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Oh eff my life..I swear

halo1998's picture

After coming off a week of oncall hell....Saturday I was on a call for 18 hours...(thank you Microsoft Azure).  

I get the following from DH regarding SD..

SD was called out of class. She doesn't have enough seals (ie passing enough state tests) to graduate. She needs to earn more seals.


Is this a surprise to me...NO.  I saw the state tests and the fact she only passed one and knew her graduating might not be happening.  DH assured me when I asked she was on track.  


My ability to deal with this sh*t is done..I'm burnt out....flat out...I CANNOT.


I'm resentful because the reason I work this job is because it pays well and we needed the money.  I have carried this family for the last 18 tour of duty IS DONE.  I cannot take another year of CS and SD being in high school.  I just can' kids are grown and flying out of the nest..or in DD's case flying to another country.  I'm ready to be an empty nester...ratched back my work load..not continue this one.

Just eff my life...




Winterglow's picture

Your DH has had it too good for too long. I'd go absolutely apeshit nuclear on him.

Youi have gone above and beyond for a husband who has taken advantage at every turn.

So it's time to draw a line in the sand - here's how much I am contributing to your failed first family every single effin' month, you are not even capable of keeping up with your daughter's lack of progress, I refuse to continue to be bled in this manner because of your lack of parenting. The sum I just showed you is how much will be going into my savings account every month as from now on and it's up to you to make up the difference. Do what you like to get there, second job, better job, I don't care, it's your problem to solve.

ESMOD's picture

Is there an option for her to bridge this gap during the summer?   is there an online option she could use to get these done.. and she could be marshalled into that plan?

halo1998's picture

but I have no idea.  SD doesn't exactlly get any details, etc. I will have to ask DD..she knows more about this stuff as she did a semster of that they call "teacher Academy"  here. Its a program for high school kids that are thinking of becoming teachers so they go over all the requirements and various plans to get to graduation.

AgedOut's picture

This is on Him, his ex, and his failure of a child. You have carried the weight for too long. You should not have to pay for their lack of proper parenting and their inability to expect anything positive from their child. I would put my size 3 down and tell him "my extra money is for me now. I refuse to pay for any more failure from your child. I. Am. Done. "  then fark that noise. 

AlmostGone834's picture

Can she retake the tests? I believe in NY they offer retakes during the summer of the state exams.

notarelative's picture

Sounds like DH listened to SD and she said everything was fine. Then reality hit SD in the face.

It's early in the fall of senior year. They pulled her out as she still has time to get the second seal. 

DH is now finding out that burying your head in the sand (aka listening to your child say everything is ok) does not turn out well. If he wants her to graduate he'll get in touch with her guidance counselor and figure out a plan forward -- and hold SD's feet to the fire to complete it. 

edited -as I misread.

ESMOD's picture

I did a quick google.. Ohio requires a min of TWO seals.. so if she has one? she is short only another one I think.  I would assume there is a pathway for kids to make up something like that so they don't get completely torpedoed in graduating.



this booklet talks about the various seal options.. it may be she can get something accomplished here.. her dad will likely have to work with the school on what those options are.. it's not just school/test stuff.. it involves other things.. like if she joined the military? that would count as one seal.


halo1998's picture

since she is a freaking SR the Ohio means Jobs...and she need to go a crap ton of paperwork for that one.  SD doesn't do paperwork, etc.

She is in no clubs, no extracurriculars, nothing.  SD doesn't "Like" anything...

ESMOD's picture

when was she supposed to graduate?  Ohio is supposed to be identifying and helping kids reach these goals.  honestly.. her dad needs to take this bull by the horns and make it happen.. he can do paperwork.. lead her by the nose.  he needs to udnerstand consequences when he is already on thin ice.

halo1998's picture

and suspect the school has been telling SD..but she 1. doesn't understand and 2. listens to Mommmmmyyyyyy that says..its ok babbbbbyyyy your trying..

I can only "advise" Dh as I've been told I'm too controlling.  *I noped out last year when my "controling" ways were used as an excuse for DH's other activities.  Now..he has since been shown the light by the counselor that I wasn't being controlling and his actions were all his fault.*  I advised today that he call the guidance counselor and talk this out between the three of them.  I got told they would do that after he talks to SD.    *I walked away at that point*


ESMOD's picture

I think the school needs to give them a plan.  

There is another seal that she could potentially get.. by getting an acceptable score on the ACT or SAT.. not sure how realistic that is.. but put her tail in a review class.. get her to pass the test (and you can retake them).. maybe that could get her across the line.  There are also a few classes she needs to pass with certain grades.. maybe she could do an accepted online class (even if it's a repeat).. and pass with the "b" she needs?? 

I think there is time to fix this hopefully.

halo1998's picture

she already took them..and she is in the lower 10% for scores.  SD will not go to a review class, etc. She doesn't "neeeeeeeddddd it"

I get own DD did a review to increase her ACT scores..but honestly she just wanted over a 30 instead of the 28 she got the first time.  SD has a LOOOONNNNGGG WAY TO GO...she scored in the teens....not even the 20's on the ACT

Yesterdays's picture

Oh boy. I'll tell you what she neeeeeeds. Lol. 

She needs to get her butt in gear and she needs consequences. She needs to be put into place as a child and she is not in charge. She does not get to say what she needs at this point she needs to be told. Your DH needs to be the one to deliver said consequences and force the actions. It sounds like a long road ahead as she's far behind and unmotivated. 

notarelative's picture

Is there a local community service seal available? 
Here that would just be the required number of hours volunteering. 

Yesterdays's picture

My SS got a GED. Not exactly sure how it works. He basically bounced around high schools then finished up high school courses through the College.. Somehow. Apparently you can do that sometimes... The HS courses through college. Not sure if that is beneficial or not as far as speeding things up.. 

JRI's picture

I know this is a unicorn situation but my GS29 dropped out of HS.  After working for awhile, he matured, got a GED, did college online, got a Bachelor's degree and now works IT making 6 figures.  It can happen.

thinkthrice's picture

To NYS where they pass everyone no matter what but then you're looking at CS to 21.   She sounds exactly like Chef's ferals.  They had the worst attendance ever and didn't do any homework or classwork bc they are juuuuuuussssssssst kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddds (Girhippo).

At least Ohio has standards.  Heard about the Azure issues.  Ugh!  You could do married living separately with him sinking or swimming on his own.   I think it is your house so you could demand a trial separation and hand him his walking papers.

CLove's picture

With firstly DH and then SD.

Time to take the gloves off. Really take them off. For hardline.

advice.only2's picture

“DH if SD fails and requires another year of school you are going to need to pick up a second job to support the extended CS payment as per our original agreement I won’t be working over to compensate for your or Beaver anymore.”

halo1998's picture

Good luck..I'm out.  I'm selling my house (cause it is my house) and I'm moving to where ever the hell I want to. I'm not waiting around anymore for you or your failed spawn.

Winterglow's picture

So say it.

Also tell him to consider himself lucky that you're not going to bill him for all the crap you've paid for over the years for kids that are not even yours because he wasn't capable of doing it himself.



halo1998's picture

I could have been retired by now if I hadn't paid for our lifestyle while DH climbed out of debt.  I did because i thought we would have a future..but that future keeps getting put off.

SteppedOut's picture

That freaking sucks hard. Especially since it appears to be dragging on even longer now.

Sunken Falacy - sometimes you just gotta cut bait.

thinkthrice's picture

I would be a hell of a lot better off if it wasn't for Chef's prostitution on a payment plan that Rags refers to.

I only keep him bc of his construction skills.

ndc's picture

That is exactly what I was coming here to suggest.  YOU follow what the plan was supposed to be.  DuH can struggle through the extra year of SD and CS on his own and join you when he's "free." To do otherwise is just enabling his poor parenting and poor life decisions. Do what YOU want to do. 

thinkthrice's picture

Stop being their "safety net."

Harry's picture

DH get a second job to pay for his CS.  Light a fire under him.. it's his problem,, he pays for his mistakes..Not you. 

halo1998's picture

all these years...even with DH having his head up his @ss for the last 8 years.  I've been waiting for when it was just us....and we could get on with our lives.  I think I've done my time.....and then some honestly.  I don't see many women or men putting up with what I have put up with over the years.  This very well might be the straw that broke my back...I need to time to decide my fate..stay married or divorce.  I know its probably not fair to divorce of this..but I'm just done.  What will the next thing be with SD, GWR and Beaver..I don't know and quite frankly I don't want to find out. I want to live MY life...


Yesterdays's picture

If you were done so be it, you've honestly put up with so much and Beaver /SD and DH have not made it easy on you whatsoever. Maybe it is the straw that broke the camels back. You have thinking to be done. I don't know if you're a hiker but whenever I need to think about things I head to the forest on a quiet trail and just sit there quietly. I even had a "thinking rock".. (a bit nerdy... Lol)

You've done so much for them. With little in return. You deserve better treatment.

I've been thinking about my own life too. You only get one. I can easily say we are both hard workers who have done a lot for our families. Carrying/pulling the weight of everything.. Bearing the brunt.. Making the decisions.. Solving problems. 

I saw a movie last night where the woman /lead character at the beginning was treated unfairly and horribly by everyone in her own family. Her dad, her husband and her teenager. By the end of the movie she was on an oceanfront property in the sunshine in Croatia with people surrounding her toasting and she was living carefree... Her best life. She was appreciated.. It kind of changed my view on things. It was a pivotal feeling. I work so hard and want to be appreciated. I want to be sitting with a glass of red wine surrounded by people that love me, care about me and appreciate me.

Loved and appreciated.... We all deserve that  (the movie is called Faraway.. Netflix)

Hugs halo <3

halo1998's picture

about ME..not what I can do for them.  I've done my time...I've been the supportive spouse..I have been the supportive step mom....I just want to relax and enjoy my life.  Not run from one crisis to another...good lord I do that all at my job.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Hmmph. So these BMs can extend their CS if their kid fails high school? Jesus, talk about rewarding poor parenting. 

halo1998's picture

cs end at 18 and high school diploma....or at 19 regardless.

So...SD turns 18 in early May...she should graduate in middle May, which means CS should end by end of May.  However, if she doesn't graduate then we get to pay till 19.  It was defined that way so that kids with a late birthday don't get cut off before they graduate. Too many cases of kid turns 18 and CS cuts off and custodial parent kicks them out of the house before they graduate since the cash stopped coming in.  Sad but true.

thinkthrice's picture

Its not f'ng NYS.  I've been with Chef for almost 2 decades  and he still has till January!!!!@

CLove's picture

SD17 Powersulk CPS has bday in late may. and graduates June 2024. I made certain to check that shes on track. so far sooooo good.

thinkthrice's picture

It matters not if they are "on track"  or not.  Even if they are employed full time, not going to school or whatever,  if they are still living in mommy's basement CS continues until 21 automatically.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

My DH's CS agreement was until SSs were 18 or finished full time education. MSS finished his degree when he was 23 but if he had decided to do a post grad it could have lasted until he was 26.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Also, how about DH (and the D stands for douchebag due to his other activities) needs to get a second job to both pay the extended child support and also pay an equal amount to OP, to make up for the money they would have saved. 

halo1998's picture

its only $500 a month now..but honestly its the thought that my plans, etc are on hold for ANOTHER year due to SD.  I just can't take that and having Beaver involved in our lives for another g0d d@mn year is something I just can't do.

Winterglow's picture

You don't have to justify yourself to us,we understand. Dammit woman, your life is yours! Go live it! You have no obligations to HIS kids. Not your problem.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Please don't wait for your DH and SD to sort themselves out.  Look after #1.  You're worth it.