At The End of My Rope
I feel on the verge of a breakdown. I have fought back tears at work for two days now. Backstory - DH and I have been together 11 years on and off. About 4 years in BM wanted to take skids out of the country and there was a nasty custody battle. She hates me, I hate her and she or skids is the ONLY thing we fight about. When skids were 14 and 15 they wanted to live here with DH. She relented then when SS almost failed 9th grade, another custody battle ensued. We were married about a month before the final hearing and I've sometimes felt he only married me to help retain custody. DH had his own business which went bankrupt so I have helped him buy a car for himself, a house, and a car for SS.
DH is out of town (he travels with his job) and as usual I'm alone with SKIDS (17 & 18) who do whatever they want when the want. I take care of everything. I do the grocery shopping I make sure all bills are paid. SD17 ignores me and acts like I don't exist. I have blogged about this before and how there are no boundries, no consequences for actions, no rules, nothing. I wasn't raised that way and is hard for me to sit and watch but I knew how DH was before I married him so I have only myself to blame. The refuse to lock the doors at night, or when they leave. I have begged repeatedly for them to lock up the house, use their house keys that I have provided but it doesnt matter and DH doesn't seem to care. It bothers me that SD17 can completely ignore me and act as I don't exist after I have known this child most of her life. But, what bothers me more is DH expects me to do for her. This past week, he asked if I was going by the store to get her money for breakfast (I blogged about this too)and when I didn't go to the store and decided use money I was saving I discovered most of it had been taken. He proceeds to tell me that I must have taken it and don't remember. Things got really bad yesterday and he was cussing and telling me he asked SKIDS and they wouldn't lie about something like that. Then after all that, ask me again to go to the store because SD needs face wash/body wash, bottled waters and while I'm there get her money to go to the movie.
WHY and how can he expect me to do for SD when she acts like I am not even a real person living in the same house? Am I crazy for feeling his way?
Last night when I asked him if he was going to be home today and said we need to talk, his reply was "what about? how miserable you are and how horrible my kids are?" I replied yes and that I had been unhappy for a while now and I can't go on this way. This morning I tried to explain how I feel and that DH cannot expect me to do for his child when I am flat out ignored. If she wants to ignore me and act like I dont' exist then fine, I will not do for her. He needs to make sure she has money when he goes out of town and has what she needs before he leaves. His response - radio silence.
This blog is all over the place I guess just like my emotions. Its all I can do to be at work today. Will it ever get better?