Should this bother me?
I'm bothered...part of me wonders if I should be bothered or am I just over reacting, like my jealousy or claws coming out. DH is still very good friends with a guy that WAS married to ex wife's cousin. Of course because of this, when they talk or get together, a lot of the conversation is about that family, which I'm about tired of anyway. Today, ex wife, BM, calls DH to basically gossip and fill him in on some fights with his guy friend and his ex (BM's cousin.) She's wanting to know if he knows all this is going on, etc. They talked for about 15 minutes. He says he didn't tell her what he knew, yet he's keeping that she called with info from HIS friend. I kind of feel like, why is he in the middle. Why didn't he tell the ex, I don't want to hear or talk about any of that...that's none of my business. He says she knows he would be concerned about the kids. I'm like, it's your friend, not your brother. What can you do about his kids anyway? It's really none of either of their business. I'm aggravated that he even entertained talking with her since none of it pertained to their children together and I almost feel like he's protecting his ex's confidence not telling his so called best friend. Am I over reacting? I don't hold these conversations with my ex. Just hate for them to be chatting about stuff they don't need to be chatting about.
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Him being friends with
Him being friends with someone with ties to his EX.. that's fine. BUT.. no way in hell he should be talking about his friend with his EXW. This is a non-starter. He should tell her point blank that it isn't their business to be discussing them.
Gossiping about his friend,
Gossiping about his friend, with his ex, is just weird.
Are you upset that he's
Are you upset that he's talking to BM about non-skid related things? Is he not trustworthy, or are you feeling insecure about his relationship with BM in any way?
My friend's ex-husband's new wife got upset that my friend sent her ex a picture of a college friend (of both of theirs) that she ran into, and told him she only wanted him to speak to my friend about their kid.
From this side of things, it seemed very petty and insecure. They are amicably divorced, co-parent well, and they do have a past together. There is no threat to the second marriage posed by a picture from the past.
I wish DH and BM here could be civil. I'd welcome it.
Not to mention I was a little
Not to mention I was a little pissed he was too busy to talk to me this morning but found 15 minutes to gossip with her.
It will happen
You have to pick your battles on this kind of thing. When DH does pickup drop off at Toxic Trolls house, sometimes she will engage him with info on this or that and he will in turn tell me. But sitting on the phone gossiping is a real "turn off", and he doesnt do that kind of thing. He doesnt willingly chat with Toxic Troll anymore (that I know of). I give him lectures on how I do not want Toxic Troll or Toxic Feral Eldest to have any information about us, the family, our friends. Because she uses it against him/us whenever there is a conflict.
Your DH gossiping with BM - highly annoying, but again - pick your battles. Mention its not in good taste wrt to his buddy, and then move forward.
Why is he talking to his EX
About anything not kid related? There is still a connection with the EX. We know there is always going to be a connection with someone you lived with. That why they can not talk about stuff like that. He can not be with two woman at the same time. He married you, he has to cut all contact with his EX, except about kids. That can be done by text or e mail most of the time
Forgot to mention....he told
Forgot to mention....he told me this (and he seems flattered) that his ex told her family...."See, 'Jonny' wasn't so bad!" He genuiely seemed happy to hear that they said "good" things about him.
yeah, DH likes that Toxic Troll admitted she effed up
DH told me this, and he seemed happy that she was regretful. I tld him, "well because she wanted you BACK!!!" He either tells me that "never take her back", or "no thats not true" hehehe. It boosts the ego, because of course the marriage being destroyed is also a big ego blast.
Yes, it should bother you.
Yes, it should bother you. There's no reason for DH to be all buddy buddy with BM unless it's about the kids. Other than that, they really don't have any reason to communicate, let alone gossip with each other. My exDH used to do this in the very beginning with BM because they were from a small town and everyone knew everyone. It was extremely annoying and bothered me. I put a stop to it. How would your DH like it if you called up an ex to gossip about someone you both knew? He wouldn't.
Yea, I'd probably feel a
Yea, I'd probably feel a little agitated by this too.
At the same time, this is situational from the sounds of it. When this couple's divorce is over, there will be no exchange of gossip between BM and your husband. So the question is whether it's worth it for you to feel agitated at something that is unlikely to happen again.
Here comes my speech about choosing to be happy... You can be bugged all day by this, you can start a fight about it, you can divorce the guy over it, but...in the end, it's probably not going to be a regular thing and in the meantime, you're letting BM ruin your day.
Don't give her that power! In a week, a month, or two months, this won't matter and it will be forgotten. If you were homeless or very sick, this wouldn't even be on your radar. So choose to put this out of your head and be happy. Don't let BM take this beautiful day away from you!
Thanks for the advice. I'm
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try to roll with it. Both these divorces are over 6 years old so this isn't something gossiping over a divorce. You know some couples fight about everything and this was the ex calling and being like....did you know that "Sam" did this and this and this? Then it even got into what "Sam's" girlfriend's ex is doing, etc. Just plain gossip. I just figured that by now the ex should gossip with her own man.