Being COURT ORDERED to pay for college
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It hasn't happened to DH but it sickens me to read about it here (or anywhere).
I think the "justice system" just emboldens these people and encourages them to act like jerks to the hand that feeds them. These skids know they don't have to play nice with dad and sm to get this money. They know they can act like a$$holes and still get loads of money. They have no incentive to work on a healthy, close relationship with their Dad and a peaceful, co-existing one with their SM.
I agree after reading and
I agree after reading and commenting on the recent post that I read! I am so thankful that it is not happening to my family! I don't knock helping kids go to college or even paying for it for those that are lucky enough to afford that for their child but a child that does not appreciate it does NOT deserve it and its sad that in some situations, the parent has no choice but to pay! Unreal!
Amen to what you said! This
Amen to what you said! This makes me sick to think that people can do this! Its a generation growing up of entitlement. It just makes me want to work harder at making my bios really know that that does not stand with me. I will not let my kids grow up thinking that they can get hand outs! My husband and I have worked for everything that we have. I have one SD22 who pays her own college (we help her because we want to and she knows only what we can and she has to keep a good GPA or we will stop helping). I have SD19 who is selfish and feels entitled all the time...don't need to go on, I am sure you have read my posts
Ah well, lets not lump an
Ah well, lets not lump an entire generation together. Thankfully there are still plenty of young people who make their own way, or at least appreciative when mom and dad are able to chip in. I agree that being forced to pay for a young adult's education is absolutely ridiculous. Why are children of divorce such special snowflakes that they get tuition paid for them, but kids from nuclear families have to work, take out loans, or hold off on furthering education when mom and dad aren't financially supporting them? It's maddening. Financial support should absolutely end when they're legally considered adults, and from then on it's voluntary.
It was me.....and it started
It was me.....and it started with the oldest daughter. She began failing semester after semester and the judge kept ordering my dh to pay. She and her sisters sued for cell phones, and one even got the judge to give her my dh's second car because she wrote a letter to the court that my dh didn't pick her up in a timely manner from her summer job! I could write a book on this..........these witches used the courts to wound him, why .....because he had the audacity to get married and they just wanted him to take care of them. Dh married a conniver who had been using him for years. A few times when we were dating, his phone accidentally dialed me......and I heard a few ugly encounters that e had with his ex wife, and one with a daughter.. They were cursing him out.......and honestly sounded so cruel.
So yes.....dh has to pay child support, plus 7k per semester, and half of her books each semester. No thank you, nothing. And I should add that this witch got 20 k from my dh's parents recently due to a custodial acct they had set up years ago for these monsters!!!! So I consider her photocopying her book bill and just mailing it to dh the height of grotesque. To my husband's daughters, I truly hope you recognize yourselves and someday I look forward to telling you to your faces what Absolute freaks I think you all are!
After having read a lot of
After having read a lot of the issues about cs after 18, and being court ordered to pay for college I sat my oldest down to let her know we had some financial decisions to make. She turns 18 in a few months but won't graduate until May our state automatically requires cs "until 18 or graduation whichever comes latter" However I can request cs longer for college or modify the co to include half of college expenses (it does say half of school expenses but it's not college specific) I told her my options regarding college and reminded her it has always been known there was no college savings, her dad and I have never and are not in a position to even be allowed to co-sign loans that she will have to apply for aid, scholarships and work, but what would she like to do, have me modify and request cs through college, try and push the sharing of school costs as including college or deal with her dad directly herself for any assistance she may need. He's in arrears plenty of cs as is. She was made aware of it and how repayment of arrears works because I think she needs to know to make an informed decision and she's almost an adult. he usually pays biweekly but hasn't paid the full amount in a year now. She decided she would deal with him directly she feels she will #1 not get crap from him any way and #2 if she does there will be less drama and issues with him giving her help if she asks and it's not court ordered since "He doesn't pay when or what he's supposed to and does it just because he and his gf know it screws things up for you." That kinda shocked me and I had her clarify that yep they've said this to my kids, I get screwed on my cs on purpose. I honestly think she's right she has a much better chance of his financial help if she deals with him directly, of course I'm betting he'll tell her no because he'll be still paying cs on her brother ans all of the arrears long after she's done with college. I like the decision I make to ask her and let her make a decision it's her college education, she will be an adult and has to learn to start handling the adult relationship she will have with him.
To add she will be attending our local community college, it's affordable, close and she researched cost vs education and feels she can get a better deal there. If she decides to go further she's said "I will already be working at an in demand job making good money and all of the places looking for my career type will assist with further education it's a win win for me. I get a good inexpensive education that gets my foot in the door to get a great inexpensive education." In a way I feel sad I can't do better for my kids than that but I'm also glad because they will appreciate what they work for more than anything I just handed to them.
It is a real source of
It is a real source of resentment for me in that my children are attending state schools and community colleges, while his daughter, who has had no contact with me in over 3 years, sits her ass at a fancy private school, and dh is forced to pay for someone who s basically just using him as a money tree. And she refuses to even pick up the damn phone. There are no words to convey the absolute disgust I feel toward she, her sisters, and her vile mother.
It is a form of
It is a form of discrimination and it is unconstitutional that a divorced parent has different laws that apply to him or her, than parents in an intact family. Children of divorced parents are allowed to be "entitled" by the laws of NJ. But if you two had a child together, that child would not be guaranteed the same thing.
This is New Jersey. There are no real laws on the books--it is all case law and NJ has took that ball and runs with with it now. Judges decide everything-and you could get widely different rulings depending on the judge. The deals are made in the CS agreement usually. No one has fought the basic premise of the unconstitutionality of the enforcement of these case laws and won. It is too expensive to fight so everyone just pays.
NJ is a Nanny state in this realm. They have their justifications- "they have the people's best interests for an educated population" "children from broken homes have a harder time" like it is the state's business to be poking around in an individual family's choice in how and whether they finance their children's college education. It is not fair.
This attorney makes his living in this area.
http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/newjersey/college-tuition-payments-in-ne...
Show me a recent ruling that
Show me a recent ruling that challenges these laws, HNRNYC. Do you understand case law? That was the benchmark case--that is why it is old. It has never been challenged successfully.
"The leading case is Newburgh v. Arrigo, 88 N.J. 529 (1982). In this case, the Supreme Court of New Jersey held that, on public policy grounds, that the parental duty to provide an education to children extends to the responsibility to provide a college education."
Show me someone who successfully challenged the BASIC premise of these case laws-that NJ has the right, through its courts, to rule that parents must, by law, pay for college. If you can show me something that challenges this you will be my HERO FOR LIFE.
Read this.
http://www.child-support-laws-state-by-state.com/child-support-is-one-th...
Also this.
http://njdivorceblog.typepad.com/new_jersey_divorce_law_me/college_expen...
I can you tht I lived it with
I can you tht I lived it with dh. Semester after semester she failed, and sometimes falsifying her grades to boot, and yet the friggin judge kept saying give her another chance. I should add that ex's lawyer's father was a retired state supreme judge from the same county, so it had nothing to do with liking the ex and step monsters, but it was cronyism at its finest. So now this one became enraged that daddy was marrying, so her dream team served us a court motion in our mailbox on our wedding day. Of course they never even responded to our invite! First point was that princess goes to "college of her choice". Never discussed with dh, just shoved down his throat in the cruelest of ways. Now I understand princess wants graduate school. Can anyone tell me how to avoid going down the same hole to hell?
HRNYC---SHOW ME- instead of
HRNYC---SHOW ME- instead of just saying "people go to court all the time" . "People" may have tried but did not win any landmark case -- otherwise that would be on public record and would have made the news. I am talking about the constitutionality of the the very existence of these case laws. Get it? The child support/college tuition payment requirement by divorced parents in New Jersey was built on a series of case laws which can still be open to wide interpretation. No offense but I don't think you understand how it works in New Jersey. This is a NJ Supreme Court issue. If you can prove to me that someone has successfully challenged the Supreme Court of New Jersey on this issue, you will be my hero. Otherwise, the law is the law.
You are understanding a bit
You are understanding a bit better. Yes, Google is my good friend--and I am a librarian, and I have researched this extensively in law libraries as well.
You are exactly right that we will not see any changes to the laws on the books today.
That statement is supported in this brief on Gac vs. Gac.
http://www.njsba.com/images/assets/legal_affairs/gacvgac2005.pdf
In the GAC vs. Gac case, the issue was raised and entered regarding constitutionality. However, the decision was made for Mr. Gac based on the particulars of his case, not on any fundamental principle of constitutionality.
See the last part of the PDF.
"..until the legislature says otherwise, non custodial parents should be subject to having their contributions determined in accordance with the settled case law of the state, Newburgh v. Arrigo, 88 N.J. (1982) ...
New Jersey's policy of protecting the best interest of all children should be maintained. Each family situation is unique. For this reason alone, discretion must remain with the courts and with a judge, who has the ability to look at each family individually."
Also, any of these challenges
Also, any of these challenges can cost thousand and thousands of dollars. So it is cheaper in most cases just to shut up and pay.
I was not able to edit my
I was not able to edit my post to say "successfully" challenged. My bad. Sorry you misunderstood. So what if anyone tried to challenge it? Most people would would understand that when a law goes on the books and legislature is overturned, it means someone had to win their case. They did not win their cases based on their appeal of whether the laws were constitutional. Those cases you gave as examples mean nothing as far as it affects the constitutionality of the case laws. What they said in their arguments went on record, who cares?
I am guessing that your next post will be to argue again that you did what I asked. That's ok, I am glad I could help you learn something today. You get a gold star for your efforts!
I get why many people feel
I get why many people feel that way, but many people have become successful without going to college. Also, what about student loans? What about just going to a state school or community college? Many people bust their butts to do that, regardless of whether or not their parents are divorced.
My parents divorced and I went to a state school. Got a scholarship and worked a full time job. My folks helped when they could. Nobody court ordered them to pay for my college education.
My hubby makes a good living
My hubby makes a good living and I had no issue getting financial aid that of course I have to pay back. I am currently paying it back but I am ok with that. Having to pay for college myself made me pull an awesome grade point average and work my butt off while being a full time mother and wife to our household of 2 bios and 2 steps. I also carried my baby through out it and after I gave birth only took a week off of school even though my professor said I could take maternity leave. I went to class after that week. I had to wait till I was older to go to college because even though I had parents who were married does not mean I had a good life. I get sick of hearing that kids from a divorced home have it harder. Its not necessarily true!
I also have to agree that you do not need college to be successful. My husband is perfect example, he started in a company and worked his way up and now he makes double if not more then what I will make a year after a degree.
I agree, I went back to
I agree, I went back to school later in life, graduated in 2011. I have quite a bit in student loans that I am currently and for the next 20 years having to pay back.
Not to mention, I am also having a difficult time trying to find a job now with my degree. Plenty out there that don't pertain to my degree but I went to college to become what I went to college for. Its ridiculously expensive and I went to a state college.
I didn't get any pell grants.
I didn't get any pell grants. I also have applied numerous places and most want Masters level. I already have 40k in loans. Don't feel like going back. Going to keep trying to find a job and if I have to go outside of my degree then so be it. I would rather save the extra money to put towards my kids or something.
I loved being a non traditional (congrats to your DH too!). It made me care more about school. Yes I agree though for the younger ones, especially for the ones who have to pay for room and board too. I went to college in my own town. I also had to take the extra money financial aid gave me, I used it for the yearly taxes on our house and for Christmas fund. One income with 4 kids was hard even though hubby made good money.
I wish someone would have shared with me all the options for grants but ignorance is not an excuse right!? haha.