Update-BM lost her freaking mind
DH and I sat down with SD16 last night and were very open about the texting war that went back and forth between DH and BM. We explained our position to SD16 about the money and the car. SD16 handled it very well. She claims she hasn't spoken to BM about the car or received any texts from her. I don't know if I 100% believe her but at least she knows our side of the story. DH did say he shouldn't have resorted to calling her names and that was immature of him. SD16 says that BM calls him names all the time behind his back that are a lot worse than moron.
While talking last night SD16 did say something interesting that we had thought of but didn't bring up to SD16. She thinks that BM wants to buy this car so she has control over something that SD16 does. SD16 said that her BM doesn't have control over her anymore and that drives her crazy unlike in the past where BM tried to control every aspect of her life. Since moving in with us BM has no say in anything to do with SD16. DH and I 100% agree with her. We were very careful about what we said to her in agreement but told her we understood where she was coming from.
DH and I don't want BM to have any say in the car. SD16 said it best when she brought up that BM would tell her that she didn't like to way SD16 spoke to her or didn't do something and take the car away from her when she visits on EOW. DH and I have seen BM do this before with other things in SD16's life when she lived with BM her cell phone and cheer are just two examples of what would be taken away for minor offences. Leaving SD16 without a car would impact all of us greatly but most importantly SD16 internship next year.
All in all it was a good talk. SD16 was very open about the things BM says about us and her thoughts about it. She did say that she really thinks BM started off with good intentions but didn't like that DH shut her down. She also agreed that White Trash step dad is not the best person to pick out her car. His car is missing a mufler that he hasn't gotten fixed yet.
We will do right by SD16 it may not be the VW Bug in lime green that she has been dropping hints about but we will do our best to get her something that is reliable and runs.
- HappyCow's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
It sounds like yall handled
It sounds like yall handled it very well. I alway think the best way to dissolve a situation like this is upfront honesty even if it makes you (your DH) look like a jerk for a minute. But atleast BM can't come back and say something about the name calling because he already told her himself. I'm sure SD appreciated yall treating her as an adult too
Trust me you want to buy the
Trust me you want to buy the car and insure it. That way you control everything including SD. Works so much better with SS and SD. The parent they live with controls their car. Also, what we did that works is as long as you have a B average we pay for everything. If you have a job then you pay for gas. That is it, that way we control the car and can use it as punishment if needed.
Sounds like a good, open
Sounds like a good, open talk. I think that is the best way to handle situations like this.