheated on
I'm confused - you cheated on her, now she cheated on you, so isn't it all even? Or is her cheating somehow worse than yours because it was with the ex?
I will say, this is why you don't believe every word your partner says about their ex. Here she was bad-mouthing him, when really she'd run right back to him the minute she was able to. And honestly, it wasn't your place to email him and say anything to him about what was happening.
She didnt cheat. He did. She
She didnt cheat. He did. She was with her ex while OP left her after cheating on her. That's not cheering that's moving on from OP. Amd he comes to a step mom's group for support lol
Oh yeah - I see that now.
Oh yeah - I see that now. Thanks.
I agree that it’s hard to get
I agree that it’s hard to get over. I have told her that even though I cheated on her and we weren’t together when this happened, it happened with her EX, which is different to just anyone. She has asked me to understand that she made an error in judgment at a dark time when we were apart. She has asked me to understand because I too slept with someone else. I told her that if I stay with her, I have to raise HIS kids and have them as a constant reminder which I’m not asking her to do with the girl I slept with
I should also say that I have alcohol and anger issues and she put up with verbal and physical abuse also. I am working in these things. But she has always been there for me. This is why it’s hard to leave.