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Please see post in comments re: Lending Money

HappyCow's picture

Nothing wants to post for me today! Please see my off topic to step parenting post in the comments.


HappyCow's picture

I am more of a lurker and learner on this site, however, I was wondering if I could get any advice from you ladies.

Before I ask let me give a little background on DH and I the past 4 years.

4 years ago DH and I were doing ok. We were renting a small apartment, paying CS, bills, and both working full time. Then our world dropped out from us when DH lost his sales job. In a small amount of time we had to give up our apartment, pull DD out of daycare, and move into my Dad and Step Mom's basement. We stayed there for a year until we could get back on our feet and DH found a great job that pays well and that he loves.

During this time we had a lot of help not only from my family but also close friends that helped with car repairs, meals, etc. We are forever grateful that we had people care about us to help out when we needed it.

We are about to purchase our first home. We have the inspection set up for later this week so we are super happy and can't believe that in such a short time since we hit rock bottom that we are able to buy our first home. However, it’s ugly and needs a lot of love. We have been saving money to help with new carpet, paint, furniture, a trash can, lawn mower, all the things that pile up when you go from living in an apartment to becoming a home owner.

DH's best friend calls yesterday to ask to "borrow" money from DH. He has been living in Florida with his wife for the winter because the weather in their home state is brutal. So they quit their jobs, sold everything in their apartment, packed up a small motor home and drove down to Florida for the winter months. The plan was that they were going to find jobs their and just live in the motor home. To each his own. I thought it was nice for them. His wife has an 18 year old that lives with her parents but other than that they are free to do whatever they want.

I am a strong believer in paying it forward for people. A lot of people helped DH and I when we needed it so we both feel that if we have it we should help out others. My issue is that neither of them really spent any time finding jobs. They did do little things here and there but nothing stable. I am sure that the economy is tough to find a job I get that. However, they are always posting picture on Facebook about all the things that they are doing. I am sure some of this stuff doesn't cost a lot of money but if you were going to ask for money from someone wouldn't you not post how much fun you had fishing for the day?

Also, shortly before they left for Florida is when they got married. DH gave them $300 to buy a new fridge for the motor home because what they had in there was broken and he knew that they need it.

Ok, so would you lend these people money? BF is unsure if they have enough money to make it back home from FL and are stopping at our house the end of the month for (hopefully) one night. My suggestion to DH was to give him a gas card but DH thought that was rude. I just keep thing of all the things we need to save for our house but at the same time I do want to help out.

Oh, and we are not loaded by any means. We have been scrimping and saving the last 6 months. I would love to buy a new pair of shoes and have a fancy dinner with this money. Dirol

misSTEP's picture

As new home owners, you need all the cash you have available right now.

You can pay it forward in other ways besides financially.

I would say that you need the friend to have a solid source of income (most people call it a JOB) before you would be comfortable doing that. If they don't have money, how in the hell are they planning on driving back?? And WHY??? Most people don't go on vacation from their vacation when they have no money.

Just J's picture

It's always nice to be able to help out others, especially when they've helped you, but it sounds like the fact of the matter is that right now you are not in the position to lend any money, so don't. I totally get the obligation you feel but if you're trying to save your money, it's just not preactical to give it to someone else. A home purchase, especially a fixer-upper takes a TON of money. I would just tell the friend that you'd really like to help them out, but that with the whole house purchase, you simply just don't have an extra cent. If he is a real friend, he will understand.

HappyCow's picture

Thanks ladies. I just saw he posted on Facebook that he is enjoying being at the beach with his wife. I think DH and I are going to have a long talk about this when he gets home tonight. He always feels the need to help BF. When DH was in high school his Mom kicked him out and BF's family took him in. I actually call them my in-laws we are so close.